STEEMystical? The path to Steemit and how I came to barge in 🚢🚢🚢 !
Last year I all but missed the Autumn psilocybin mushroom season in Scotland, gathering just enough for a single trip which I eventually took on Hogmanay – New Year's eve. I no longer take substances for social-recreational purposes as such – I'm almost always by myself anyway. I use the experience to explore deep aspects within and to just float in the lightness of being; meditating, walking in the woods and hills, listening to music, spending time with Shanti - that kind of thing.
So, on 31 Dec 2017 I was by myself, in my room, being lead/guided through the healing magic of the trip. I experienced a purging - submerged in heavy, suffocating and torturous states of mind the likes of which I had not experienced for a long time, and which I had thought to have left behind. It was both a reminder of the seeming fragility of things mental, and, at the same time, a clear demonstration to me of their transitory and illusory, nature. I surfaced cleansed, relieved and grateful. I then embarked upon a Mandy(or Molly)-instigated bliss-out as the midnight fireworks lit up the night sky over Edinburgh. Shanti kept me company as I sat cross-legged, soaking up the love and radiating it back across the universe. In this state I sent out a humble request for help - I wished to know the next step in my disengagement from the Matrix. I let it float up and away, not particularly expecting an immediate response and indeed, none came :).
Now I work with the elderly, and around 10 days per month. I have been doing this for 18 months and the employer is a company with nation-wide tentacles. I find a lot of reward in activity that integrates kindness, consideration and patience – the 12 hour shifts fly by, and I do not work more than two days in succession. Work is nearby and I have now found a comfortable balance where I earn according to my spendings and want for nothing. I have the space in between to arrive at work feeling fresh and energised. It is the most authentic job I have ever done and I have learnt a lot from the experience. Nevertheless, I am uncomfortable working for an organisation that ultimately – over and above the à la carte menus and glossy brochures – seeks to profit from the elderly and vulnerable. The highest priority is the obligation to the shareholders, which means that turning a profit always comes first. The consequences of this twisted prioritising permeate the system and drive it firmly in directions which are unnatural and frankly, unacceptable to my current way of being. I have to abide by it to some degree, even if most of the time I am simply being with the residents and seeking to serve their needs. However, by continuing to work there, I am colluding with this system and giving it my tacit and unwilling approval!
Anyhow, so, in this context, disengaging from the Matrix implies, for me, no longer serving the kind of energies that feed off others. However well presented, profiting from the sick and elderly seems parasitic to me. I have respect for my colleagues who do what they can, but for the most part, they seem to regard the system as immutable and all-powerful, and themselves as weak and helpless. Few of them have energy to spare – they work long hours, typically 4 x 12-hour shifts per week, and have kids, spouses and other pressures to deal with at home. I feel fortunate.
So I let float my Hogmanay desire for change in this regard. I had felt a change to be imminent for a while, but didn't have any clarity on how or what or when – moving sideways to a similar job would be pointless. My approach is to earn what I need through the least violent means possible (i.e. the violence inflicted on myself and others by engaging in falsehood, even at the subtlest of levels). I'm not interested in maximising earnings and most advertised jobs, even at minimum wage, require levels of violence greater than what I am engaged in at present. This has left me with no real option but to continue where I am, and I was cool with it, knowing that something would come along eventually – I have full confidence in the Universe.
I'm not saying that that something was Steemit....well actually, I wonder if I am! After offering up my request to the Universe, I entered the first day of 2018 in a sweet mood and came across an older video (Aug 2017) of Dan Dicks (@pressfortruth) on Youtube interviewing Adrien M. (@heimindanger), the creator of d.tube. Intrigued by the concept and scarcely able to believe such a thing could exist, I visited d.tube and, upon trying to create an account, I was directed to Steemit.com – yaay! I applied and promptly forgot I had done so. A couple of days later I saw the link to activate my account and got hooked.
Although the concept is radical and I love it, I must say that it is more than the possibility of earning an income that has been so uplifting over this past month for me on Steemit. I mean, I don't follow a strategy of maximizing my earnings in the physical world anyway - I have enough for my needs and my time is far more precious! I have also been learning to perceive and experience abundance (and I do) in the physical world, where the game is set up for a fear-based scarcity mindset. The foundational philosophy of Steemit seems to have an abundance mindset built into its very core and this resonates well with me. Earning is part and parcel of the process of engaging with the Steemit platform, a by-product or side-effect of the activity of self-expression (as it presents itself to me). Although the potential for an income undeniably provides background motivation and incentive to engage, I do not myself need to actively manage, project or plan for numbers - it's impossible to know how @barge will do in this regard anyway.
What I am truly delighted about is having found my voice. There is a blockchain to record it, and this cannot be messed with; there is a potential audience that ranges from welcoming & open, to neutral & polite, but almost never gratuitously malicious - plenty of willing support. It's different here and very encouraging, a space where I am not identified primarily by external factors. I can have the security of partial anonymity behind @barge, yet find that through his agency, my eternal voice - mostly silent for many long years - can be exercised, find its way around and gradually gain in confidence.
I'm finding that the quality of my experience is proportionate to how much I express for myself, for me - and, actually, for me alone! Then I can share the output - with joy. You, who grace my page with your presence, do so because it is your freewill choice - I would like to keep it that way. I have no desire to follow time-tables, schedules or deadlines; no wish to raise expectations that may cause me to have to live up to something or the other; no selling myself short by comparisons with others; no crowd-following. If I feel something flow, I can just let it flow as long as I am not distracted by placing energy on spinning numbers of followers or Steem dollars. I check those numbers frequently enough – no shame in it – just saying that I'm aware that when my attention is drawn towards personal gain (dollars/followers/rep etc) – and this could be as subtle as the impulse to please/appease - there is a corresponding dip in creative energy and a break in its flow. There is the high of course – the excitement, the ticking numbers, checking back to see if interest has been generated etc etc – and it's a lot of fun. But there's more going on – that is not quite my Omega point!
In an exchange with Steemian @wwf, he concluded his comment with the words “I appreciate your courage to speak your peace.“ I pondered the phrase to speak one's peace along with the context in which it had been used. I realised that typo (peace/piece) or not, it carried a meaning that resonated with me - I have since even used it in a comment myself :). Thinking about what that meaning was, I realised that for me, speaking my peace was the same as expressing myself into a state of peace, or rest. In other words, giving expression to what is inside and wishes to come out, allows the peace of balance and rest to manifest within. Thus, not speaking my peace – not expressing myself truly (for myself) – is to retain a frustration within of what has not been allowed out – this is restless energy, and I find it disruptive.
I do not know if future Steemit earnings will allow me to quit the job, although I think it is likely, even probable. Regardless of how and when this may happen, I have already been gifted a novel state of being; this blissful lightness when I speak my peace – it is priceless!
This concludes a rather long and meandering post on how and why I came to be on Steemit and how I feel about it just now. Thanks for reading.
Namaste
Good to hear from you again @barge - sometimes i feel that to exit the matrix is a distant dream - but i still cling to the hope that maybe one day we will see the system crumble and those that push the evil empire get what they deserve. Give Shanti a good belly rub for me :)
I think we were visiting each other's blog at the same time as I too have just left you a comment - nice connection that @realtreebivvy, really cool!
For me, there's no point trying to alter anything. The Matrix is, and it is held up through the energies of fear and control. All I can do is see where I am engaging with these energies, and untangle the web - physically if possible, but emotionally for sure. That's my modus operandi. When there is critical-mass disengagement, it will crumble of its own accord, as the energies holding it up transform into rainbows 🌟 🌟 🌟
And oh yes, Shanti goes into trance with them :) 🐺
Bravo my friend @barge! Love the post!
And your contribution to it was MOST valuable - critical even!
Thank you very much indeed @wwf!
Nice one @barge! I feel like we share some common views of the world. And you lucky dog you, you have pscilocybin season!? That's amazing
Thanks @jakeybrown... :D
And yes it's great! In 2016 I gathered enough to last me the entire year - taking them every 6 weeks or so, and giving some away. Last year I got a bit over-confident and left it too late - the season had come earlier and I only found 42, which itself is a nice number! I've also decided that in 2018, the Equinox is when I start looking for them again.
Dang, that sounds amazing, you just get to go for a nice walk in nature and find some friends to help you enjoy nature even more!
Have to wrap up though - mostly cold, windy and wet at that time of year. I think it's perhaps something to do with the changing season. But Mushroom decides, IMO, whether to make Itself visible or not :). Super article on the mystical magic power of mushrooms - what a presentation by @perceptualflaws! His use of images is mesmirising. I saw you commented :)
Haha, ya great article by him, I don't think they grow in my state, we have really cold winters and dry climate in summer, maybe a rare one, but I'm no expert in finding any.
Hiya Barge
I'm so happy you wrote about this. I'd not seen this until now. Weird how we got on the subject of talking shrooms in the chat earlier :O This was so beautifully written and reveals your honest. Gorgeous stuff, man!
Working with the elderly. I see your dilemna. But... after all the scary documentaries I've seen about elderly care, it's comforting to know there are people like you around to care for the elderly decently and with compassion and kindness. If the only people left in that matrix were mercenaries, what would become of the humans stuck in that system. I see your problem though. It's a big fight and I don't fancy your chances.
A big 'amen' to that. I retired at 48. Best thing I ever did :D
This was a joy to read.
Thanks
Anji :)
Hey Anj nice to see you here! Yes, the Magic Mushroom Mycelium of interconnectedness - can't recall what the entry point to it was though :)
Not for me. I don't wish to engage with the Matrix and this involves not engaging in battle with it. For me, to fight or to resist is the same - to wish to influence it or to be uncomfortable with the manner in which it influences me. There must be a middle way beyond wining and losing that does not engage with it (doesn't get emotionally knocked off balance) and thus, with which it cannot engage. For me it is simply a case of fake resonating with fake but not with true. In other words, my own falsehood is what I've got to be aware of - my own bullshit; also my fears and traumas. I have to look them in the eye, else they remain as emotional hooks by which I can be taken unawares. And if I'm asleep, I'll not know. The Matrix is the dream.
Thanks for saying what you did - in many ways it's an easy job when you can side-step drama and not get caught up in it. From an 'inside' perspective, care-workers rarely have their voice heard (I don't speak for the group either really...oops). They typically do not have experience of standing up for themselves (fighting isn't the same thing) and they are mercilessly taken for granted by the dynamics of the system. Odd isn't it that so much sentimentality and money is splashed out on elderly care - so much! - yet carers are one of the lowest paid groups. In the Matrix, where salary is an indication of worth, this says a great deal.
Elderly care is a touchy subject. It can be heart-breaking. An ideal care home for me would have no attention paid to financial efficiency - there'd be the physical and practical structures of support of course, but also much much more. Natural healing; animals; large, safe enclosed areas; bonfires, music and singing blah blah blah. There is a bit of this going on, but it is two-dimensional, and in a setting that resembles a prison or a hospital at best.
I'm utterly delighted you enjoyed reading the post. Thanks again for your ever kind and supportive words :D
Hiya Barge
It's my pleasure to be here.
Wise words. I'm trying to unstick myself from matrixy things too but I get hooked sometimes. A lot, actually. It's probably programming. Like yesterday – got my attention snagged by drama and the like. Not even my own drama :D
I know. I worked in the NHS for too many years. That's one exploitative messed up system. If you actually care, it'll eat away at you. Originally, the NHS employed its care-workers, porters, cleaners. Now, increasingly, they contract these services out to pimps that give them the best deal. I noticed, in my time there, a drastic reduction in worker's benefits – holidays, pay, even break times. They squeeze every last drop and (if you believe their manifestos) expect premium standards of care in return. Fucking vampires.
An expensive care home near me was closed down. The original owner ran it properly, cared. He died and his kids took over. Only the money mattered. Standards dropped. They didn't care about their employees or their residents. People suffered.
I agree with your vision of elderly care. But, in an ideal world, we'd return to the way it was. They'd be looked after by families and communities. But we can't because we're busy busting our guts to pay the government to do a half-arsed job of it. Lots of my neighbours are Chinese. They've all got an elderly person pottering around the house. They support each other. It seems to be the best way.
It's my pleasure to read your writing :D
Yes absolutely and absolutely and absolutely!!! I actually now would like to retract my stated 'ideal' vision entirely as it is just another way of trying to work within the system.
There would be no need for impersonal carehomes at all if the elderly are looked after by their families and their organic, local communities. One of the things I always notice is the sense of unfamiliarity (and associated energy of fear, sometimes aggression) that some residents can display towards carers and the carehome environment when they are stressed/agitated/acting out etc. The are desperately looking around for something familiar, something to anchor them in this swirling and confusing space. There is a lot of pain expressed (often manifests as anger), and this can cause people to back off, if not turn away - I think you'll know what I mean having worked in the NHS for so many years. Natural and alternative healing would be more accessible when these doors are not slammed shut by big PHARMA....and (sweet ideal future) with the current elderly having grown up in an enviroment where they had all or the majority of their emotional, physical and psychological needs met (currently estimated as applying to less than 5% of children), dis-ease would not manifest coz there'd not be the energies of surpressed trauma, and anyway, there would have always have been unconditional support available to work through stuff. Old age - a happy joyous affair, where any age is respected by the old and young alike!
Thanks for pointing out this crucial aspect and helping me to bring another un-conscious Matrix-infused concept to my awareness. I'm so glad, coz I realise now how my earlier 'vision' of what an 'ideal' carehome ought to be, is utter bullshit!!!
🕉
Lol @ your retracted vision of utter bullshit XD. It's scary though innit – how we make adjustments and concessions. We're that embroiled in its tendrils we accept a less than optimal outcome just because it's better than the hell that already exists. Like being grateful the man has stopped beating us with a stick while he still has the chain around our necks.
Yes, I know what you mean about the fearful elderly patients. It's heartbreaking.
Yes to natural healing. My uncle had liver cancer and was told he likely had less than a year left. They chose not to treat it. We got him some good CBD oil and when he went back for another scan a year later, it had gone. He still has some scarring on the liver but the CBD oil was the only new thing he'd introduced. This was ~ 3 years ago now. I know this is anecdotal but I've heard plenty of people do well with cannabis products. Big Pharma kills more people than anyone. And we pay them for the privilege. Bastards.
That's interesting. And scary. But it makes sense. We've got both parents (if they're still around) working all the time and when they're not their kids are immersed in electronic distracting devices. I'd also add nutritional fails in with that too.
Imagine what it'll be like when (if) we get old (proper old, not like 45 yrs old). Scary!
Cheers
Anj :)
PS There's no need to upvote my comments. Save your battery ;)
Yup, totally Anj, these un- and sub-consciously made adjustments and concessions...part of conditioning which insists that the world must be 'this' or 'that' way - when it clearly isn't! Guess waking up is the cumulative process of bringing these things into conscious awareness innit? :)
Amazing story with your uncle and very illustrative of the possiblities of alternative approaches. I've come across many tales of self-healing or being healed with alternatives. There was a youtube video I came across, showing a person suffering from Parkinson's, shaking and rather unsettled. A few mins or so after applying some CBD oil to his gums, he was calm and collected - dramatic!
I got the figure from a book called Healing the Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families. I'm actually unable to find his list of 20 fundamental needs of children online, and I've given my copy of the book away so can't type it up :( ......but it's fascinating to look and see how many of YOUR needs were fulfilled as a child!!!???? - I found it extremely revealing! And yeah, I went through a phase of blaming my parents and being angry, until I realised that they did their best, and with love, but that they too were trapped and restricted by their unconscious conditioning, and therefore couldn't help but pass it on!
And the getting older thing Anj, again dunno. Frankly, life began again for me at 40 and I am very grateful. I never valued stuff much in my youth and I am beginning to now - I wouldn't swap! But being sick and infirm, helpless and dependant. I dont' want that either 😱.
And also thanks for pointing out the voting thing - makes total sense. I've only got 10/day and they get used up very quickly. If I've already voted in our exchange I needn't feel obliged to keep doing so. Kewwwwl!
Over and oot 👋
Hiya Barge
Yes. Sometimes I feel woke but then I'll say or do something (automatically) and think fuck, not so much. A work in progress, eh, always haha.
I've seen the YT vid of the guy with Parkinson's. Also a kid with epilepsy. Amazing and dramatic effect.
Add to cart! I just found it on eBay for £3.83 including postage. Yay. Not due until 23rd Feb but that's ok. Cheers for the headsup.
I always wondered about kids who are sent to boarding school. How that must feel? Mine were both narcissistic in their own way and did a fair bit of damage.
That's great to hear. Good to have finally found your way :D
Cheers
Anj :D
Yaay! That book cracked open quite a few things for me 👏 👏 👏
Actually, I don't think I've fully processed my BS experiences. I won't go into them here, just wanna say that I think that the dysfunctionality would've been far more intense had I remained at home. Having said that, 8 months/year away from home from just turning 9 until I went abroad at 17 and a half....yup, massive impact and I'm not entirely clear if I'm clear....if you see what I mean!
...the only path is pathless
🕉
Amen to that!
You expressed well thoughts that I have had myself. In fact, I loaded up your post, saw its length and said to myself: 'this needs coffee'. As I waited for the kettle to boil, without watching it of course, I found myself thinking about how this platform has given me a voice. And there you go mentioning that very same thing.
What you said about sharing for yourself first is exactly how AA meetings work. I found my way back to meetings at the end of last year after a 3-year absence and it felt like I'd never been away. It's the one place on earth where it feels like we're sharing ourselves openly and honestly, perhaps because the stakes are so high if we don't. Another member commented after a recent share of mine that it was really good to have me back because what I share helps him. I guess I'd kinda forgotten that. They say that you have to give it away to keep it, and I've always liked that idea.
I share in meetings for me. More often than not I have no idea what I'm going to say, so I just introduce myself and maybe pick up on something someone else has said that triggered something in my memory and then just let the words come out. When I leave the meeting and walk home, I always feel cleansed, you know, with the universal connection opened up again with much less interference. It soon creeps back though. You seem to be working on keeping your connection interference free and I love following your meanderings and experience with that. Keep speaking your peace, my friend. I'm listening.
...this is what I've been buzzing on, what keeps my mind spinning and me sitting at a computer for hours like I've not done for a good few years. Has definite similarities to an addiction :)
...I agree! If I'm holding on, then there must be a fear of letting go, and it is this fear which is stopping me from getting what I want - brilliant!
Thanks for your sentiments of appreciation and support @camuel, and for adding the AA-dimension and how it helps with self-expression and how self-expression helps others. See you around the Steemniverse my friend ;D
"Barge in".... hah!
I know what you did there :P
...hi @spiritualmax, but not entirely sure what you're referring to. Sure I 'barged' into Steemit and cleverly managed to get my @name hidden in the title of this post :).. but elsewhere I open doors gently (even shyly) eg. following @anjkara's invite to CryptoEmp. - wouldn't be able to barge in there with all those security guards and enforcers about the place :D ... thanks for stopping by!
Anj is a sweetie! If you know her then you're my friend already :D