Don't Burn Your Bridges Unless You're Quite Certain That You Will Never Return.
There's an old saying that I'm very fond of.
Don't Burn your Bridges.
It basically means when leaving a situation, don't create such a fuss or ruckus that you can never again return.
A great example of not Burning your Bridges is to leave a relationship on good terms.
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That's a very difficult thing for me because relationships are usually extremely passionate situations that can end quite explosively.
I have a friend that constantly hooks up with his ex girlfriends because every time he breaks up, he makes sure to always leave on good terms. He might catch a girl sleeping with someone else and then break up with her.... but he will never act mad about it.
For him it means putting on an act. Ignoring how you feel emotionally because you know that you might want to have sex with this person again. That's just not how I am. It's tantamount to lying.
However, I have to hand it to him. He always has sex waiting for him just around the corner.
That's one good example of not burning your bridges but it's not an example that I advise.
Something happened at work today that made me think of another example though.
One of my friends put in his 2 weeks notice. He's a really good employee. You can always count on this guy.
However, he found another job that he likes better and decided to quit.
On his very last day he did not show up for work. I know what he was thinking.
"Why show up when I've already put in my notice?"
Now he is on some sort of a blacklist. If he ever applies for this job again he will not be hired because he's been blacklisted.
Nobody knows what's around the corner. This guy does not know if the job he applied for will actually work out.
He burned his bridge.
There are a thousand different situations where you could burn bridges.
You could get in a fight with an old friend and then end that friendship but you might miss him or her later on down the line.
You might get into an argument with a family member over something that you don't even remember and say things that you didn't really mean to say, but it's too late to take them back.
You could break up with someone that you really love and be really mean about it. You might not be able to get them to come back into your arms. You may never even see them again.
You might leave a job on bad terms and find yourself unable to return to that job. You might even find yourself blacklisted across a multitude of jobs because certain corporations communicate with each other.
Burning bridges is about the worst thing that a person can do to themselves.
Don't Burn Your Bridges Unless You're Quite Certain That You Will Never Return.
It's an interesting topic. The question of whether you should burn a bridge or not is a matter of emotional investment in my eyes.
Usually, I don't burn bridges because in most cases, there is no point in doing that. There is either no harm in me keeping certain people or situations around or having them in the back of my mind for potencial future scenarios. Also, sometimes, burning a bridge may become a stress factor.
On the other hand, I see a lot of people who should burn certain bridges because the one waiting on the other side is just unhealthy for them.
Taking the Ex GF/BF example again here because it's probably the most notorious one.
You make some very good points. It can occasionally be a good idea to burn a bridge. However, I find it better to take apart the bridge in such a way that it can be reattached later if you so need it.
"Taking apart a bridge". Doesn't role as easily of the tongue as just burning it, but It's a nice way to describe it.
that's absolutely smart strategy for life, although kinda hard, but in situation with my ex girlfriend I burned the bridge, when I found out she was cheating on me, and she always suspected that I was cheating on her, although I never did it and I never suspected her, until I accidentally caught her.
I've burned many Bridges like that. Sometimes you think yourself that it's a good idea to burn that bridge. Other times I think even though she betrayed me I still would like to hear her voice once in awhile. It might even be a mistake however with the bridge burned you can never find out.
sometimes I have desires to write her, but at the same time I know if I do it, I will fill bad and depressed from talking to her
Solid advice. I am all about trying to fix a problem between friends or whatever, but sometimes the right thing to do for both parties is to just go your separate ways. :-)
I agree. Going your separate ways is often the right answer. However you might find yourself in a situation where you want to reconnect with that person for one reason or another. It's okay to go your separate ways as long as you do not cause a huge explosion behind you.
I think the quote is relevant in most phases in life but most relevant for work, as that is where most of our time as an adult is used up. Sometimes i think its necessary to be brutally honest and unfortunately the only scenario for that can be when one leaves, specially if they have already tried highlighting issues earlier. And it may make someone feel less burderned by giving it off when leaving. But then you need to be good at what you do and your work should speak more for you than your firm.
Although that is true we have had a ton of people leave our organization and then come back later on after saying that they hope to never see us again. Fortunately we are very forgiving.... however in certain cases people have made it so that they can never return. A very unfortunate problem that they created for themselves.
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Great.
I am a believer in this philosophy. In all relationships, it is best not to create or leave enemies in your trail as you never know when you might cross paths again. I will also say though that sometimes the torch that lights your own bridge isn't by your own hand. Or if by you not intended to leave damage or cause harm. I have found that it is possible to rebuild these bridges and when done they can be stronger and better than ever before. Whether an ex-lover, ex-boss or ex-friend you have the power to fix things....most of the time. And if you do, you are stronger from it too.
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