In or Out?

in #story6 years ago

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Artists are born but they must also be made. There’s an undeniable amount of fearlessness, exposure, excruciating work, and focus that go into it...among countless other things that could be seen as sacrifice.

Could be.

But if that’s how you view it, you may not truly be an artist. Or at least you may not be ready to embrace your path with vigor and aplomb.

I was raised by artists who never fully committed to their paths. In fact they often fought against it, opting to be more “practical” and “realistic”. But they also went through periods of rabid creative expression. And for a tiny, forming artist, this was super confusing.

I was told to express myself, be true, discover my artistic calling. I was also told in no uncertain terms that being an artist was an aside, a hobby, something you took out occasionally just for fun. But it was not to be a career. Never should one choose it as a life path.

Being a real artist could only lead to misery and scarifice, madness and suffering.

My mother was born an artist who wanted to be a singing actress. In actuality, she was one. A very talented one at that. She starred in all of her school productions through grade to middle to high...and even in college. She was scouted towards the end of her degree and was offered a Hollywood screen test.

If I close my eyes and focus, I can hear my grandfather discouraging her. I can hear her own internal demons urging her to wake up and get real. They probably told her she wasn’t good enough or pretty enough. They rolled their eyes and asked her who the hell she thought she was...she clearly wasn’t special. And I suspect they warned her of the dismal existence she faced if she had the audacity to get on that plane.

You may wonder how I can conjure such vivid imaginings. The answer is simple but tragic: These were some of the things I was told by my mother any time I started to shine.

I watched my mother suffer in misery. I watched her sacrifice her true self out of fear. I watched her go mad repeatedly. And I watched her leave this earth having exchanged her dreams and desires for material goods which never served her spirit.

So which path is better and which is worse? This is a question only you can answer for yourself. It took me way too long to answer it for myself. But I finally did. And if you’re reading this - if you follow my blog - my choice is no mystery to you.

I believe that life is to short - and too long - not to follow your bliss. And let’s be perfectly honest: there are trade-offs and prices to pay for whatever path you choose. There will always be sacrifices. In or out - either way - you will be giving something up.

My mother sacrificed happiness, fulfillment, and purpose for comfort and security. And I’ll admit I’ve done that at times, too. It’s so seductive in this world to trade your soul for these things. But at the end of the day, I had to heed the call of the artist within.

I’m in, baby. ALL in!

What about you?

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All in, all the way! I also have artistic family who decided to be realistic. It didn't make them happy

Ecxactly! It’s been a seesaw for me. But I’m finally all in. Not everyone in my life “gets” it. But it’s my life...so EFF it. You totally strike me as a true artist and someone who walks the walk fully.

I still wanna chat. I’m battling a flu or something. I will tackle the chat thing as soon as I feel human.

Get better soon!

Thank you! Slowly but surely...almost feeling human again. Whatever that means. 😄

Most of the time, I'll settle for functional. On that note, my back still hurts from falling off the chair but it's getting better slowly

That fear of being a poor artist of any kind, writer, actor, photographer, artist.....was drilled into us too. I think it was that era. The baby boomers especially. We had to achieve more than our parents who experienced the great depression.

I'm glad people today are encouraged to hone their talents.

My mom was a boomer. But she had an odd path. She lost her mother at 5 and never healed from that. She was also from a pretty wealthy family - on her mother’s side - who lost almost everything in the big crash and depression, before she was born.

My grandfather was selfmade and my grandmother’s family looked down on him because he wasn’t old money...even though their old money was gone and his new money saved the day. And I think my grandfather was pretty judgmental about the attitude of his wife’s people...the artistic sensibilities and the entitlement.

This all did a real number on my mother.

I try to put myself in her shoes. I try. But she did a real number on me and and I can’t help but wonder why she didn’t want better for her own kids.

Anyway, I got some good things from her, too. And I’m worked no hard to embrace those. I’ve had a tendency to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Damned baby won’t go. So it’s time to learn to love the freakin’ baby.

Ya...that's hard. I know. I have a story similar. These things all leave marks on us.

Just learn to be you, not your mom.

I worked so hard focusing on not being like my mom that I never got to know what I was supposed to be.

Isn’t that the struggle? Very well put. We are going n similar paths, my friend.

There's this thing, Jim Carey said: "if you're eventually going to fail, why not fail at something you love to do? You might even succeed." And that's what keeps me going. I want to become a writer. And I hope you find all the courage to become an artist. :)

Thank you! I already am an artist. And a writer. In fact I’ve been writing professionally my entire adult life.

But I gave up the rat race six years ago and focus soley on creating artistically now. I’m not rich. But I’m doing what I love and what I truly believe I was born to do. It’s a slow and steady road. I only wish that I’d had the cojones to do it all along.

Maybe on your artistic road you'd find a way to achieve your other dream too. :)

Hmmmm...you mean the one where I’m the princess of the universe?

You mean universe? Okay. I just meant you can still write a novel and get published. :)

Hahahahaha! That too...although I believe the era of the great novel may have passed.

Thanks for catching my Freudian typo. 😄

I don't think it has passed. You're welcome. :)

That was like reading the story about my mother who, at the age of 16-17, was a very talented singer. And guess what, my grandparents told her that artists never have money and that they are always miserable; so basically, they pushed her to study accounting. Ever since she has been miserable for not pursuing her dream to become a singer.

Later on, my mother advised me to study Economics for the very same reasons - stability and plenty of job opportunities. Little did she know that this stable world was about to change. After I wasted more than 10 years studying stupid things, I started rediscovering my artistic side.

I hear ya. This gal did pre-law. 🙄 I thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that I bailed before completing a law degree. I still wasted plenty of time but I’m not sure I could live with myself if I had become a lawyer. I had a huge issue with the “ethics” of law.

Thank Jesus you didn't become a lawyer! We wouldn't have had such a prominent Steemian if you did :)

I like you post beatiful very good i like this

Never underestimate yourself. If you are unhappy with your life, fix what's wrong, and keep stepping, I like story..

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