Rest In Peace, @lauralemons. You Were Dear to Me, and Everyone Who Knew You.

in suicide •  2 months ago

I met Laura back when she and I were both living in Florida. We went on a single OKC date that turned out to be kind of a hilarious mess, one thing going wrong after another. We came out of it deciding we made better friends than lovers, and remained friends right up until the end.

Laura hung herself last night. It was the most recent in a string of attempted suicides. The last time was hanging too, but somebody found her and got her down before she died. The time before that it was pills. It's the strangest thing. I was JUST talking to her last night. How can she be gone?

How can this be real, I keep asking myself. How can it be real? She's still there, isn't she? How can she not be? Ever since she moved to Minnesota and I moved back to Oregon I've only really interacted with her through Facebook and VR. Words on a screen, pixels in front of my eyeball.

There she is still, logged in on Facebook. As if she might say something any minute now. I messaged her a few times desperately hoping for the impossible, but she is gone. Some primal part of me can't grasp that concept.

She's the one who got me into Steemit. She was always thinking of her friends, always looking out for ways to solve their problems. But in the end, I couldn't solve hers. I was with her the night before, comforting her. Not enough apparently. I don't know what I could have said that would've made the difference, which I didn't already say.

She had a hard life, the details of which will be familiar to anybody who read her blog here on Steemit. Much of it was spent overcoming trauma from abuse in her childhood. The final insult which she could not survive was the suicide of her close friend, Bethanie.

That's when she began trying seriously to kill herself. I think she simply didn't want to be stopped this time. She's been in pain for pretty much her entire life, both emotional and literal (due to interstitial cytosis). It seemed like she was recovering. It seemed like she was on an upward spiral.

I still can't fully process this. I feel everything and nothing. I keep saying "I should've." I should've known she was at heightened risk because last night was the anniversary of Bethanie's suicide. I should have stayed up all night talking her through it.

The hard reality though is that she was determined to die. She tried a few times before this and was bound to eventually succeed. The momentum of Bethanie's fall eventually pulled Laura into the grave with her, just by delayed reaction. That is the true cost of suicide which those considering it rarely think about.

You are still loved and will be sorely missed, Laura. You brightened the lives of everybody who knew you. I wish you hadn't done this, but I understand why. I wish the love of your friends had been enough to stay your hand.

The pain you have caused is beyond measure, and I hope it gives us all reason to think twice before succumbing to pain in our own darkest hours. Suicide was the end of your pain, but only the beginning for everybody who loved you.

I still hold out hope that I will see you again, when it all comes together.

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Laura was one of the earliest Steemians we had on the site. Whether people know it or not, the community that we love has been deeply shaped by her. She will be missed by all.

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This is so sad. Laura cared about helping others, she was very creative, and she definitely played an important role here early on. I remember chatting with her about those early problems she was having with trolls, back when they first starting hounding other women like Stellabelle as well, before we even had downvotes I think. Somehow, Laura stayed strong and kept on writing. She left for a awhile, but came back and worked hard again, getting to a point where she was posting some wonderful material and this community seemed to embrace her, rewarding her posts well. We chatted once more and then I kind of lost track of her. And now this.

Laura, you were one of the strongest people I have ever talked with. You will be missed.

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I'm speechless and sad. Prayers to her family.

@Yehey

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I just feel sad, I do not know much about Laura. Just feel shocked to know about this.

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I'm sorry to say I'm just learning of Laura through this beautifully written piece. I will take these words from @vandeberg and @donkeypong, as well as the author, to heart.

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@andrarchy how to explain the Lauralemons account activity?
https://steemd.com/@lauralemons
EDIT: just a bot following @teamsteem 's voting trail. RIP Laura

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If you suspect a hack or that she is still alive, it is expected to notice at some time claiming of rewards (which might still happen) , new posts/comments and sales of Steem.
My guess is that you will see none of those, but if you will detect either a power down or a new post, feel free to share it with me, since it will be an interesting surprise.
On my wish list I should add that I want to know how to write and activate a bot.
Having written this, I got to wonder where that bot's operation resides.
If it is on her personal device, expect it to cease soon, but there is the cloud thing today, and who knows what more.

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looks like it's just the bot following @ teamsteem 's voting trail.

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She may have also willed her password to somebody.
Dont be surprised to see activity on it.

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Help post.All dollar i will earn from this post will be given to help the flood victim people.do share among friends too.
https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@anilmehta00/flood-in-nepal

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It is a weird thing, I remembered her username but had to search why and found a post of hers I had commented on that contained a comic enjoyed a lot, cute idea, drawing, just really enjoyed it

http://i.imgur.com/8kwWd3d.png

I am very happy to see posts of hers right now of how much art and herself she shared with not only all of us on Steemit but now always out there for anyone to enjoy pieces of who she was.

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so sorry to hear this, may she RIP... :( I've come across quite a few steemians who found their way here because of Laura, and I've had a bunch of introspective interactions with her as well. Such unfortunate news, and while she will be sorely missed, I can only hope somehow she's found the peace she was so desperately searching for.

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That's because she was following @teamsteem's curation trail. Everything he votes for, she will vote for.

https://streemian.com


RIP Laura. I truly hope you've found what you where looking for.

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thanks for the explanation. RIP Laura.

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May she rest in peace! :( @lavater maybe there is a bot set to vote. Like this one: https://steemvoter.com/

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This is so incredibly sad.

That's depression. I have been there too. For other people it's not a big deal but for the people like us who suffered from worst depression. It is very hard to deal with. Me personally, my depression turned into violence. I still remember the time I was the center of attraction in my town. My neighborhood always laugh at me, they gossip about me and they also do things that made me angry. Evertime I go out, they tell something bad about me and laugh. I asked myself why they treated me that way since I don't do anything bad to them. I thought, it was me who has an attitude problem or character problem. I came to a point when I asked my mom for samurai. I want to borrw it on that night because I am mentally ready to kill my enemy. I don't have a supportive family either, I don't feel loved at all. I felt so alone. I felt so sad to the point that I am thinking of killing myself. I was never happy with my sorroundings and family until I met someone who taught me how to love myself. That was the start of knowing myself and finding happiness inside me. I began to realize that the problem is not really me, it is the society. Depression is something that you must give attention because it is mentally hard to deal with. We need love, understanding and patience not hateful words. We need someone who can enlighten our mind and give us hope and wisdom. Because if we feel that we are important to this world, we will start giving ourselves a chance to get up and move on. We want a happy life not a miserable life. We want to live happy and free from discrimination and judgement. We need kindness not rudeness.

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We need love, understanding and patience not hateful words. We need someone who can enlighten our mind and give us hope and wisdom. Because if we feel that we are important to this world, we will start giving ourselves a chance to get up and move on

Yes, jenny1508
Followed you, @jennyrosevelasco

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I understand very well what you mean. Good that you found the one to show you the bright side of the life. I am also getting in and out of depression after being pregnant with my first baby and lost it in the beginning of the 3rd trimester. But when I start to feel very depressed I think to myslef that I have to move on because I really want to have a child and I won't give up on my dream.

Actually I gave birth but he was too small and lived for a month under special cares. He was a little 700 gram fighter - my baby angel. I believe that each and evey person has his time and mission on Earth - one may live 100 year and someone else like my baby has only a month time.

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Help post.All dollar i will earn from this post will be given to help the flood victim people.do share among friends too.
https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@anilmehta00/flood-in-nepal

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Will you please fuckin shut up and not spam the space.....

I only knew Laura for a short time here on Steemit, and I am sad to hear this news. She was one of the earliest followers I had; and we always engaged well on this platform.

Your loss runs deep. No words are appropriate, other than to say; I am so sorry that this has happened. May she be pain free.

Thanks for letting us know, man.
Damn. She was a sweetheart.
Drew my profile pic for me.
Fuck sake.

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Ditto. That shitty picture of me that I drew was drawn so much better by her.

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Roger that. RIP Laura

Suicide is never an option :(

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Sometimes suicide is the only option

Laura could always be counted on to share something thought-provoking, fundament-kicking, and deeply personal. It's surreal to think of someone like that being just gone, no matter how many friends one has lost before.

My deepest sympathies to her family and close friends.

I had a very close online relationship with laura, for well over a year. I met her through the coloring community about a year and a half ago. I bought some of her art.
She sent me a beautful hand crafted card at christmas which i still have.
Unfortunately, laura and I had a disagreement and i haven't spoken with her since may. I would pop onto her steemit to check on her every now and again. She Did seem like she was doing better. She told me about your friendship @alexbeyman
I figured i would give Laura a lot of space and maybe we found re-kindle things eventually.
I'm very sorry for your loss and i am deeply upset by the news as laura was a dear soul and i knew she had a lot of demons. She is what got me on here too

Over a year ago before Steemit's mute function actually worked, Laura and some others she knew were being harassed by some other steemit accounts. I put together this little script to try and help. I remember chatting with her, improving the script based on her feedback, and trying to help her in any way I could. I knew she was troubled but as with many of my friends dealing with serious levels of depression, I was thoroughly impressed with her strength and determination. I'm saddened by her passing and the loss to all those who knew her, but there's also a part of me that is comforted to know she's no longer in pain and torment.

I don't know if that's terrible, but that's how I feel right now.

It's easy for those who don't experience this level of pain to cast judgements on the decisions of others. It's easy, but not helpful. Not much is helpful, unfortunately.

Someone I know in the development community started the organization https://osmihelp.org/ Unfortunately he was not able to raise enough funds to do it full time, but he has still given many talks at conferences all over the world. He's helping so many people understand just how hard this struggle is.

I hope more people (myself included) can work to better understand. We don't judge people who have a broken leg or a broken arm, but for some reason that's still a stigma out there when it comes to mental health. That's ridiculous to me. The brain is just another physical part of the body. Why should we react differently if one part isn't working as we'd like it compared to another part?

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing with us all. She was part of the community and she will be missed. I'm sorry my words don't mean more, but expressing them helps me also.

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Your words mean more than enough, thank you. Laura was in a lot of pain, mental and physical so the fact that she is not suffering anymore is just about the only good that can come from this.

My heart hurts so much right now. I pray she's finally at peace and yet a part of me is so angry! I can't seem to swallow this terrible lump in my throat. I've only known her through Steemit and very recently on Facebook. I thought things were turning around for her. I thought she was... okay.

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Ditto. She masked her sorrow well, last I talked to her she seemed upbeat.

hugs

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Many Hugs . She would want us to be strong and carry on.

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May the almighty give us serenity to accept the things we cannot change. Watch your hurt, dont let the sun go down on it. Cheers.

You did a really great job on this post! I'm so heart broken and sick right now about this. I don't even know what to say. I feel really bad that I didn't try and talk to her all night as well :(
It's sad because things were getting so much better for her! She was even getting new clothes and stuff :(
I wish we could have prevented this :( I miss her so much already.

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Lets place all these in the hands of the almighty God who knows all things. We know a little. Casting our burdens upon the LORD for HE cares for us all.

A Go fund me was set up to help with Laura's arrangements.
https://www.gofundme.com/lovinglauralemons

I'm up-voting this comment to give it a "bump".

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I wish I can give a widow's might.

Man, I really hate hearing things like this. I am sorry for you, and I wish she had held in there. I have lost family members this way in the past.

This is sad. :(

I'm really sorry about this. I can get a glimpse of your suffering, @alexbeyman because I can imagine what kind of torture you're putting yourself through right now. I have a similar, but less intense kind of remorse going about in my mind. I had wanted to co-create a book with Laura, and of course now that is off the table forever.
This is also very disturbing to me personally because when Laura was being sexually harassed on here, I was the one who ended up protecting her, and fighting to get the mute button. It was particularly nasty what she went through at that time. The other personal reason this is disturbing is because Laura joined Steemit because of Kaylinart, who joined because of me. Kaylin and I were in the Choose Yourself facebook group, where I posted incessenantly about Steemit in 2016. Laura and I are connected in that way, as the string of friendship.
I did not do enough clearly. I should have done more as I am quite familiar with suicide. The particular mode of suicide, hanging, is equally disturbing since my own father hung himself.....but luckily, ended up surviving due to the belt buckle breaking during mid-hang. Two of my cousins also killed themselves, and I have had my own moments and years of seriously contemplating "the end". The Bell Jar is never too far away from a desperate mind.
This a tragedy of abuse, at its core, and it's also a lesson, wake up call and a way to think more deeply about the purpose of life.
Tragically, I had picked out her artistic Steemit design, and @road2wisdom is in the middle of getting that art printed on shirts and mugs. I think Laura would have wanted that, so we can remember her in that way.
If you ever want to talk about this, Alex, I'm probably the one who will most be able to relate, since I am familiar with suicide.
My biggest regret: Laura drew my avatar but I never drew hers.
I hope she didn't have pain any more.

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Take heart. Life is for the living, lessons must be learnt and forward movement inevitable.

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@stellabelle : please don't blame yourself. I was close with her, too. I'm sure many of us are thinking we could have done or said more, but she has been at it for a while and in a lot of pain. The doctors could not fix her, and neither could we. As much as we might try. I know she valued every one in her life that gave a damn. Her family, the people that were supposed to be closest to her, failed her. Not us.

It's devastating to hear news like this. I'm genuinely sorry for your loss, Alex, and also for Steemit's loss of such a wonderful blogger. It sounds like you really put in a valiant effort to help Laura. Thank you for that.

This is shocking news, incredibly sad. I was a big fan of Laura and enjoyed her posts. I will miss her and I'm sure many many others feel the same. RIP dear Laura.

Damn, she was a good Steemian. I definitely enjoyed some of her posts and I like her art style, the little cartoon version of herself is awesome.
RIP lauralemons. You will always live on in the blockchain.

This is incredibly sad... I remember Laura very bravely writing about the loss of her friend. She was once accused of "making it up" as a way to scam steemit. What a sick minded person to target somebody at their most vulnerable. I admired Laura for openly expressing and reflecting on her grief and her suicide attempts. She was the main target of a particular troll, those who are here long enough would remember. Whenever i talked to her about it though she seemed very strong and well able to ignore his abuse.

A month ago she wrote about making the pledge and getting sober.. She wrote about her grief she was preparing herself to endure of the upcoming anniversary...

I recently read that it's not in a suicidal persons darkest moment that they'll take their own life but it's actually when they start to brighten up that we need to keep a closer eye on them. If you look at how she was writing for the passed month it actually looks like she was making real efforts to keep her spirits high.

Here's a positive post about how VR changed her life. Here's another celebrating 36 days sober. And this drawing is her most recent post...

Rip @lauralemons. You were a beautiful person and a loss to this whole community

I'm so sorry and saddened to read this. I first found Laura's account because she drew such a beautiful portrait of @kaylinart. I was drawn to her drawings. It's so sad to learn of her passing. I know she was in a lot of physical pain. May she rest in peace.

I didn't get to meet her here. But I do know the pain you are feeling as I had a family member commit suicide. My aunt froze herself to death. I wrote this about it in a time of deep sorrow:

FLOWER IN THE SNOW

Broken Flower in the snow,
out of place, now out of time.
Heaven weeps for the fallen.

Wounded spirit never healing,
yearning, longing unfulfilled.
Elusive happiness stands waiting,
love all around unseen.

Lies swarming inside your head,
stinging your soul, blinding your eyes.
Muffled cries escape your core, indistinguishable.
Nocturnal groans swallowed.

Hopelessness invades, suffocating,
anger and bitterness rage.
The storm inside does not abate,
freedom never comes.

Feeling used and discarded you throw yourself away,
but promised black nothingness does not exist.
Fragile Flower fading softly, silence falling in the frosty forest,
remnant of life left behind.

Pangs of sorrow overwhelming,
questions left unanswered.
Pain caused by a chasm created,
broken hearts left scattered.

Beam of light breaks through the clouds,
reaching through the darkness.
Creator of life lovingly, gently,
lifts the crushed Flower from the snow.

I hope maybe it helps. I wrote a post about this a couple months ago now, you can get the background story here https://steemit.com/life/@aboutyourbiz/flower-in-the-snow-a-suicide-story

My god! I'm so sorry, man! What terrible news. I never actually knew of her until reading your post (her username does sounds very familiar) but it seems she was very well respected in the community at large. My heart goes out to you, her family and friends.

Thank you for putting together such a touching piece, bro. Very sorry once again. :(

p.s. (Can't believe she went through such a hard time on Steemit in the beginning. I hope those piece of shit trolls burn for putting her through that.)

Wait what! I cant believe it this.. its deeply sad @alexbeyman she was a great member of the community she shared some great art and talked deep into things, so unreal.

This is really sad. Sorry for your loss. Pls accept my deepest condolence friend.

What? @LauraLemons committed suicide? I'm surprised I did not find out about this before, I this post thanks to a link on a post from @cathi-xx, I see that the last time @LauraLemons was active on Steemit was 17 days ago, so she died two days after?

I can only imagine how you feel, I myself have lost someone dear to me years ago, so I can relate to your pain and to the feeling of wanting to have done something to prevent her from killing herself, I also dealt with suicidal tendencies when I was a teen and I can tell you by experience that it's not easy to help somebody that just want's to end the pain, the reason that I did not kill myself was partly because I did not want to cause pain to my family and because I thought that death would not solve the problem.....

The only thing else that I can say is my deepest condolences for the loss of your friend, she will be missed and you have my support

I'm truly sorry for your loss. I only know the part of her that she shared here, and I always liked her, and appreciated her openness, and kindness. It makes me sad to hear this.
I hope you can move on, in time.

Man, hope you do well. No one can live for others. Be strong. Sorry for your loss.

Can we set up some sort of lauralemons curation trust for artists here on steemit? I think she may have liked that.

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I don't know how. Right now I'm just trying to process what's happened.

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Grieve for now. We can discuss this later. Any firend of hers, I'm happy to have as a friend of mine. Provebial door is open.

This sort of had me in tears , I wish she R.I.P. And I hope people know that suidcide is never the answer , there are people in the world that love them and don't know how it would feel to them if they were gone . This community has lost a true asset :(

This is so so sad.... @melodyrussell had talked about laura on a couple occasions and had told me about how rough of a time she was having and how strong she was... she will be missed. ..

Crap.

Laura was one of the first "artsy" people I found on Steemit. Seemed like she really cared about Steemit... a lot.

She reminds me a lot of someone I knew in college who... ironically... also took her own life.

Sorry for your loss Alex... and just sad for the loss of a beautiful soul. Dammit.

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I was a close personal friend of Laura's for about a year. She loved steemit.

So sorry I did not get to meet her. I survived my own bout of suicidal behavior, my situation was a drug reaction, I had the "black box" reaction to SSRIs. Went in sad, came out suicidal... I survived, but it makes me very sensitive to people who don't make it. My brother lost the battle last spring., on his SSRIs. The question no one even seems to ask is "Why is our society so bad at helping suicidal people?" I know there is a big element of they have to want help and be willing to accept help, but even those who fulfill those requirements just get handed an Rx, with a black box warning...

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Try and always speak positive about mental health and just try and educate people as you can, I am sorry for the loss of your brother and wish you such better times and growth in dealing .

What a terrible thing to hear. Hanging is a tough way to go too. One of my friends recently hung himself too. No prior attempts, but short cries for help that weren't exactly noticeable.

We all have our cries sometimes, be it through complaining about something, or acting a certain way that expresses your burden without words. Ultimately, some of us have that sort of pain inside that cannot be quenched by anything but the end. It's a tough thing to say outloud because some people have complete opposite thoughts of what suicide is and do not understand the pain that the person is going through.

Even if it's trivial, it's as real as anything when you feel it. Sorry for the loss to anyone who has known her. I hope she is at peace, RIP.

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I used to have that. Then I read about #pizzagate and mkultra. Now I think I was just being a wuss. It's perspective

I didn't know her, but I can only imagine how surreal this must feel. My deepest condolences.

I can understand why she left, I hope she has found peace for a moment at least. I had a feeling she might go, I wish I could of helped her more, my heart feels so heavy, I truly did understand her pain. I will say prayers that she can find her way through her past conditioning and find the light. <3

Wow, I can't believe it. I only knew her briefly on here but she seemed like such an awesome person. I'm sorry, alex.

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She was. Laura was warm, soft and brave. If this can happen to her, then I don't understand life.

She was a peach, I was just talking to her not long ago.. Fuck.. :/

Hate to admit it but I cried a little on hearing this news, feels like I failed her somehow.

If anyone needs someone to talk to please just get ahold of me. Can't stand to lose any more of my community to depression.

She's immortalized on our blockchain and in our memories. I'm sure she's looking down on us mortal fools from valhalla. If the STEEM community members suffering don't reach out for help it's very hard to prevent them from doing something permenant. Live fast, die young... still way to early though.. :(

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I was thinking the same thing dude. Like, maybe I could have said something or done something that might have contributed to her not making that decision.

So sorry for your loss and for that of the steemit community. She seems like a beautiful soul- my good friend Johnny committed suicide in 2015 and I am still working through that myself. I hope that everyone involved finds some peace- especially her. Sending you some love in this trying time.

Condolence to you Sir. I can feel your sadness and emptiness. I have the same situation with you. My close friend also committed suicide a year ago and then this last August, his friend also committed suicide. Both were still 18 years old when they decided to end their lives. It's just so sad that they cannot cope with all their problems and chose this kind of option to solve them. Still, they will be always be remembered by their good deeds as well as Laura.

Thank you for sharing this difficult and emotional post. Sending you and the ones around her soothing thoughts. Even though time has a way of healing, there is no compressing time or grief. Keep yourself well.

Oh, fuck man. I am so, so sorry to hear this, dude...I don't even know what to say. I've dealt with having a loved one commit suicide before, and it's truly heartbreaking and frustrating. My heart goes out to you, brother. If you ever need to vent or talk just DM me on the steemit chat.

I hope she can rest in peace, and that wherever she is that she's in a better place. I didn't know her, but just from looking at the out pour of comments here talking about how wonderful she is I'm sure she was an absolutely great person who is missed by all. This is truly tragic.

Suicide is devastating. I grew up watching my mother struggle with her first husband's suicide. It is something few people can come to terms with.

I am very sorry for your loss.

This is so heart-wrenching and sad. I draw too and this is her self-portrait and a great job of pencil drawing by Laura. Such talent is inborn and from this portrait, which was a few years ago, Laura already is showing signs of melancholy and emotional pain deep in her soul.

Alas, if I had known her then and now, I would encourage her to get professional help and meantime, walk with her every step of the way if I can, as years ago, when I was much younger like her age, I too have trapped feelings and unfulfilled aspirations too, as every creative and artistic personality has this heavy yoke to carry.

Rest in peace Laura and hope you have found release from the torment you must surely have been battling with till the last moment of your soulful and eventful life, though we all would have wished you are still here with us, sharing the joys and pains of living in this world, knowing it is after all a transient sojourn before we arrive at a much better place in paradise.

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I read up her blog and realized it's not her self portrait. Yet, an artist usually picks a subject of her art that allows her inner feelings to pour out through the artwork and this piece of portrait screams intense melancholy.
https://steemit.com/art/@lauralemons/getting-back-to-my-roots-what-inspires-me-to-draw

I am sorry to hear this.
I have seen her around and read some of her posts.
I know she will be missed.
My condolences to all her family and friends.
Namaste

This can't be real. I am at a loss for words.

Let me explain it for you : she just skipped some years , it's not too bad , you will die , I will die, we are all gonna die , nobody will stay alive ! , I think she is more happier than us now

@alexbeyman,
First of all I want to say, sorry for the loss! But my friend please stand still... this is not your fault!

Actually I don't know "Laura" until I read this post and didn't even check her profile yet! If she think hang herself will end all pains that she had, she is absolutely wrong (according to my religion)! I can understand she had very bad times and she had very painful life from the beginning, but it doesn't mean "you must suicide to finish this whole pain"!

I don't know... actually I don't know... what should I say... but this is not your fault Alex! Yes, you lost one of your good friend, yeah you might think why I finished that call... but it doesn't say it's your fault! You were her good friend, you did your best for her!

I think she had higher stress level and she had no chance to manage it! So, she took that decision! Now she is gone and what we can do is wish her "Dear Laura, Rest in peace"!

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is there any religion that can keep human alive forever ? come on bro , we are all gonna die , she just skipped maybe 30 or 40 years , is it too much ? we are just staying alive because we scared of death and also we want to be Worn out , and taste it , I saw many old people death , so much misery , first you lose your power and you cant stand on your legs , then you lose your ability to talk and you can't talk , just a useless thing , and slowly and slowly you will die , and that will hurt you more bro :) , don't judge suicide people , I believed you if you could tell me that human can stay alive forever , so if not , fuck it , let's die , when we are already going to die .... if you make the life shorter then you can understand me better , think life is 7 days , one week , you say we have to live that 7 days , I say we can die after 1 or 2 days , but it's people chose , they can chose 7 days and die after 7 days , what's different ?
and don't try to take some of my words out and stay against me , I am not a weak person and I know she was not a weak person too , we are all hard worker people , and we never give up , but maybe she understood more than us , maybe she found the reality and she wanted to release herself , without Zeus or god of seas or god of any religions power , she did it with her own hands

It's been not more than a month I have spent on Steemit. I have not heard her before. But after reading this post, I m sure she deserves to be remembered for the years to come. R.I.P Laura. My heartiest & deepest condolences to all her family members, friends.

It'll be difficult to express any feeling towards her since I m totally unknown to her but @alexbeyman, my fellow steemian, your loss is unmeasurable. My deepest condolences are with you too.. I am extremely sorry for your loss.

I remember her, its hard to understand what kind of suffering can make someone turn to that. I know now her suffering has ended, its just unfortunate she couldn't find another way.

Please accept my condolences for your loss of your friend. Looks like a long depression killed her. It's very sad. Depression is a terrible disease. Don't blame yourself that you had lost your friend. Depression cannot be cured by words, they provide only temporary relief to the patient. Many patients refuse to go to the hospital, not taking depression seriously. Although treatment of the disease have a good doctor by applying medication. This is a terrible disease that can come back again and again, when it seems that its peak is already behind us. It is a pity that many people do not take it seriously. In my country depression do not recognize the disease.Relatives may even laugh at the sick man, saying, "It's you against idleness invent, pull yourself together" or the like. And that only worsen the situation. Man retreats into himself, and unfortunately can not get out. I wish you to accept the loss, let your memories remain fond memories of your friend.

Rest In peace. She was one of the best users on steemit.

I never met Laura, but you have penned an awesome tribute to her. She sounds like she was deeply loved by those who knew her. I am incredibly sorry for your loss, and the loss to the many communities (online and off) that she inhabited.

This is excessively sad, someone who helped others and at the end whoever tried really couldn't help her.

oh wow @alexbeyman, this is incredibly sad. I read her posts regularly but didnt realize she was so close to the edge. I'm so so sorry you've lost your dear friend and I'm sorry for the world to have lost Laura.
Laura, thank you for all you were and all you did, may you rest in peace and be free of pain and become one with everything.

This is truly tragic, and I am sorry for your loss. I did not know her, but I just read few of her posts now. And I have to admit, I feel guilty that I didn't come across her and see all the references she made to suicide. It's a hopeless feeling when someone is determined to die, but there's always that thought that maybe someone could've said something that made them rethink. I really think they should be someone kind of suicide-watch team for steemians who show same or similar signs. It's not much, but it's support that could help save someone some day.

It breaks my heart to think of her pain and that there was no other escape. Perhaps we could build a steemit support network in her name? An extra line of defence for anyone going through a particularly difficult time.

You know, my sister @grottbags' best friend killed himself, seemingly so long ago now. Completely out of the blue, and she's still suffering from it practically on a daily basis over 5 years on. I knew him, but I can't even begin to imagine what she and yourself are going through, I can just say that you're not alone with the feelings that will follow.

Wow.. Suicide is always difficult to wrap our heads around.. Impressive that she was one of the first one on this platform, helping to build such a wonderful community with warm and genuine people and still that love and being of service for many others wasn't enough. Life is harsh at some times mentally. Rest in peace. Glad you helped creating this community!!!

I didn't know her myself, but i've lost friends to suicide in the past, some of whom I tried to save and some of whom it was so sudden I couldn't do anything.

Try not to blame yourself, sometimes they can't be saved no matter how hard we try.

My condolences, I hope you're doing okay yourself.

This is a heartbreaking news :'(
In behalf of steemit family , I would like to say " condolence to the family and friends ". I don't exactly know who she is and how related is she here on steemit community but I guess she made a lot of inspiration, happiness and articles for all steemers . Rest in Peace Ms. Laura.

Sorry to hear this. Let me provide a solution to the problem of depression and financial pressure. I wrote a blog post about it but nobody upvotes it:

Lauralemons wanted Supplemental Security Income. She had to Power Down although she worked hard.

People who are already sick have to undergo terrible treatment by the government until they get what they deserve.

I know it because my mother had to undergo it and me as well. In my case they never wanted to give it to me and even discouraged me by saying that I will never get it. They listed me as a person who can work. Looks better for the statistic. Once I had the appointment for SSI I didn't go.

I was scared to go there because they want to know everything about you.
I knew how the government doctors treated my mother (inhumane) and so I didn't want to go there and was scared. Also the feeling you get is like being naked or groped or so and if you already have problems and are weak you don't want that. To tell strangers your problems is not good because for them you are just a number.

Could Laura still live if she wouldn't have had the financial pressure?
I decided to sleep outside in the winter without sleeping bag just so that I do not have to go to the shelter where there is violence and humiliation. Better sleep outside than getting hurt again which would open the wounds again.

I think it's time to give people who have problems money.
My father made suicide which gives me a 5 times higher chance to also do it. Same with my sister. She has 2 children, works, takes care of my mother and is since years sick from stress. I would not want that she has to take welfare (because they are assholes who treat you bad) - institutions.

I have no problem to share 33 percent of the income I make with real account holders. Violence comes from somewhere. My father made suicide because he was beaten so often and his parents were mean (went to Catholic church by the way). I guess they were trying to do something similar as 'beat the gay out of him'.

So I don't want to be a a part of a network where healthy people make money of people who aren't and at the same time they suffer from poverty. I don't care anymore what they think (almost). I mean to find a global consensus. We have to make a network which helps us all. This also will attract many users because it tackles the real problem and provides a solution.

I made $5 by telling a businessman about Steemit, SBD and others here
make 150 by posting dumplings. That is wrong. It wouldn't be wrong if a part of the dumpling post would go to other accounts so that weak people would not have financial problems that's why I want a change now.

Sign up in the comments if you think the same and let's do it.

You can ask me questions and I will explain to you what you cannot understand because you never experienced it. Please comment with ideas and if you support me (and you, your brother, sister et cetera). One last word. Science is more and more showing that buddhists got it likely right. Reincarnarion or nirvana. What does that mean? That when you meet a child it could be your mother. Peace, love, respect, unity :)

I feel so sorry on your loss. I know what friends mean. It is hard to believe and u always feel like that they would call anytime. I lost my friend, a very dear friend couple of months back and i still cannot believe that he is no more. While i was grieving i read this note on a sign board i e, Jesus says that your beloved one is with me now. Happily staying in heaven and free from all worldly pain and complications.

This note consoled me and made me at ease with this loss. I know its hard to accept bit now she is divine and u should live with the memories of good times u had together....

RIP LAURA LEMONS

Life is so valuable and precious. We as a society have lost the value on it. It is like nothing else on earth.

I did not know her and even I been on steemit for a year, I did not see her posts... suicide is always tragic and it affected me to read this some days ago... I am not sure what else to say, it is tragic and i hope her friends will heal from this tragic event.

her account is still active https://steemd.com/@lauralemons
it upvoted this reply just over an hour ago.
https://steemit.com/geoengineering/@teamsteem/geoengineering-in-the-wake-of-the-storm#@aboutyourbiz/re-teamsteem-geoengineering-in-the-wake-of-the-storm-20170908t144341269z

EDIT: It is just a bot following @ teamsteem voting trail.
RIP Laura

This is the second time I found myself reading this post and still find it so disturbing to the final act of this lady. I think it's a good thing to always be around love ones especially when we noticed difference in the character towards life.

Guys this is very sad and unfortunate, I still dont know why human beings cant realize that there are others with feelings around them and we need to give them a ear to listen to their ordeals. From what I have been going through from yesterday I know for sure @lauralemons did not deserve to die.

Life sometimes has its own way of dealing with things. We have a project called @voiceshares where all those who feel lonely and depressed can come and share their stories to find a support system by staying anonymous. Without the fear of being judged and bullied, talk and interact with people who connect with their stories.

Kindly think of us once when you feel you dont have anyone.... we do not want to loose any more friends ... you are all important to us and humanity.... Even if you come across someone who need such help please direct them to @voiceshares, lets help them as much as possible.

Remember humanity still exists and there are people ready to help....RIP Laura :(

No words can describe the feeling we get, when losing someone special from our lives. Many who knew her will feel sadness or anger, while processing what happened. Not knowing when someone is at the breaking point, is the hardest thing to figure out. I hope you will eventually find comfort as you go through this tough time. Though it saddens me to think she gave up, I am glad she is no longer suffering.

Not sure if this is the right place for share such a sad thing.
btw, rest in peace.

I feel sorry to hear this. Since I am new here I did not get chance to know her but I am sure she was a good soul as many of the steemians are in praise for her. Good people are loved by the God so he calls them up soon. She is in better place now. RIP

May her soul rest in peace. May those who are here but are contemplating suicide, have a change of mind. God loves you all.

Omg! I'm so sorry to hear this. I did'nt get to know her 🙁Im so sorry for all the things she's been through but i wish she didnt do that. Condolences to all her family and friends.
Rest in peace sweet lady.

This is so sad. Laura was one of our oldest customers from the steem community, and I've exchanged several emails with her over the past year including one just a few weeks ago, nothing terribly personal, just a support issue but she was always very pleasant to interact with. There's a sense of unreality about the whole thing, how can someone so young be there one moment then be gone?

·

yes I am sorry for the departure of the young woman.
may I know, whether the young woman had a dangerous disease?
@blocktrades is this your family?

·

I have a problem in my account has become very weak what should I do @blocktrades

·

im so sorry to hear that...i will cheer you up @blocktrades just want you to smile on the moment..i resteem this article of @mrblu this good content i guess just want you to be happy even little time..https://steemit.com/poetry/@mrblu/poem-don-t-touch-me

Our condolences @alexbeyman
We'll miss you, @lauralemons. Rest in peace.

I can´t believe it I´m following her account for a long time I like her style and everything that she does, right now she is flying like a bird and always smiling!!

I´ll don´t forget u Laura..!

Really sad she's gone. Rest in peace.

Oh my god
Pleace accept my condolences
I also make missing

Sincere condolences

She is very besuridul and compassionate many will mourn and many changed because of her woel wiah i knee of her sooner have a sisiter who almpst died from cutting from shoulder to wrist now taking ap courses because of the compassion i ahowed her and caring amd helopd her when needed

Oh this is the worst news to read . So young and so gone. So .......final. Small consolation but no pain can get to her now.

Grief over the incident that happened to your friend Alex. I hope you can meet him again someday Alex.

God this is a sad story. Just so sad.

I did not know her nor have I been on Steemit long, but to hear of something so tragic is never okay. Sorry to hear of your loss and a loss to the Steemit community. :(

Hello freind please follow me and

I am really sorry for this personal loss to you and her family and to anyone on Steemit she had touched. Thank you so much for sharing this news that is no doubt hard to do, I hope the positive memories you shared with her stay with you forever.

Anyone that is thinking about this last step, please call a suicide hotline. One in the US is 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255). You can also chat with them here.

WHAT? omg that is so so so sad!!!!! She was in a lot of pain. Giving her huge spiritual hugs & love. Gosh this is just so sad! :( Rest easy beautiful <3

Sad to read this. RIP.

You have our cry and sympathy for this trying times. Be strong may she has rest in peace.

amigo #resteemia at your service

'rest in peace Laura'. sorry for this bad news @alexbeyman

ReSteemia
'UpVote ReSteem Comment'

Who knows....maybe her afterlife is much more peaceful than what she used to be in.......Who knows ...maybe her soul has finally found a place where there is no need to hide ua pain...sufferings and emotions ...because in that world people communicate through eyes......laura ...u will be deeply remembered for not what u did,,but what u stood for.....U have left a burning scar in the steem it family......we may not know each other but even then i can understand what ua friends and family will be going through

You can't blame yourself man. This is really sad and there are a lot of people dealing with suicidal thoughts. Thank you for telling us about this and hopefully it can bring awareness to the situation if anyone else is feeling alone.

It is so painful to lost one of our own. I do not know about her post before, but I have found it. So painful she is gone. This is a tragic one

Sorry for our loss...she was very pretty...

Gosh, this is so sad @alexbeyman. I am really sorry to hear about your loss. I have been living in Japan for while now and it has become the center of my world. In fact, I came on this platform to write about it, so I know what you are talking about. It is good that we could see a face. I can't show the faces of those I have shared so much with. I hope you don't mind me resteeming it. I will have to read it one more time and I hope that you will write more about this; it can be quite cathartic.

This is terrible news. Crushing really...

Only last month she posted this "Please, Never Give up on Life no Matter How Badly You Hurt." :'( so sad... and with a never ending 'why'... I didn't know her, I'm new on steemit as well, but reading her story from her blog and yours and others' steemians broke my heart...

@alexbeyman - hope you are doing well Alex. Be strong & don't blame to yourself. You had nothing to do with it Alex. Sorry for your loss. Please accept my deepest sympathy Alex.

+W+

sorry for your loss !

It's very sad and sad! Let it be good in heaven. Let rest in peace.

Que su alma descanse en paz

Sorry to hear about your friend Laura. Best wishes :)
-@splendorhub