First of all, I love you.

Second, I went and read your post. I'll leave the comment here 'cause short on time and it all fits together, but OH how I want to be there and spend time with you. I'm still not sure, even if I get picked, if I'm brave enough to go, or if I'd try to back out as graciously as possible and let someone else have the chance.

This part, from your beautifully honest post, could just as easily be said about having children:

It shouldn't be such a burden for me to go somewhere. But it is, it drains me, I miss the spontaneity that I used to have.

It's totally different, and I love my kids and am so grateful for them, but my life would be infinitely more free if I weren't a mother. And that takes a lot of adjustment, over a long period of time. And it'll change, but I can relate to that sudden lack of freedom, even if our situations are not the same.

In the comments of your post it seemed like there were quite a few people who will be there offering to help, so I know you'll have friends in Poland. If I go, I would really need to figure out who could help me feel safe. My head would be wrapped up in figuring out logistics, and how I'd handle different situations. Maybe not a bad thing to think about, but I tend to overthink. ;-) Ah, we humans lead such interesting journeys. I'm gonna upvote your comment since your post was past payout, but thanks for mentioning it! I'm so glad I read it. :)