Help! I have teens that have started dating

in steemitmamas •  4 months ago

And just like that they began to grow up and start dating.... Take me back to when parenting worries were spilled sippy cups, nappy explosions and if they needed a nap!

I remember what I was doing at 15 and 14, I shudder! How did we get here already?

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I don't think I am ready or prepared for this.

I envisioned I would be this "cool" mum, not at all even the slightest bit embarrassing for my children. My children's friends would sing the praises of my awesomeness. I would be in touch with their generation and never, ever utter "Well, when I was your age".

The reality isn't exactly what I envisioned....

Turns out, I am not that "cool mom"! I feel creeped out while there is something other than my kidlets stuffed toys sitting on their bed. I cannot help it! I get all weird don't know where to look, start acting strange and become this completely different person.
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Yesterday, my son brought over his friend, I could not even make eye contact with the boy once I realized what was actually going on......the boy was into my daughter and she was acting pretty smitten too. This was a set-up!

Now, we have the talking and communication part down with the kids. Our children talk openly and as honestly us. I will never forget the day when my son came beaming through the door declaring with a huge smiling from ear to ear saying "kissing is way harder than I thought it would be but AWESOME!".
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Even at 14, he still needed reminding to brush his teeth daily, but he was ready to stick his tongue in another persons mouth? I felt confused.

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I keep my resting face on. I wasn't sure how I was meant to respond. Was I supposed to give him a high five and celebrate?

He sat eagerly detailing his first "real kiss" as I began to straighten up on the couch. Here we go, I thought. I'm not sure I am ready for this.

I felt comfort and pride my son came home and was so brutally honest with us and keeping us involved in his world. But now that dark shadow of fear sweeps over me.....after all, I remember what I was up to when "I was his age". But I wasn't walking around with a loaded weapon in my pants!
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And then it happened.....my 14 year-old daughter got hit with the "love bug", and he is my sons mate. Making matters even worse he has a motorbike too. Now, don't get me wrong, my son rides his own motorcycle here in Cambodia. It is quite common... .I was actually hoping that would be a deterrent for any girls parents allowing their daughters to date my son and the with costs of maintaining a vehicle he wouldn't be able to afford or have time to be interested in girls..... FAIL! lol.

I certainly don't like the idea of my baby girl hanging onto some teenage boy on the back of his motorcycle. and she won't be allowed to ride with him, helmet or not!

Yep, not the "cool" mum again...

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Now call me what you may, but the fears of my son running around with his weapon are nothing compared with the feeling of knowing your daughter wants to spend time with a young boy who is also armed and dangerous.

Now I need to start looking at what artillery I need....

When should I have "the talk" about birth control? Do I wait until I think a relationship looks serious? If we were to look at taking the pill, for example, am I giving her an open pass to go for it? Do I whack a pkt of condoms and throw them in my sons wallet? Oh man, How did the years fly so quickly, how the heck we are here already?
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My mother spent most of my childhood drumming into my head about the struggles of teen pregnancy. Not in just parenting a little human and obstacles and challenges you face, but also the way you are judged and feel hurt by an opinionated community.

She spoke truthfully from her heart her ambitions for me, she understood the journey too well having fallen pregnant with me herself at 14 years-old. Maybe this just adds to the anxiety I feel as my gorgeous daughter flips her hair and acts differently around her brothers' friends. I understand teen pregnancy and being raised by teens, I am the product of it.
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The fear is real! Why can't they just be babies again?

I had read the date my son/daughter memes and giggled at them, but now this is life, I want to print it out and frame it and put it in the entry of our home. Too much lol? I'm thinking if I just display it everyone knows where they stand from day one.
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As I stand here knee high in the depths of teenage love, I don't like it and have no idea what I am doing.

All I do know is that all love all 5 of my gorgeous children with every inch of my heart. How did we even get here already? It was only yesterday I was cradling them in my arms dreaming of our futures.

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Proud mum and member of the @Steemitmamas discord group. The coolest hangout for Steemitmama's! #steemitmamas connects all mamas from across the globe.

Find me with the same username @mumma-monza in the discord group.

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(Source http://www.gun-shots.net/yes-i-do-have-a-beautiful-daughter-i-also-have-a-gun-a-shovel-and-an-alibi.shtml)
Just incase anything happens to your son.... This quote wasn't mine😉

Disclaimer: I am not a parent. So everything I say from here on out is probably bullshit.

My oldest step daughter got on the pill at a relatively young age as she was the product of a teen pregnancy and her mom knew the struggles well. Syd asked me to sit in on the discussion the night the decision was made. I thought she wanted moral support. Silly me. She talked for about 2 minutes and said "Tom. What do you have to say?" I honestly don't remember where it all went but I started with "This is not a permit to pull your pants down. This is about protection and care and you'll do well to remember that..." It led to a pretty full and frank discussion among the three of us, and the daughter remembers it to this day (She'll be 50 in November).

With your son, I have no idea. At that age boys really only want two things and when it's time they have no conception or memory of the second. I think I was wired so tight at that age that I didn't blink until a girl drug me over the front seat of her parents '58 chev. Just sayin'

I think maybe you are being a bit too harsh on the motorcycle thing, though at that age the girls that hopped on mine knew they were risking the wrath of their parents. But I'm telling you, they hopped on when the opportunity presented itself.

Great post. And congratulations again on the Currie. You earned it.

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You are a parent <3not by birth certificate but by love and support the fact that you stepped up for such an important conversation and took the lead, although you didn't expect it, is commendable.
Gah, the Chevy story lol. Now I am more nervous as my own memories continue to come back lol.
Thank you for your kind words sweetheart <3

This is a very entertaining read. I enjoyed reading your anxiety over your teens. At the end of the day, they are going to do what they want. As long as they're being safe, that's probably the best you can hope for.

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Thanks @choogirl, glad you got a giggle. You're right, I just have to keep faith like @ijmmai has said. Wish me luck, I still have to face this at least 3 more times lol.

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If history is any guide, you won't even care by the last one. I'm the oldest of 4 and a girl, so I got screwed over massively. By the time my youngest brother came through, he could pretty much do what he wanted. I still harbour some resentment about this.

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Hahahaha, my eldest to already say this.... I must keep this in mind lol.

I really like your writing style <3 I am so glad I don't have to deal with this just yet hehe.. mine is still in diapers ;)

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Enjoy every second of them being small <3 you blink and they are mini adults :( Thank you so much for your kind words, @anouk.nox.

Hi mumma-monza,

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I keep rubbing my eyes to check if this really happened!!! I woke up and it is still there! What a privilege, thank you so, so much <3 Words can not describe the elation I feel. Thank you <3

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Such a beautiful post. Very well deserved.

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Thank you @johnskotts <3 you are a sweetheart!

haha this is funny, but it's totally serious too :) My boys are now 20 and 23 and I feel your pain 100%. The first time I found bunched up crunchy socks under my son's bed, I taught him to do his own laundry lol

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GAH!!!! This is hilarious lol.....I thought it was the kids that were meant to feel awkward not the parents lol. My son does his own laundry now too ;) lol Please tell me it all changes when they are in their twenties lol.

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It totally changes when they're in their 20's @mumma-monza; at least for me it did because they are both out on their own now. Mine are as open with me as yours are with you, so now it's extra great because, although I do miss them, I don't see the day to day "activity" right under my nose haha

Oh my guacamowley. Mama...keep them babies.

Hands covering my eyes on the hair flipping. Waaaahhh I cannot comment properly on this. It's just too much.

Btw, my husband said, baby girl can't date until he's dead. I agree.

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Having teenagers is just too much too!! lol. Thank you for your support gorgeous #steemitmamas <3

The older they get, the scarier the world becomes. Let's face it, we trust our kids, but what about the others :)

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You totally get it @ijmmai. 5b8bb193-be92-43af-8542-64710654691b-5c11957b-cb69-432a-9bff-9d76967bd0b3-v1.png

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One of mine is backpacking in Australia sincd March 2017... you learn to trust and have faith, but still.

LOL! The list of rules at the end had me in stitches!

My oldest is only 7, but I'm dreading this time... I only hope we will have brought her up to be able to respect and stand up for herself!

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I bet you have @bengy <3

Thanks for an honest, open, "real" post.

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Thank you beautiful <3

I’m 41. My son is 22. My husband and I still worry about EVERYTHING. Lol
As a parent it never ends ☺️

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Oh man! I was hoping this moment would pass and it would be smooth sailing lol. Your right, we never stop worrying about the people we love so much <3

Oh wow, I really really love how honest this post is, you really are a great mom @mumma-monza!! Don't worry too much about this, there are still some things you cannot control and let it flow naturally, under your supervision of course!! Haha

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Thank you for your warm words @joelai, I try my best. <3

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You are very welcome @mumma-monza. Cheers!

I can't imagine mine reach that stage and start dating too. I may have anxiety and panic attack. Lol...

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Start preparing now @iamjadeline lol, it just hits you smack out of nowhere lol. Don't worry the #steemitmamas and I are all here to support you when you get there lol xoxox

Hahaha this is quite hilarious especially with all of your bitmoji's in but I sure am glad to learn some parenting from you. I love how open minded you are and how he feels safe to be totally honest with you. This post is so curie worthy. Probably they too are entertained by it and also find it relevant too. Thank you and hugs for all the teenage challenges ahead @mumma-monza. Am sure you will sail through it with @philippekiene like champs! Then soon you realize they are getting married :P okay that's probably me 'teasing' you. Not that soon. ALWAYS love your real post where you are brutally honest :)

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Thank you for your love @happycrazycon <3 and your beautiful words of encouragement. Didn't I tell you my kids are never leaving home or getting married lol

My son is thirteen and as silent as a grave. I'd find it interesting if he told me how his first kiss turns out. I believe, however, that I would be the wrong address and that the father, an elderly man or uncle who is considered wise, is actually taking up this communication. My son finds me embarrassing in public when I show impulses of youthful verve or joke. He doesn't want his parents to be cool or others to get to the level of young people or to act that way. I think he's right. Instead of wanting to be like our teenagers, our teenage children should strive for maturity and get rid of their coolness at some point. That this will happen during puberty and well into the twenties is rather unusual, and one might be a little sceptical about that when the distinction between parents and children is as little or a young person is already as reasonable as one would like him to be.

Young people lack life experience and they will all become stupid at some point. It is not a question of "if" but only "when". Threats of rule violations therefore remain quite ineffective, even if rules are actually important.

I think it's funny that you realize that contrary to your ideal idea you're not the cool mum and instead you just have classic parental worries.

Trust is probably the only "weapon" we have as parents.
I wish you all the best on this exciting journey and take my hat off to your fivefold motherhood!

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Wow, I loved reading this. You're spot on, trust is our only real weapon. Thank you so much for sharing your views with me and your well wishes for the journey ahead, I cannot believe I have to do this 3 more times lol.

Oh gosh, mine is still in diapers and I'm already having this 'panic attack'. Totally not ready to imagine my boy 10 years later. God help me.

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Hopefully, scientists will discover a way to keep them babies soon, and then you will never have to worry about it. Until then I will keep you in my thoughts lol

😱
My daughter is 12, and still thinks it’s all gross. But, y’know, High School.... it’s going to happen eventually.

Looking for any suggestions to invoke the fear of God into boys. I’m thinking a Batman costume... 😈

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My daughter was the same and one day BOOM.... I like your thinking! A batman costume sounds like something my husband @philippekiene would totally do lol. Good luck to you with the road ahead <3

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I just keep remembering that immortal line, “criminals are superstitious and cowardly lot”... perhaps pubescent boys are the same?! 🤣😉

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We will let you know lmao

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GAH, this is so exciting! Thank you so much <3 <3

Love this! Especially your graphics, they really make the post entertaining. I have a 6yr old son and 9 month old daughter, so hopefully he will make sure any suitors are scared off when she hits her teenage years haha!

that list is just wow :)

My oldest is 14 too, but doesnt have a girlfriend or anything yet... I feel your pain. What to do?!
Its good though, that he feels comfortable enough to come up and talk with you about it. I would say definitely respond honestly and positively, and keep those lines of communication open!!

Geez! Here I thought parenting toddlers is already hard... 😨😨

My eldest is 9 and I don't knos if I'll ever be ready for this. 😢😢😢

This post totally rocked and made it even more scary thinking about my babies becoming teens!! 😳 Yikes you’ve got a lot going on Mama but I hope your kids continue to come to you to talk openly. That’s always been my thing...I want my kids to be able to talk to me about anything. Now I just have to make sure I am capable of listening lol...yikes!! Loved the posts with the funny bitmojis!! 😄

I hope the years go by slowwwwwwly so I won’t have to deal with this lol!

Not sure if you're wanting ideas/advice, etc., but maybe I'll just offer some food for thought.

As painful or as TMI as it might be, it's better, perhaps without every detail, for them to tell you what's going on rather than not. So, hold onto that. When things get quiet and start happening without your knowledge, that can spell trouble.

You've already noticed that the influence you have (even as open as they are) is shorter since they've been at school most of the day or finding things to do with friends. That means the time you do spend with them has to be enough to sustain them when they're not with you, if you have any concerns of where things may be heading with dating and beyond.

I have two boys. Neither of them were supposed to date before they were 16, but the oldest one broke that rule freshman year, basically, and kept doing it all through high school. He did, however, manage to treat the girls as a gentleman (though I'm sure I haven't heard everything about this period yet).

The trick is always trust vs. limits. I was willing to have limits on the little things to prevent the big things from happening. My wife would have preferred a wider trust and fewer limits. I think somewhere in between is probably the right place.

The old dilemma of being cool mom or best friend, versus your own mother I suppose will be eternal. As cool as you would love to be, as much of a friend as you want to be, you're still mom. They can (and I imagine they already do) love and respect you as such. I would not let them think through silence or listening without letting your feelings known that you are okay with how things are progressing if you're not. Especially if you're sure of what you want to happen (or not).

There it is, for what's it's worth. :)