Hi Steemit, welcome to my anonymous diary - Weds 27th Feb 2019

Hi steemit, My life is not going the way I had planned, I have not planned. A little about myself, I am in my early 20's and I have been single for more than 4 years. I am a straight white male who enjoys my alone time and I do need a while to 'recharge' after social situations.

I am still living with parents. I work a full time job and commute to and from my job for a total of two hours a day. I have no friends outside of my workplace; I get on well with about 10 colleagues but I avoid talking to and making eye contact with the rest when ever I can.

My days consist of waking up, getting breakfast, listening to podcasts/music on the way to and from work. I do my job, play ping pong on breaks and then I come home and eat dinner, mindlessly browse the internet & watch porn (live cam girls) before repeating the cycle. on my days off of work I spend all my time indoors, in my room alone. Binge watching tv, coming up with great crypto or social media ideas (I lose motivation/come to my senses when it's time to go back into work) that take up all my time and distract me from accomplishing anything or furthering my health or happiness.

I do not take pride in my appearance or self grooming, I do not take the time to introduce myself to new people or engage with everyone or even most people that I meet. I struggle with elocution sometimes and people can find it hard to understand what I am saying, although if I really try I can get my point across without repetition. (this is mostly in personal life, I can explain most everything just fine to customers for the most part.)

It probably is obvious at this point, I am not in shape and my diet is not ideal. I have never been overweight and have struggled to maintain an average weight most of my life. I am unconfident (physically) in my body. Most men I come in contact with could overpower me (quite a strange sensation because I am taller than all of them.) I think that for most of my life I have been in a mild depression although never suicidal whatsoever.

The nature of my job requires me to talk constantly all day, most of the time I am using my voice to persuade someone into something I don't believe in(nothing unethical, I just work a telesales job for a well known company). I sometimes feel disheartened by talking all day without saying anything of importance. I am competent at my job and I take pride on explaining something to a new colleague or customer. I would say I am more intelligent than maybe 70-80% of people (I have my doubts about my intelligence sometimes but I don't think I would have these doubts if I was not intelligent.)

I feel like I cannot talk to my family or most colleagues about anything important I have nothing personal to bring to conversations at times, although I can spout off countless facts and stories I've picked up from podcasts or youtube interviews. It has become a common theme that one of my colleagues will ask me each Monday "what did you do during your weekend off work?" I always reply "I did nothing" because that is the truth. I am a mess and I have a LOT I want to improve on.

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The purpose for this account is for me to track my days, I am talking like I am addressing an audience but this is just the best way for me to collect my thoughts. I want to be able to look back on these posts in the future to see what I have or have not accomplished. I hope to discuss relevant topics with people you lovely people in the comments. hopefully I can light the spark for one of you to improve your life while improving my life in the process.