Steemitmamas Parent Contest - Week 3
This is my participation for the Parent Contest Week 3 hosted by @steemitmamas!
What Would I Change About My Parenting
I have read all of the entries for this week and I can relate to each one of them. A lot of us parents struggle with some of the same things. It is really healthy for us to evaluate and critique our parenting so that we can work on improving those things and strive to be better.
There are two major things that I need to work on that stems from the same things. When our first daughter was born I was really excited! I got to dress her in the cutest clothes, put ribbons and bows in her hair and pick out the cutest shoes to match each outfit. I had the girliest time ever and my daughter and I were so close. She practically got anything she wanted and our entire family spoiled her because she was our only child.
At first we wanted a boy so he could protect his baby sister but it didn’t work out that way. We had three boys following our daughter and finally another girl came last. We are happy that our daughter came first because she is such a big help. My sons are somewhat lazy right now and hesitate to help or rarely volunteer to on their own. Although they are slowly getting better at it, my daughter (age 8) is the go to person for help when we need it. This usually consists of getting the baby a bottle, holding her while we run to get something from another room, grabbing something from up or downstairs, helping set the table, assisting in bath time for the little ones, helping her siblings brush their teeth, fixing bowls of oatmeal (she’s quite the gal and loves knowing how to do these things on her own). For those of you that have read about her art sales, you already know a little about her :)
The Problem
Since my daughter comprehends so well and is very understanding and responsible for her age, I tend to not give my sons (age 5 & 7) a chance to prove to me they too can be the same way. My husband suggests that I give them more responsibility and call on them for help more so that they can learn to be of good assistance. It’s just so easy and convenient calling on my daughter because:
1 . I don’t have to explain things in detail, she just gets it.
2 . She doesn’t murmur under her breath or complain that I am asking for help.
3 . She usually gets the job done right.
4 . She’s the only one I trust to handle the baby (8 months old) when I’m away for a second. She knows how to hold her right and walk with her properly.
I know that if I call on my sons I might here some lazy complaints...
I’m too tired, you always ask me, I don’t know how, what do you mean? 🙄
I also don’t feel like repeating myself over and over again to explain to them about what I need.
I know that in order for my sons to learn too, I have to let them practice and have more chances to prove their comprehension and capabilities.
The Other Issue
I don’t mean to do this but I do...I tend to play favoritism. I know some people say you need to focus on being parents to your children before being their friend but it matters to me how they feel about me. My kids love me because I’m their mother and take care of them. I also want them to like being around me and think I’m fun and funny and pleasant to be around. When they talk about me to their friends I want them to be proud and happy that I’m their mom.
With that said I tend to care more about what my daughter feels than I do any of my other children. Maybe it’s because we’ve had a special bond since the beginning or because it’s easier to relate to her because she’s a girl and because we like the same things like crafts and girly stuff. I tend to let her get her way just so she will be happy and not upset with me. Even when I know my sons are right about something and she’s not, I’ll go around it and try to make them and her happy. I know it’s not right and I shouldn’t. I also know this is setting her up for failure in the real world because we don’t always get our way.
The other part of it is I need to spend more time relating to my sons. Sure they like LEGO’s, trucks, video games and all that boy stuff but I need to learn how to be more attentive and listen to them when they are explaining things to me. They want me to watch them do their boy thing more and get as excited as I do when my daughter sews. I am determined to do this more. I have even been taking them on errands with me more so that we can spend time together without my daughter around.
Whewww it feels good to say this out loud! Admitting my foibles and seeing what I need to do to change them is huge. We all have things we can improve about ourselves and there’s no need to be ashamed about them because we are all works in progress :)
Thank You for Listening
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I am not a parent yet, so I really can't know how you feel. But, reading this post I am seeing you are doing your best. And, yes, we all have things we can work on. But, the most important of all is that you are aware of the things you need to work and you are not running away from them.
But, rather, you have chosen to work on them and that is most important of all. So I am sure you will do a great job either way. But raising 5 kids is no easy job. So in my book, you are doing an amazing job already. I can see why you would mostly favorite your daughter to do some things as it will much faster than explaining everything to the boys from the beginning. But, maybe, you can "PUT THEM TO WORK" on some other chores around the house. :)
Thanks for sharing my friend, have a blessed day. :)
Thank you @awakentolife! I try to evaluate my parenting on a regular basis to see how I can improve.
Yes raising five children definitely has it’s challenges. That is a very good idea. I can start thinking of chores I know my boys could handle and then put them to work. Looks like parenting will come easy for you when it’s time :D
Thank you ~ 😊
Be blessed.
Having had four daughter si can relate to what you are saying, at time sit was so easy to rely on the older one to help with things as it was quicker and easier, but the key is realising the issue and working as you can to make changes slowly step by step
Yep that’s exactly it! It’s just easier and more convenient relying on the older one. Thanks so much, I plan to do just that...slowly step by step ;)
Thats always the best way, I hope your weekend is going well ;)
Thank you it is! I hope yours is great too!
MOst welcome and yes all good thus far :)
Is being aware of it the first step? :D
It is hard to show excitement and interest in equal portions if you have more interest in what one enjoys than the others. I think you're taking the right tactic by spending time with them individually. That way they get you exclusively for a bit without the risk of comparing the amount of attention given to the others.
I only had two girls, so it's a bit easier to balance out the attention. My eldest has always been easier to chat with, so sometimes my youngest will feel a bit left out, even though we try to include her. She is just much quieter and not as good at expressing what she's thinking. My youngest is more helpful and not as demanding.
I'll always say that they are different people and respond differently, so while I try to treat them equally I don't treat them the same.
What a wonderful answer to a tough question. I should maybe give some thought to that myself.
You’re absolutely right! Being aware is the first step. Thank you so much for your feedback. It is very hard showing equal interests in equal proportions. I think spending time with them individually has really made a difference in how they feel. They appreciate that special bonding time that is set aside just for them.
I love this:
That makes great sense and this pertains to my situation too.
Wow, 5 kids... and things that I hadn't thought about. Favouritism, that is a tricky one. We shouldn't, but it is unavoidable that we gravitate to one or the other, after all they aren't identical! But, it is a great idea to be actively aware of it and working to mitigate it!
Yep! Five! 😄
I agree, it really is unavoidable no matter how hard you try not to. Thank you so much for your feedback and encouragement :)
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Thank you!
I'm not sure if I can take on the challenge of raising 5 kids. I have 1 and I'm already struggling. I think you're fantastic.
I have 3 siblings so my mom raised 4 children and I can relate to your daughter being the head of the siblinghood. It's awkward at times but I try to train my siblings too as instructed by my mom, of course. That was her solution to the whole teacher's pet scenario at home.
I am really amazed at how moms like you deal with taking care of a lot of tiny human beings. And you opening up with the challenge you are facing, I think you are one brave momma. Your kids are lucky to have you.
Thank you so much! It’s a lot of fun, always busy but it definitely has it’s challenges.
I like that, “head of the siblinghood”! 😉
Awww thank you so much for such a sweet comment.