#DandD13 - Men, Let's Grow Up
This was an "edge of my thinking" session that I called (so I came with no structured thoughts, entitled it deliberately provocatively, was ready to listen as much as to speak) But the premise was: the world is experiencing a crisis in masculinity, male leadership is questionable and opens itself to ridicule in the political realm (D Trump) and the home (Homer Simpson), young men show fear and unwillingness to be a grown up, if what it means is being like anyone from an older generation.
Most people agreed that in general, men need to grow up. Some men resisted the idea.
We circled around what growing up means for men. The key positive aspects were:
Telling the truth (consistently, which we called 'integrity')
Showing up and taking responsibility (mostly for the family)
A willingness to make sacrifices
It feels easier to say when we don't see it, what sorts of behaviour indicate that a man needs to grow up. We heard stories about men compulsively challenging authority (whoever is wielding it) and misusing power relationships (eg the Weinstein case, but not just in terms of sexual activity). We also talked about people who need to be right (or won't accept that they are wrong)
Those who spoke against the idea interpreted the injunction to "grow up" as a way of limiting younger men's self-expression, playfulness and creativity or a way to re-establish more traditional gender roles and stereo-types where "grow up!" kind of means "be a man!"
We noted the lack of initiation or formal societal marking of a boy's transformation into manhood in contrast to girls becoming women when they start their periods. Also the constricted time frame that women deal with - broadly speaking if you want to have a career and have children, there's a time-limit. A couple of men felt that it had happened when they became a father.
There was also a discussion that telling the truth can get you into trouble (Edward Snowden & Chelsea Manning)
Those who admitted to being there included: Lloyd Davis, Kelli Des Jarlais, Ros Philips, Craig Painting, Jacob Harmon, Charlie Folo, Don Youngberg
Interesting article which throws up many questions!
For example, is it right, though, to say that girl's become woman when she starts her periods? The human brain finishes developing around age 21, but it's becoming increasingly common for girls to physically mature as young as 7. More disturbingly, signs of puberty, such as armpit hair, start when these girls are 5 years old!
Doctors can prescribe a hormone to delay puberty, but I know of one girl whose father refused because he didn't agree with, "messing with nature." Her mum tried to argue that the early onset of their child's puberty was most likely environmental rather than due to nature, but to no avail.
Many of these children become very depressed because they can no longer relate to the immaturity of the children that they are surrounded by, but they can't relate to adults either. For these girls especially, the "formal societal marking" of their transition into womanhood has absolutely no bearing on their life or how they view themselves: a period is just something they have to manage whether they are mentally grown up or not because they don't have a choice; they aren't suddenly given adult responsibilities; they aren't suddenly mentally equipped to have adult relationships or bear children and run a home and this is just as true for young teens as it is for a 7 year old!
I think that growing up these days is complicated for everyone, and it's only easier for those fortunate enough to be surrounded by adults who can support their emotional, as well as their physical, needs.
yeah that was a sloppy way of presenting what was actually said (it was quite a rich and subtle conversation even if I didn't manage to present it that way!). I think it was more that there is a physical marker - something you have to pay attention to (and I accept that can be negative attention). There was also more emphasis on how initiation work would traditionally take boys away to mark adolescence and teach them the stories and behaviours that they would need as men - ie "be surrounded by adults who can support their emotional needs"
This is Genesis. Man with Sacrifice property. Woman with Caretaker property. Nice post Thanks
This sounds like a good listening opportunity. I'm always wary of gatherings that exclude gender, but I'm glad to read that a variety of viewpoints were heard. By the way, you've nearly gotten me to the goal of 1000sp (with an assist from the unexpectedly high sbd value)! Thank you for your patronage!!!
One of the things we should be doing, is coming up with actions that we can take to help right the ship in terms of wage disparity between men and women. If we're employers, we must make sure that our staffs and staff leadership are more than 50% female/NB. If we're employees, we must treat all our co-workers with respect, and organize to demand that women receive equal pay. We must all fight for a change in perspective regarding childcare, such that both paternity and maternity leave are available, and stop making assumptions about who will be the primary caregiver, in fact, ideally, we're all responsible for the well-being of children in our community!
This is my contribution to the conversation I didn't attend. ;)
Good post friend, you are right in what you say, nowadays the young people are finding it difficult to grow. I follow you and I invite you to visit my blog. Greetings.
Meetup if you can make it :)
https://steemit.com/steemit/@ultravioletmag/eurosteem-meetup-london
thanks, yes, I'll be along :)
A relevant topic!
a very good post, an amazing statement of friends👍👍👍
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Nice post :) @lloyddavis
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