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in #story7 years ago (edited)

The text that never sent

Merry Christmas to my friends in the East. Merry day after Christmas to my friends in the west. This is my entry to Constrained Writing Contest #11 + Winners of Constrained Writing Contest #10.

If you haven't participated in a contest before, I would recommend entering this one. I had my friends in the Writers' Block review my story. Before that, my beloved friend @lenadr checked for spelling and grammar error in the Minnow Support Project.

Let me know what you think of my story.

Pink Text December 24
Hey babe, I can't make it out tonight. The most brutal accident happened right in front of me. I'm okay now, but the car in front crashed into a wall. Not sure how that could have happened. Their turn signal was on. They started making the turn slowly and before I knew it, bang, right into the wall.

Blue Text December 24, 7:00pm
Hon, are you okay? Your mom called saying you've been in an accident. Your last text was about an hour ago stating you were coming over. Where are you?! Call me back when you see this.

Pink Text December 24
Babe, why aren't you answering? I've been trying to reach you for a while now. The car accident from about an hour ago is blocking traffic. The ambulance is here now. The poor driver might not make it. It looks like they hit their head pretty hard, I think I can see blood, it’s so gross and scary. Can you come here please, I am really scared and don’t know what to do.

Blue Text December 24, 7:30pm
Hon, I am on my way. Not sure if you can see this message, but let me know if you are okay. I should be there by the time you wake up.

Pink Text December 24
I wish you were here. I'm so overwhelmed with this whole situation. I'm going to wait in my car. Oh wait, I am in my car. No, now I'm moving. So many people around. Everything is starting to spin. Am I spinning? Oh Lord, is that my car? I think someone else smashed it. Couldn't have been me. Why can't I move? Oh! Here comes help, everything is fine. Looks like I'll be late. I'm getting so sleepy. I might just close my eyes for a moment until you arrive.

Blue Text ( December 24, One Year later )
I know you can't read this, and can’t reply, but know that I love you. I miss you every day.

The end

2017-09-09 10.36.11.jpg

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Hey @Kubby you Brazilian sexy beast :D

I like it! Wish you good luck in the contest, hope you rock it!
See you around.
Cheers! Upvoted!

bahaha, when I first read your comment I was shocked because i thought you were a family friend that calls me that. You are hilarious, we were ment to be friends, and I am grateful you are here!

You are far too kind Kubby <3 Cheers!

Nice job! Great story, and fits the contest rules perfectly! Good luck in the contest!

Thanks Neg, couldn't have polished it up without you. Here's your other eye. You've earned it back.

Always interesting seeing how technology can both advance and hinder our lives as well. A certain respect has to be found somewhere in the middle.

Most pondering is your choice in using pink or blue message. Really bring it into today’s culture. I wonder how it would played to the audience if they where in pink or red color/background.

Reminds me of some friends that I have. Where they still send messages to social accounts of people they have lost even years later.

Thanks for sharing hope you had a great Christmas.

What do you mean by asking, what if the colors were different? Instead of using pink/blue I used pink/red, do you think it would add or take away from the story? To be honest, I used pink because I might really like that color. Blue, seemed to be a lovely compliment to my pink.

With it being used a name to differentiate between the two I was wondering if it had more meaning to the story then just your personal preferences to it.

With blue being something like “feeling blue” or “getting the blues.” Imagen if it was Grey text both in sense of it not being sent and the feeling to the color. It could be symbolic as going gray aka fading out if it even changed at the end with the other response staying the same color.

Might be a fun element to think about and even play around with the next time you have the opportunity to add an extra layer of complexity and depth.

I see where you are going with it. Maybe you could take the story to the next level with your idea.

Oh man what a rollercoaster! I thought it was just bad signal or something at first; but as I kept on reading it started to make sense what really happened. And when I had read:

December 24, One Year later

I cried internally a little.
What? Every man cries once in a while, even if only on the inside.

Thank you very much for your entry! I very much enjoyed the read! :D

Quick edit: I noticed some minor grammar mistakes (more like typos, really). in case you'd like for me to point out the ones I spotted , let me know ^^

Yes let me know and I’ll make some edits. I didn’t have my final draft edited, so please let me know. Also, I’m glad you enjoyed and cried a little.

The most brutal accident happened right in front of me.
The car accident from about an an hour ago is blocking traffic. - minus one an
(December 24, One Year later ) - either a space between ( and december also, or no space between later and )
I know you can't read this,and can’t reply, but know that I love you. - just missing a space after the comma

I think that's all I got with the second read :P As said, merely typos.

Details matter, thank you!

Never a problem! I enjoyed the first read, and the second :P
Thank you for taking the time to participate in the contest ^^

Thank you for hosting

Somehow this hits home.
Pun not intended.

Really globo? I'm sorry for your loss. Accept a virtual hug and a word of encouragement from your prayer sister. There is a season for all moments in our lives, but be encouraged that all work for the good and glory of our savior.

Oh Kubbs - long time ago. It's written so well! It is well.

Nice job. I felt it. Merry xmas

Merry Christmas, thank you for stopping by. I didn't think so many people would feel the emotion I had hopped for.

I only saw that coming because I have spent a period of time some time ago reading way too many of these things XD

I think your story was well written and kinda heartstring tuggy, though I'm not sure how the person was texting if they couldn't move (perhaps they were wondering the same thing kind of vaguely? XD). Good show XD

How did you go in the contest? Or is it still going?

goatsig

You say it coming, I thought most people would too. Nothing gets passed you, i think it was of the blessings of having kids. It was intended to read like the text was sent, but it wasn't, but in her mind it was. This contest is still ongoing. Unless you are referring to another, are you?

The one that you wrote this for :) I've read a lot of creepypastas and text message style stories so am familiar with a lot of plot twists and things. Doesn't stop me enjoying them though ;D

Yes I meant the contest you wrote this for/entered this one in, I've missed a few days (and a lot more posts! XD)

goatsig

What a story! Good luck :-)

😭😭😭😭😭

Christmas is about spending time with family and friends. It’s about creating happy memories that will last a lifetime. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Merry christmas to you too. hope you are enjoying it with your family!

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