No, I do not want that - handling protest from the child

Time and again, children go through phases in which they resist the rules and limits of their parents. The defiance phase is only the first of them. Why do our little kids sometimes tick this different than usual and how can we, as parents, deal with it appropriately?

The personality development of our children is extremely important and that means that our offspring can also train their own will. However, there are various processes in which forbearance and understanding are simply not possible. Diapers have to be changed, shoes should be put on in winter. This often leads to violent and nerve-wracking fighting. Although it remains exhausting - there are already some strategies that will make life easier for both parents and children in these phases.

Again and again …

The defiance phase is still in vivid memory for us parents. If this wild phase, in which the child is always against, is over, parents can breathe easy. At least think about it - because that's not over yet. There are always phases in which the child's ego development makes a mighty leap and stirs up resistance. Often, this happens again shortly before enrollment, and in adolescence, there are always new points of friction and power struggles. Especially in toddlers and preschool, deep discussions with the child are completely meaningless. In order to make the interaction as stress-free as possible and not to establish unsightly patterns and connections in the child, there are various strategies for dealing with the child resistance.

With five tips for a better understanding

It is not because of this that children resist to annoy their parents, but because it requires their development as an independent personality. Parents find good middle ground when using various communication tricks that make the child feel serious. This also increases the chance that there will be a "peaceful" solution to the current conflict.

• Be on par with your child - in the truest sense of the word. Squat down to be at his height, speak it by name, making sure your child gives you his attention.
• Speak clearly - voice and words should convey unmistakably and uncompromisingly what you just want from your child. Avoid the question form and do not formulate your request as a request. A friendly but definite tone brings the most success.
• Formulate positively - even if it seems only a triviality, the word "not" is usually counterproductive and your child does not benefit much if it knows what it should not do. Rather, it needs a clear guide to what it should do.
• Do not overload your child - especially toddlers are overwhelmed with more than two instructions at once. Often, even this leads to resistance, because your child wants to defend himself against this excessive demand.
• Stay clear - irony and ambiguity arrive in child's ears as gibberish. It just does not understand what you want from it. It is also very important that body language and words fit together perfectly. If you forbid something, but at the same time smile friendly, you are virtually asking your child to break the rule.

What do you really need?

Child resistance often leads to anger or even anger among the parents. The helplessness that a stupid child triggers is indeed hard to bear. It is helpful in this case to understand why the child is resisting and what it is really about. Helpful in this case are the methods of nonviolent communication . This form of interviewing is about avoiding assessments and looking carefully at what needs are being experienced by the other person - in this case the child. A positive choice of words, but also an inner attitude that allows oneself to withdraw are the foundations of GfK. Non-violent communication relies on understanding rather than coercion and the perception of moods. While this kind of education does not "work" our children better, family sentiment and understanding for each other is increasing. Over time, so does the inner attitude.

Did I forget something? Can you think of any more points?
I´m looking forward to your experiences and additions.

Other Dad-Chronicals Stories

I do not need a TV, I have a child

What makes strong parents

Family excursion to the fairytale forest - or: Where is Anna?