RANT ALERT!!! - WHO IS THE BOSS?! - Teacher OR Student?!

I have had such a enormously emotionally draining and frustrating day - and all over something which in my opinion is completely unnecessary. I don’t know what the schooling systems are like around the rest of the world, but public schooling here in South Africa is up to Sh!t – which is precisely why I spend a GROSS amount of money every single month to send my son to what is considered an EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD private school.

However, I am literally at my wits end with this place! Apart from the endless issues with effective “general communication” regarding mundane matters, I am actually dumbfounded at how the kids seem to rule the roost these days.

Earlier this year, Jude’s teacher told me that she felt that he was falling behind with some of the basics like reading, writing and mathematics. I queried this because right up until the end of Grade two, he got nothing but sterling reports from his Grade two teacher in terms of the level of his work. The only issues that were ever brought up were things like his talkativeness in class and therefore not focusing on his work and disrupting the other students in the process.

Now, at the beginning of grade three I had a meeting with the teacher and their resident occupational therapist. His teacher, after knowing him for a few short weeks voiced that he should attend OT to assist with improving his standard and speed of reading and writing.

Now let’s take a moment to remember that I am his mother and I know him best. Jude is an EXCEPTIONALLY intelligent little boy, which in turn makes him a master little manipulator of situations to steer them in his favour. Because of this, he needs a keen eye and a firm hand (figuratively speaking). So this was my first point of approach to the teacher. She made mention of the fact that he was not doing his work during class but talking etc. and my response was “HOW AND WHY?!”

Essentially, they completely dismissed my opinion that I felt he needed a stronger arm approach and I agreed to allow him to attend OT twice a week at a cost which essentially DOUBLED his school fees.

He has been going twice a week for almost two months now and yesterday I received an email which literally made me blow my lid!

To give you a little background – the school has recently adopted a “no homework” policy for the foundation phase students, which consists of Gr 1-3. They are now including the “homework” as a part of the school day. First off, let me just add that this change in structure was never formally announced by either the teachers nor the principal, which I think it absolutely appalling because it is a massive change to their daily routine, and definitely something that all moms and dads should have been made aware of, and not in broken telephone language from little 8 year olds. Anyway, so it was - and on day one, Jude had brought home no homework bag. On day two however, he came home with a homework bag filled with books but ZERO instruction given in his homework book. I checked his books and saw that his daily exercises had not been completed and then asked him why – to which he replied that his OT teacher had pulled him from class for therapy and he had not had a chance to finish it.

Now forgive me, but when a child is supposedly struggling in certain areas, should it not be of the utmost importance that those worksheets are in fact completed…. BEFORE attending OT sessions?
I was so annoyed by the sheer lack of communication on that day as well as the complete confusion considering the “no homework announcement” which I had received the day before – that I told Jude not to do anything, and I made contact with the teacher to voice my annoyance that same evening.

A week down the line, yesterday – I received this email…

Dear Jayne,
Jude was not co-operating during class today and was very busyy bossing around his peers. For this reason he did not finish his class work. He has now had to finish his class work during homework period, so must please do spelling, reading and some of his Maths homework at home today.

Now that email, in itself – says EVERYTHING to me! It is not complicated and holds NO grey areas!!! So this, was my response:
……

Hi,
I am incredibly disappointed to hear this and I have had a very stern talking to with Jude this morning about his classroom behaviour as well as the standard of his work...

However, Jude did not even come home with a book bag yesterday - so no math book, no writing book and zero instruction and I only saw this email after he had already gone to bed. So needless to say, the only thing that was done was reading.

I do have to say that I find this somewhat disappointing too, as to my mind, when an adult or a teacher disciplines a child in some way, shape or form, the responsibility is on the adult to ensure that this is followed through - ie. in this instance, that he came home with his work books and adequate instruction was given in his homework book. What worries me further is that you have brought to my attention that you feel Jude is not keeping up with certain subjects in class, both of which are the subjects which usually got brought home for homework - so I would think it of extra importance to ensure that he has it with him at the end of the day - or that it is completed during the time that is allocated at school.

Last week, the issue of confusion was regarding the fact that he had been pulled from class to see his occupational therapist and once again did not get to complete his homework in class and no instruction came home, so again, nothing got done, except reading. Every time this is happening, he is falling further and further behind. This should not be allowed to happen.

What I am REALLY struggling to grasp is this: Jude may be a headstrong youngster but is by no means and a VERY far cry from "uncontrollable". How is it, that he is being allowed to dominate the situation in the classroom? - So much so that it reaches the closure of an entire lesson and he has not achieved anything? Surely the children are not controlling the teachers? I can see so many potential solutions to this issue and I simply cannot fathom how a firm hand (figuratively speaking) would not rectify this to a large degree.

Send him to the principal’s office for a stern talking to.
Perhaps move his desk to face the wall, away from his classmates?
Put it in the passage - like the good 'ol days?
Tell him that if he does not keep quiet and complete his work that he will get detention or something of a similar nature.
Make him work during break.
Make him skip one of the less important lessons of the day, like music etc. to finish his homework.

I do realise that I am not present in the classroom, but with so few children in a class, it is beyond me how he cannot be controlled and MADE to sit down, keep quiet and do his work.

I have made the decision that until his general classroom behaviour improves dramatically; his visits to Occupational Therapy will come to a halt. Jude is an incredibly bright boy, and in terms of keeping up with his peers with his standard and speed of work, I think that his general classroom behaviour needs to be dealt with first - because if he was not spending his time talking and interfering with his peers, he may actually get the regular practice he needs as well as the time required to finish the tasks at hand.

I have given very strict instruction to Jude this morning that he will no longer be attending OT until I am happy with regular feedback from you, that there has been a marked improvement in his classroom behaviour AND the regular completion of his work.

I simply cannot justify spending another R4000 per month when things seem to be going backwards, and the most OBVIOUS issues are not being handled effectively.

On a slightly separate note, on the class whatsapp group it was very clearly voiced across the board of parents last night, that there is enormous frustration regarding the efficacy of communication re. homework, events, etc. Yesterday everyone was very confused re. the homework as some kids were saying there was, some kids were saying there wasn't... and there were a LOT of very frustrated parents. We are all VERY pro the no homework approach as we all agree that their days are long enough and they get far too little time to just play and be kids, but then this system needs to be implemented efficiently. If children are not doing what they should be doing during that time (which in my opinion, simply should not happen - period - if the teachers are controlling them efficiently), then they should be made to do it during break. There should be a consequence for their actions so that they learn to focus and work properly during the designated times.

Sending the kids home with homework bags on random days, without instruction in the homework book - to my mind, is going to head South fast. And in Jude's instance, the homework bag didn't even make it as far as home. Yesterday I was quite snowed under with work, and seeing no books in his bag I assumed it a normal "no homework day" and didn't even think to check my mail until later that night - which was too late and pointless irrespective as there were no books to do anything in.

I am feeling incredibly frustrated by all of this. At home, Jude is a very helpful, cooperative and polite little boy and I cannot wrap my head around why the same kind of behaviour is not being ENFORCED at school.

I would like to get some feedback please on how this is dealt with in the classroom, because at this point, and from my perspective, Jude is being allowed to dominate the situation and run a mock - and that, is not acceptable.

I would appreciate some constructive feedback soonest.

Many thanks

I got an incredibly defensive email response from the teacher later today (not surprisingly) to which I had begun writing a reply and then STOPPED and decided to make an appointment to meet rather.

This was the reply I had drafted, but never sent…

I have read everything you have said and I understand it completely. However, you seem to be missing my point entirely.

What I am saying, is how is it even getting to a point where Jude is NOT completing his work during class. You are contacting me frequently to tell me that he is bossy and disruptive and spends a lot of time talking and interfering with his peers - and MY point, is - why is that being permitted! If a child is told to do something by a teacher and they don't listen, and are allowed to continue doing whatever they please, then this is most certainly a discipline issue in my opinion. There are 13 children in the class - this is less than HALF of most public schools!

The fact of the matter is, Jude should NOT be allowed to get through a lesson simply doing as he pleases, then being punished afterward by having to bring home the work. He should not be permitted to get away with it in the first place.If he was being controlled adequately in the classroom then the talking and bossing etc. should not even be happening and would not come up as a concern because he would be being forced to be respectful and mindful of his teachers instructions and therefore sit down, keep quiet and work!

From what I can tell, and concreted by you frequently mentioning it - this is not the case, and Jude's behaviour, is NOT being dealt with.

This brings forward yet another issue I have which I have also mentioned to you before. Right up until the end of grade two, other than his talkativeness etc. in class, he was PERFECTLY on par with his peers. He has most of the same peers in his class this year, so how is it that after receiving a very good end of year report, he now has all these critical issues and is so far behind?! It does not add up. Either he was not evaluated properly last year, or - there is another issue at hand.

Now, the point I am trying to make is that if Jude was MADE to get his work done in class, MADE to keep quiet and MADE to focus properly during lessons, then perhaps he would not be falling behind in the first place. If his "spatial awareness" and "subtraction issues" etc. were not ONCE brought up throughout the entire year of grade two (or grade one). He cannot go from managing perfectly in Dec 2017 to being significantly behind his peers in March 2018 - it simply does not make any sense.

I am not trying to attack you, but I am enormously frustrated by this whole ordeal. When I sit with Jude at home and do writing and reading and other exercises with him, he works quickly, neatly and does not seem to struggle much with anything at all. He is however LAZY - and is, as I have mentioned before, very manipulative, so if he can find a shortcut, he will use it and this, will then be addressed by me as in, if the work is messy, he does it again.

As an example, the homework book. Considering that he supposedly struggles with writing cohesive sentences, why is that not enforced when writing his homework down? Because it isn't and he generally writes one word instruction - which gets ticked by you... something which I would never tick.... because it was not up to scratch and he is QUITE capable of doing it properly, but is CHOOSING not to, and is being allowed to do that.

Another example - the other morning I had a look at his math workbook (the one that used to come home) and his work was nothing short of SHOCKING!! The sums were not even written in straight lines! It looked like mountains of mess - and this was "approved" by you. Why is that standard of work being approved? He should have been made to rub it out and do it again - neatly - as he very well CAN do!

…….

As I said, I never sent it and arranged to meet instead and after receiving a meeting confirmation from the teacher, I also received a rather encouraging email from the principal, who seems to very CLEARLY share my perspective.

……

DearJayne

Thank you for your clear and open communication and I look forward to meeting with you tomorrow to find a path ahead for Jude. It is important that both you and Aimee are clear on the way forward together and Jude will respond to a combined set of expectations.

I hear your total frustration and have no doubt we will sort it tomorrow. Jude is a delightful,energetic, smart and innovative young man who requires some clear boundaries.

Warmest

……

I will be meeting with both principal and teacher tomorrow and hopefully we can find a way forward on this. I am so emotionally exhausted because this is my little boy… and HE MATTERS!!!!

I am his mother, I know how he ticks! I know that he does not need occupational therapy, I know that he is capable of more than many – but there are SO many FUNDAMENTAL and OBVIOUS issues which are NOT being addressed and SURELY, those bridges should be crossed FIRST! If after that, we discover there is no further improvement, then fine – but I will put MONEY on the fact that it will not come to that!

Damn, motherhood can be SO emotionally draining sometimes. Lol!

I had so many plans for today’s set of posts… and all you guys got was my vent session. But if it gives even ONE other parent the BALLS to stand up against teachers who are SO damn quick to “BRAND” and “LABEL” our kids with “conditions”, then I will be VERY HAPPY!!!!

(Apologies in advance for typos and grammatical errors – I am way too drained to give a Fncking TOSS!)

PS. Thanks for "listening"

……

Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx

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