'New Rain' - Steemit Story Chain #16 Where You Write the Story and 100 Whaleshares for the Winner

in #story7 years ago

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Welcome to the Steemit Story Chain

A very good afternoon to all of you Steemers and I hope you're enjoying the Christmas holidays. It's time for another Steemit Story Chain where I ask you to complete a story that I will start, and this week's one is entitled New Rain. There are 100 Whaleshares for the Steemer who writes the most compelling and original part of the story.

I want to say a massive thank you to all those who contributed to the last story chain, particularly @clove71, @dq7513, @aaqib11b, @cryptogrind, @attempted-yogi and @lucyridingmoosey. You all made some very interesting additions to the story and it was great to see so much originality and creativity in your story telling. After a lengthy discussion with my co-judge, @nikflossus, a winner has been decided.

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@dq7513

You wrote a very imaginative piece incorporating a number of layers into the narrative, and it was nicely delivered. You have won 100 Whaleshares. Please reply with your Bitshares account information and I will send the Whaleshares to your account immediately. Enjoy! If you don't have an account don't worry it's very simple and completely free to set one up here - https://bitshares.openledger.info/?r=akrid-1.

A reminder of the winning entry is featured below.

Entry #5

The detective paced back and forth in front me. The cold steel of the handcuffs against my skin made the hairs stand on my purple, blood-deprived wrists.
"What were you doing in that shack, Mister?" he asked.
"My wife, Nancy, and I were doing our business in there." I replied.
"What do you mean by business?"
"You know, business."
"If by 'business' you mean injecting the substance that left the residue on those burnt spoons and empty syringes into your veins, then I understand," he stated in a snarky tone.
"We- We don't like to do it in front of the children. Is sheltering your children a crime, sir?" I knew that I was out of line, but the poison had already worked its way out of my system and I was fiending for more.
"Let me be the one to ask the questions around here. Speaking of your kids, where are they now?"
"Tommy, our oldest, is at football practice. We just dropped him off a few hours ago. Claire went to a friend's house after school, and little Suzy is at home with my mother-in-law," I answered.
"Is that so?"
This guy was really starting to tick me off. "Yes, that's so! What are you trying to get at, pig?" I spat.
"After running your names into the system, our department was contacted by the Department of Child Services. It seems they've been looking for you and your wife." His stern expression grew harsher with each word. "Tommy's coach stuck around for two hours after practice with him, waiting for you two to show up. Claire's friend's parents, too. Luckily, each of them were nice enough to let your kids sleep at there houses. That was three days ago."
"No. No. I- I-" the words stuck in my throat. "I don't believe you!" I finally managed to shout. "My mother-in-law plays Bingo every Tuesday. Believe me, she would've called us to come home." I knew my words were the truth, Ma would never miss a shot at the twenty-five dollar jackpot at Bingo.
"We got in contact with her. She said she went by shortly after you guys asked her to babysit Suzy. She said when she got there the lights were out and the doors were locked. She assumed you guys grew impatient and took Suzy with you to drop Tommy off at practice and go 'grocery shopping', so she went home."
"What are you saying? Where is my baby?! Where's Suzy?!" Dread filled my body. I prayed to any God that would listen to let my fears be false.
His eyes fell for a moment, then rose again, meeting my own with a look of both pity and disgust. "Little Suzy wasn't so lucky. We broke and entered into your home. Upon search of the premises we found a locked door. After kicking in that door is when we made the discovery of a toddler, aged two to three, severly underweight, completely malnourished and barely breathing. Officers took turns administering CPR until paramedics arrived, at which point the toddler was transported to the local hospital."
"Well what the hell are we doing here?!" I could feel my blood boiling.
"She was pronounced deceased shorlty after noon yesterday," he whispered.
I couldn't believe my ears. "What? No!"
"That's right, your little girl is dead, Mister." He slammed his fists down on the table in front of me. "And so are you."


Now let's move on to the new story chain which is called New Rain. If you want to enter the contest please ensure you upvote and resteem this post. I have written the first part of the story which is detailed below. You must then develop the story in whatever way you want by using the comment box and writing one part of the story chain. Be ambitious, creative and original. And make sure you have fun with it. You only need to write a short paragraph or two, and don't forget to number the part of the story you are writing.

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This contest is sponsored by Whaleshares and I owe a big thank you to @akrid and @officialfuzzy. There are 100 Whaleshares for the winning entry. If you would like to learn more about Whaleshares and how they can increase your post rewards please visit https://steemit.com/whaleshares/@eirik/guide-on-how-to-use-whaleshares-updated-version where @eirik will gladly explain more to you.

The very talented @nikflossus will be helping me decide which one of your contributions is worthy of the winning prize. We are looking for:

  • A strong sense of imagination
  • Creative intelligence
  • Originality
  • Narrative fluidity (ensuring the story chain links smoothly)
  • Use of language, grammar and syntax (we need to understand what you're saying!)

The winner will be announced in a week's time. A new post will be published then announcing the winner along with a new story chain.

Part One of New Rain

'What's going on? What happened? Where am I? How did I get here?', a plethora of questions were the first words I remember saying to myself. I was in a total state of confusion. I had no idea how I got here or where I was. I was scared. I couldn't remember much and not just about that evening. I assumed I had some sort of amnesia. I didn't recognise the town I was in. And then I looked at the car I had just stepped out of. It was old. I wouldn't drive something like that. The posters in the shops had offers of very cheap products, far too cheap. In fact they advertised products that didn't exist anymore. Everything seemed old. This was a different era. 'What was I doing here? How could this have happened?', I questioned further. But the more I questioned the more concerned and puzzled I became. It was raining heavily and in that rain was some comfort, it was the only thing I knew to be real in that moment.

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2

The cast went out to a celebratory dinner. A popular mainstream song was playing in the background. Just then, the music changed to an oldies song and my thoughts drifted to the town in my vision. I would have chalked it up to being a waking vision or dream of some sorts, but I felt the rain. I felt the cold as it seeped onto my skin. Even now I could still smell the fresh, earthy scent of rain. Snapshots of the town played in my memories. The paved streets and ancient car beside me reminded me of the 1900s era. The posters in the shop had women in fancy hats and gowns advertising anything from skin cream to healing tonics. All were of brands I’ve never heard of before and all were priced in the cents. When did anything cost 25 cents nowadays?

Images and images twirled in my mind. I remember standing by my car. At least, I think it was my car. I’ve never seen it before but somehow I knew it belonged to me. The rain was unexpected and had caught me by surprise. I remember staring around in amazement when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and was shocked to see my own eyes starting back at me.

No. Those eyes belonged to someone else. Her eyes were a soft cornflower blue. They were a shade lighter than my own eye color. She too was wearing a hat and gown, just like the posters in the storefront windows. I realized then that she was holding something out to me. It was an umbrella. “Excuse me” she said. “I couldn’t help but notice that….” Just then, I was drawn back to reality.

“A toast to the best performer of the night” the director lifted his glass ceremoniously. The woman from the vision faded away. Her voice, beautiful and melodious, was lost in my thoughts as cheers erupted around the table. I was in the now again.

Hey @butterb, thank you for your entry to the story chain, the winner has just been announced and a new story chain has begun - https://steemit.com/story/@freedomexists/was-she-there-steemit-story-chain-16-where-you-write-the-story-and-100-whaleshares-for-the-winner

I ran into a coffee shop. It was so classical. People were staring at me as I was an alien. I sat in the corner sit where people wouldn't stare at me. My brain was running so fast, I felt like it would crash.
"Do you know where as I ? " I asked the waiter who was there to take my order. He stared from my top to my feet with weird expression. " Sir, you are in New York." he said pointing out the World Trade Centre.
" Would you mind if I ask you what day is today?". " Its September, 11th September , sir." " Which year?" with his irritated voice " 2001"
"I was supposed to be in 2025?" " How I'm her?" " Why am I here?"
I was feeling cold.
Bang
I saw a black smoke coming out of the World Trade Center.

The fog of uncertainty lingered for a moment as objects around me begun to come into focus. With a sudden series of flashes and then a sudden dimming of the room, I heard a voice yelling something out. The sound was muffled and distant, but felt close to me.

"Cut!" someone was yelling. There was some commotion about me and then I heard the the words " That's a wrap".

A hand touched my shoulder, and I heard my name. Immediately everything snapped into place and became clear to me. My racing heart settled back into my chest and the anxiety began to recede. I knew where I was. I knew what was happening, but my heart sank with the dreaded realization that it was happening again. I had hoped it was just a one time thing - a fluke. Now, I as look around the room, I wonder if anyone noticed. These blackout spells are coming more frequently and it's getting harder to hide them. Being on a movie set helps a little, where people are used to being some else for a while - I could always act like I was thinking about a part or forgot my line - but that could only take me so far. It was only a matter of time before this happens right in spot light - literally

Just then , I started to hear a thunderous roar getting louder - I look around to see what is happening and to my complete surprise - surrounding me is the entire cast - all staring at me - CLAPPING - thunderous , enthusiastic clapping. Cheering and whistling accompanied the fanfare and I stood in shock as the applause continued.

I noticed now that the hand on my shoulder was the the director - he placed his free hand on my other shoulder and looked me on the eyes.

" That was an amazing performance! " His face lit up, with a genuine smile - the kind you see when you give a pretty waitress a tip. With flashing eyes, he said " Were did that come from? You really nailed it - look , I have tears in my eyes!"

I was overwhelmed - I had no idea what he was talking about - the last thing I remembered was standing off the side of the stage getting into character - then awakening from a blackout. I needed a drink....

Hey @jorlauski, thank you for your entry to the story chain, the winner has just been announced and a new story chain has begun - https://steemit.com/story/@freedomexists/was-she-there-steemit-story-chain-16-where-you-write-the-story-and-100-whaleshares-for-the-winner

Thank you very much. My Bitshare account is dq7513

Wow, @dq7513, impressive entry! In just a short few paragraphs, you were able to flush out a character that, as a reader, I had compassion for yet despised.

Thank you very much. I am an aspiring screenwriter and I try my best to create good characters, but feel as though it is one of my weakest elements as a writer, sp your comment gives me confidence that my writing has improved over the last five years. Thank you.

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