My entry to the Steemit Winter's Collective Play (Under the Category: The Billion Dollar Secret )

in #steemitwcp6 years ago (edited)

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"ALPHA"

“Alpha going back to life in three…two…one…”And in one snap, I woke up. It always ends up this way. Every single day as if it is part of my daily routine. Me lying still, motionless, looking lifeless, my eyes fixed in my dirty white painted ceiling. I’m in my room, in the bed lying as if a patient in the hospital. I probably look like a doll. I can see them, hear them, the men in a white lab coat but I can’t seem to move my body.

Every day, just after drifting to sleep, these men appear with medical equipments and stacks of paper for recording. Their purpose? To inject a colored serum into my arm. Sometimes, it is colored red, like blood, but often blue. My body feels numb hence, the pain from injecting doesn’t hurt. I learned about this ever since I was seven years old. “Project Utopia” that’s what I heard from their conversations. A project designed by the government that aims to bring back peace in the world by eliminating the feeling of anger, displeasure and any possible human emotion that would cause war or any threat that could destroy the world. They get their formula in this small beeping machine they carry all the time which lies on my wooden table. The machine has multiple colored buttons. Each one having different function than the rest.

They treat me as if I’m an object in an experiment, recording information and gathering data on how my body reacts, my emotion of the day and other necessary details. What they do not know is I’ve been conscious all the time. The thought scared me. But eventually, I got used to it. There’s nothing left to do but to pretend to be lifeless, to put on a show- the only way I know to stay alive.

Another night, this time I decided to turn things around. “Alpha going back in three two..”
“No!” just when he was about to finish counting, I exclaimed. I don’t know if what I did was right or wrong but I know this has to end. The man standing in front of me looked horrified. His eyes went wide. Upon realizing, I am conscious ,he reached out for a syringe and the next thing I knew I was awake.

The next day, I don’t want to sleep anymore. The thought of everything not being real frightens me. My mom prepared a French toast and my dad went to work after talking about the baseball game yesterday. We went through the same old routine. The day seems normal other than my encounter last night which I didn’t bother to talk about to other people even my parents for I know they’ll think I’m crazy.

I arrived quite early for my class. I reached out to my locker to get some of my books and as I opened it, I was taken aback. There it is, lying on my pile of books, an unfamiliar paper folded in half. I looked from left to right and examined the corridor. Who could have put this in here? Only I have the key to my locker. Puzzled, I reached out for the paper which I’m certain has been torn from a notebook of some sort. I opened it and freaked out as I read the following words: “None of this is real.”

The bell rang and I went to class. Quickly, I hid the note in my backpack. Countless thoughts came flashing to my mind. I can’t even focus on something. I know what I have to do-tell my family about it. The day went by and after class, I rushed back home.

Mom was there sitting by the couch in the living room, and dad was there too reading his favorite book. “Oh you’re early! ”,my mom greeted me. Without hesitation I spoke up, “Mom, I know this sounds weird but I think something is wrong, this isn’t real. None of this is real! Utopia, world, this is all fake!” My immensely loud voice echoed through the living room. My mom looked stunned and can’t seem to process what I just said. My dad looked at my mom, nodded and reached out for the phone and his next words brought chills to my spine. “Code red for Alpha.” And that’s when I knew I had to run.

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This was a good read, @reewritesthings I love the way the story kept building up in intense drama the more I read. One thing I will share, be mindful of your sentence structure, the tense when to make words plural and also your punctuation. If you would ever like more help with this let me know.

thank you so much @rensoul17! This is my first time writing a short story, also english is not my first language that's why I commit some errors. Thank you, I'll surely ask you some questions.

Really enjoyed this storyline @reewritesthings.
For English not being your native tongue, this is great work!
I couldn't imagine trying to write in a foreign language (Although I can speak a couple, there is no way I could do creative writing like that!)
Respect!

Right there with you.

I speak a little of several languages, but if I tried creative writing in any of them, the results would either be really irritating - or outright hilarious - for native speakers. ;-)

haha! So true right... either really irritating or outright hilarious! That about sums it up for us both it seems.

Thank you so much @thecreativerebel! I have also read your entry and I was amazed by your work. Yes, it's really difficult but practice makes one better that's why I always join contests here in steemit to improve my vocabulary and grammar. Thanks for dropping by!

Thank you for your kind words. :) Indeed practice and more practice... writing for the love of it.
Nice to meet you and looking forward to reading more of your creations. :)

You too! Feel free to give feed backs and comments if you want to. :)

Nicely done, @reewritesthings!

My suggestions are the same as those of @rensoul17, with the addition that a new paragraph should begin every time the action changes.

This also makes your work a faster read, which will help the flow of your story, and make it more enjoyable for the reader.

Steem on, and keep on writing! Great work.

Thank you so much @crescendoofpeace. Thank you for your suggestion, I will follow it next time.

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