You're Not Perfect And That's OK

in #success6 years ago (edited)

Fire Extinguisher.jpg

Life isn't an emergency. Most people seem to think otherwise.

Take my boss for example. EVERYTHING at work seems to be some sort of emergency. I swear he works at least 70 hours per week, staying way past the end of the day.

I can't imagine why.

Out of my 19 working years, this is the second easiest place I have worked. And the easiest one I worked for only 2 years!

I have worked at my current location for 4 years and have maybe seen only 2 or 3 real emergencies in that time. Nothing else would require a person to work later than normal, but not for my boss.

He's married and has a kid or two. Working so long has to come at a cost elsewhere, like in neglecting his family as well as his own dreams because he thinks everything at work is an emergency. Instead of being with them, he is at work. He is at work because he believes if he doesn't work for eighty hours per week he won't get everything done.

I would like to remind him that the emails will never stop but he should. He wouldn't listen though, I know his type.

It's not just him either.

My wife was telling me about a conversation she had with one of her friends. Her friend told her that she wasn't able to get the house cleaned up after breakfast for her and her kids and before she left for work in the morning.

This lady was so upset about it that she recently began taking Xanax (an anti-anxiety drug) after talking to a doctor. She felt that she had to clean up every dish, every countertop, and have everything put back – or else! It was as if she was taken hostage and had a gun pointed towards her head.

Of course, this was all in her head. There was no gun. But her mind still told her that even this little thing was an emergency! But it simply is that she, alone, created the pressure of perfection that she was experiencing.

While this may be extreme, I have met and seen (myself included) plenty of people turn something small into a great emergency in their mind.

On the path towards our goals, we can take everything as a serious emergency. That if we don't work towards our goal as much or as best that we can that the imaginary gun pointed towards our head will go off.

This is all just in our head. We have to remember that each day is not an emergency. We can't forget to have fun along the way.

So cut yourself a little bit of slack and stop beating yourself up over not reaching perfection on our self-enforced conditions and deadlines.

Besides, just doing ANYTHING to advance towards your goal is more than the vast majority of people are doing with their time.

Stone Stairs Down.jpg

Become at peace with your imperfection.

Have you ever noticed how quickly negative thoughts can lead you down a path into the darkness? You think of one thing that you could have done better then you think of it leading to something even worse and that thought leads to another and then down you go.

All this thinking is getting caught up in the thing that is bothering you and you start to feel worse and worse.

Maybe it isn't even something you've done yet. Often it can be about something you are going to do in the future. You might struggle to sleep the night before you have a big presentation at work. You start thinking about your slides or graphs and wonder if you have made a mistake in them. You might think about being nervous in front of the group and how badly they are going to think of you then.

(This is just one example, it could be an important test at school or Black Friday if you work in retail.)

You rehearse all this in your mind and get even more upset.

ABOUT THINGS THAT HAVEN'T EVEN HAPPENED - and probably won't. How silly is that?

Some people live like this every day. Always thinking about the worst thing that can happen. How are you supposed to feel at peace when you have all these thoughts moving around in your head?

To combat this you have to realize when you are starting down the negative spiral.

For example, when you think about a possible error in your presentation, make a mental note to check them again before the presentation. But don't let yourself think about it any further. Stop that train of thought before it has a chance to leave the station with your sanity on board.

You could then focus on remembering those tips you watched on YouTube about how to project confidence via body language.

By stopping the negative thought spiral as soon as you notice it starting and turning it around will make you feel better about yourself.

The presentation might be very important but filling your head with negative thoughts will only make you feel even more stressed about it.

The next time you find yourself starting down this path consciously end it before it begins. You might be astounded by how well it works.

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What a nice information provided. Good post having nice content. Thanks for sharing.

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I was once like your boss... high strung, everything had to get done, or everything before I dropped.

Every day I went home worn out and tired, every day I did EVERYTHING I could possibly do... and when I came home. I was a zombie. I didn't talk to anyone, let alone my girlfriend. I hardly talked to family and usually it was short conversations because we needed something from each other.

I ended up in the hospital and that is when my boss (still love her for this) told me I was taking a vacation and we would talk about what I wanted to do when I got back.

For 9 days my vacation lasted and on the last day my boss called me and told me I was one of the best she ever had working for her (in 28 years of her career I felt some sense of honor at the remark)..... but that I was going to work myself to death if I kept up.

I was tired, worn out, and I needed a break.... more so than just a vacation for 9 days. I decided to take a leave with the offer to come back when ever I wanted to. I didn't...

Instead I took 3 months off and started over..... after those 3 months I made a new life in California and I haven't worked more than 60 hours in a week since. Although, my usual work week is around 30-35 hours.

Sure... I make A LOT less money. Ya know what though, it is so worth it. I have a lot more time. I am a lot more happy and with my son on the way. I think the new me will do him and my wife a lot better than me working and being gone all the time.

Honest story Timbo. Thx for sharing this.
We do have a lot of people with burn outs at work. And the number is increasing. Most of these people don't see it coming, which makes it extra hard for them, cause they consider themselves as a failure. Which they aren't! Hell no!
When your son arrives. Make sure that you see him growing up. It is was of the most beautiful things in life. My sons are now 6 and 9 years old. You will understand that you will work to give them a better future, but don't underestimate the fact that they also need you around him.

Thanks for sharing your story. I was reading this and I was reminded of the Harry Chapin song "Cat's In The Cradle."

Here it is, it is a good song with a great lesson.

Yea great song, I have listened to it many times. I refuse to be that kind of a father.

Some people just love drama and if there are non they will create some - thank you for this post - I cannot agree more. Resteem

Thanks for the resteem :D

During my PhD I was working 18 hours per day. I wanted to be perfect; I wanted to write in a perfect way. I hardly had anytime for myself and for my husband, and after my PhD, it took me two years to recover from the burn out. It's really important to take a break, and not to try to be perfect.

Ouch! However, I am glad you realized it was killing you. Some people never learn that.

Stop that train of thought before it has a chance to leave the station with your sanity on board.

In other words: get OFF the train! ;)

Haha! Yeah, get OFF that train and board one bound towards a better destination. 😛

I think sometimes we should leave things work for themselves. Just trying our level best and then forgetting all the Hussle. Most time, I just feel like im empty or my goals for the day have not accomplished. I can push my day up to 2 am and the result in the morning is just "feeling like sleeping more when the day has started"

This advice will help me especially as a students. Sometimes I can be having 4 tests anf presentations for the week and my mind is like Jonathan who brought you at campus and the pressure can pull me down like crazy.

Your experimentation is really and I'll try to keep the things and give my self some peace of mind to really feel relaxed all the time

P.S: @getonthetrain you look being a good book reader may be you should pack them all and then make a book

make a book

I've been thinking of it. :D

Wauuhhh...great then I'll be among the first readers

ABOUT THINGS THAT HAVEN'T EVEN HAPPENED - and probably won't. How silly is that?

I failed 3 years in vet college because just before the exam i got so afraid of it that i didn't even go, but i realized something, if we don't try we will never be able to achieve anything, i always try now, even if i don't get an A i can still get a B.
What i normally use to get me out of that spiral are previous memories, remembering all my friends going to the next grade and me stuck 1 year before them, remembering ppl making "fun" of me because of it, etc... when i start remembering all these things i get angry and that is when i shine the best, i'm like a sith i use the dark side of the force in my favour xD

You learned your lesson well, it seems. And hey, anger isn't always bad as you know.

"Life isn't an emergency. Most people seem to think otherwise."

That is a great quote. A lot of people are so quickly to view everything this way and not think about the next day let alone next month or year.

Too busy with nothing to plan a better future.

I loved your post, and especially this sentence:

"He's married and has a kid or two. "

From what you say about your boss, that could have been him speaking here. Does he even know how many kids he has? And how old they are? Has he witnessed them taking their first steps, speaking their first words?

His missing out on all that just to be 'busy' at work. Or more likely, to feel needed.

I am thinking he might be an "insecure overachiever"

I read this article recently which I think you might enjoy. https://hbr.org/2018/02/if-youre-so-successful-why-are-you-still-working-70-hours-a-week

Thank you for the link. I'm going to check it now.

To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.

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