A Few Notes from my Desk on the Topic of Aging.

I sometimes present my writing (prose) in short lines to help me (and maybe you) track my thoughts. There is no rhyme or rhythm but, perhaps, there's reason. Maybe. Let's see. OH! and Yes. I did make the fractal.

I'm just going to start in early talking about
soon I will turn 60 years old.
Yeppers.

This is the age that I froze my grandparents.
No matter how old they got,
in my head and in my world,
they never moved passed 60.

Well, all my grandchildren are too young for that sort of thing.

But ... the other thing about aging,
and me, and my younger mind, is  
I've watched old people hobbling around or
behaving fixed in their brain,
them telling me they didn't want to think about
something in a new way because they were too old ...

Annnnd I've wondered,

"Does this happen suddenly?
Do people know they're giving up?
Does something traumatic, dramatic happen and
they just freeze in this fixed mindset or broken body?"

I'm here to tell you ... I'm starting to find out.

It started to change as my eyes changed and
reading became more difficult.

And then as my hormones and
my circumstances changed,
no little birds in the nest
chirping out my schedules,
and my ability to track all my
ADD thoughts and scattered ways
became much much more difficult.

And I could feel myself becoming
slightly more resistant to change,
simply because of the effort.
It was not fun to read and
building the internal scaffolding that
I hang new thoughts upon was
much more challenging since
I would be inclined to start
intense interior decor design on
floor five
before the levels below were even
50% framed.

An example could be, we discovered
I do best with setting up a new phone
while sitting in the middle of
a coffee shop because
I'm probably less likely to say
profane and wasteful words and
I'm less likely to say them very loudly and
I'm less likely to throw the phone into the wall.

Not that I ever do these things normally but
I couldn't promise not to
if I didn't go sit somewhere with built in social pressure.

Now, some will stop me for an argument right here.
"But you learned about blogging, VR, SEO,
photography, digital art ... "
It's true.
But I know that resentment towards the
increased effort to concentrate and consume words
was present and increasing.

And then I started having
physical encounters with the ground.
I slipped on an icy slope while sneaking out
leaving a cemetery. True story.

And, I slipped down a clay covered slope.
Oh, the year before it was a picnic table
that tripped me up and
the year before that a moss covered stair.

And All of those were not a big deal.

BUT then,

I just about cracked my heal by
smacking it into the door frame to
block Mrs. Kitty McKitty from coming inside.

And then I fell in a hole while pushing my reel mower,
and I fell chasing my cats with a water hose because, garden and
I fell because a very large dog pulled me off the path to my back door.

And all of these happened within a one year span and
all of these added up to me
getting to know the local Chiropractor very well.
She once asked me, "What does your husband say about your falls?"
I said, "He says it's a very good thing I have a very good Chiropractor."
No truer words ever.

And then, just as we had me whole,
then came the fall to top them all.

One fateful rainy day, I opened the door to Starbucks.
Who would have ever thought that someone would
remove the door mat because it was an eye-sore?

I took two steps inside and BAM! I landed on all fours.
That doormat could have caught up all the rainwater.
Instead, I slipped and landed on the wet concrete.

I acquired a unique headache,
difficulty swallowing,
numbness in my cheek and
a popping in my ear. Like the little bones moving about.

My top rib wouldn't stay in place and
my right shoulder was a mess.

I suppose I should mention my atlas spine bone
had a new preferred resting place.

It took my chiropractor and
my new best-friend massage therapist
six months to iron me out.

Sooo I have spent the better part of
the last two and half years being told to

limit my motions.

So I felt pretty good from about mid summer

Unless ...
We probably should count the over-active histamine
issues I had all summer that I thought would never end.
I was especially resentful that it brought back a
childhood allergy to wheat-germ.

And believe me, I moved very little in the heat.
Deep-seated, insane-driving, itching can be
highly motivational when it comes to being still.

Then the weather cooled and the bugs left.

I recall a peaceful, enjoyable
Feast of Tabernacles.

October.
November.

Thanksgiving.

4 days of exposure to high levels of allergens.

Result. Two weeks of intense bronchitis
followed by 3 more weeks of gradual healing.

I have a little news flash ... I didn't want to move or think.

Then came the cat scratch fever disease.
O. My. Word.
That will have to be another post because
ya'll should know!!

It also has caused me to not want to move or think.
It has brought added bonus points for also
inflaming the old Starbucks wounds.

So let me tell you ... the bottom line ...
is this

Aging creeps up with a promise.

Tomorrow you will feel all better. Then you will catch up.
Then you won't feel you need to draw a road map
or a mind map to track your thoughts --
to place one idea next to the other.

Tomorrow you will feel all better. Then you will catch up.
Then you won't feel like you'll break if you
plant a plant or swing a sling sickle or
do pooh patrol in the dog kennel or
walk up the hill with your husband
or walk down the drive in the rain.

Tomorrow you will feel all better.
Then you won't be afraid to move.
Then you will chase down all your profound thoughts.

I am convinced that specific tomorrow
doesn't come around as frequently as it once did.
I now find myself pondering how to
keep myself from freezing my body and brain at sixty.