Milk Bath

in #sciencefiction6 years ago (edited)

Jeremiah lowered himself into the milk bath, uncertain of the man he’d be when he emerged. It had been six months since the Plague broke out in Sector 6 of the Galactic States, but the characteristic rashes first began appearing on his skin only a few days ago.

The Plague had all been eradicated by the 28th century, thanks to a breakthrough vaccine that was developed by State scientists. It only lingered in impoverished communities in the farthest reaches of the outer colonies, until religious fanatics from Earth banned the use of all modern medicine among their adherents. Prosthelytizing missionaries who traveled to the outer colonies picked up the disease and brought it back to the inner sectors. By the time the plague spread in earnest, it had become resistant to both of the antibiotics that had been used to contain it prior to the vaccine. Now those who caught it had to resort to ancient folk remedies. At least the milk baths kept the symptoms at bay, and presumably, its contagiousness.

IMG_5569.JPG

Suomenlinna Fortress on Planet Earth, Finland, April 2018

At first, the Plague seemed relatively harmless. The rashes were certainly unattractive, but death tolls were low, and few were succumbing to it other than sick patients who refused to take immune boosting medications due to religious conviction. Within months, it became clear that patients were becoming infertile, and pregnant women began miscarrying. Panic spread rapidly. Jeremiah’s wife, who had recently become pregnant, refused to see him. For Jeremiah, the worst aspect of the Plague was the loneliness it brought.

He emerged from the milk bath in silence, and looked down at his arms. Milk pooled along the edges of his scabs, only highlighting the ominous portent of what was to come.

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Do a ctrl+f for "had", and notice how frequently it's used, especially in the second paragraph. You can mix it up with alternatives like "was" in place of "had been", or "it'd" in place of "it had".

Thank you for this, this is really helpful! You're an incredible writer, and I appreciate your input. I wrote this one as part of the 5 minute freewrite thing, which has actually been really helpful for getting my fiction brain going--I had hardly ventured into fiction at all before I started writing here. I did some quick edits when I wrote it (can't say I always strictly adhere to the freewrite format), but you know how it goes--you don't immediately notice those things until someone points them out. I really appreciate the constructive criticism and I'll do another edit to cut down on the repetition.

My 9th grade English teacher once gave us an assignment in which she required that we only use the verbs "to be" and "to have" a maximum of three times each, which also meant eliminating passive voice. I can't remember the exact length of the paper, but I want to say it was about five pages, so it required a lot of creativity to stick to the requirement. It turns out that verbs can be even more descriptive than adjectives at times (depending on your writing style, of course). In that case, we weren't writing narrative fiction--I think it was a standard English paper--so we didn't need fancy verbal constructions like "had been."

@alexbeyman - Thank you for the ctrl+f for "had" tip, I didn't know about it, just tried and it will be very useful. Cheers!

I don't know if congratulate you for the awesome sci-fi story or being sad and afraid for the plausibility of what you wrote, expecially with those anti-vaxxers spreading out everywhere

Seeeriously. That was at the forefront of my mind while I wrote this.

Ooooooooooooooooo

this doesn't sound good for him.........

Great job scaring me!!!!!!!

Thanks for reading! I usually don't like reading or watching horror, but I do love dark sci-fi. It does scare the crap out of me though. >:)

You did an amazing job with this and it's so plausible in our changing times! Gorgeous photo!

I know, that's what inspired it! It's actually crazy how big the anti-vaxxer community is on here... kind of a bummer, but I try not to engage with them because it's not like I'm going to change their minds if the abundance of evidence on here hasn't already. It's just so reckless and selfish. Anyway, Black Mirror was a big inspiration here. I like the format of taking a current issue and exploring a possible eventuality in the future.

As an aside, here's a true story: the doctor who was one of the big early proponents of the "vacciness give you autism" hysteria was my childhood doctor, and he was the one who vaccinated me. Irony at its finest. I smile a little bit every time I have to contact that office for medical records to get proof that I was vaccinated (if I have to travel internationally or something).

Do you recommend Black Mirror?

Emphatically yes!

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I really enjoyed that! I instantly connected with the Jeremiah and his loneliness...do you think you might write more??

Maybe! I've gotten some feedback from a few of the freewriters that they liked the universe I created, so maybe that's a sign that I should stick with it and keep exploring the possibilities. Like, off the top of my head, I could write about how the religious fanatics take the spread of the Plague as an affirmation that the Gods are punishing humanity for expanding beyond what they would have permitted with space exploration (like they say that the Tower of Babel story was predicting humanity's future sin), or explore people downloading into artificial bodies to avoid dying of the Plague as it evolves into something deadly (inspired by a conversation that @alexbeyman and I had a couple days ago). Or maybe I could combine the two with the character I already created, as he tries to find a way to cheat death by finding a new body while the clock is ticking down to his demise, as the fanatics, who have taken over the government, try to outlaw it because they say the Plague is the Gods' wrath and everyone has to accept it.

Sorry that you just totally became the recipient of that word vomit. Keeping it here for future reference hahah.

Steemit was dominated early on by fringe groups. It can be irritating at times but it also makes for a refreshingly alternative, outsider flavor. Look into the anti-CPS crowd sometime if you really want to disappear down a rabbit hole.

This is... insane. How did I not know these people existed?! What are they doing to their children that is causing CPS to be concerned? I saw someone mention today that they “unschooled” their kids. Are they one of them? Is this an anti-vax thing?? I have so many questions.

Usually meth, heroin or opoids if you dig through their side of the story long enough. They will hint at it or mention it in passing before launching right back into "but that doesn't justify the government abducting my kids". There's definitely a lot of overlap between those camps, yes.

This is really making me want to write about cognitive dissonance. I’m convinced that the desperate avoidance of cognitive dissonance is the root of all willful stupidity. (I must not be a terrible parent; ergo, the societal standards by which I am judged a terrible parent must be wrong.)

Haha I love the word vomit! My favorite part about writing an ongoing series in the freewrites is that the story can take you anywhere. I have a rough idea of how I want it to go...basic story...knowing that he wants to download into another body...but as you go and characters come to life, they start telling the story for you!

Even that far in the future - we are still idiots!! Poor mankind - not learning!!!

I'm pretty sure perpetual idiocy, even in the future, will 100% be the case... :/

sadly - I have to agree 😔

Yipes! Hooray for creepy freewrites!

And congrats / what a great contest you're sponsoring.

Thank you! I'm really excited to give out those prizes. :D

Everyone! You can see the winner announcement thread on my blog. :)

@malloryblythe Ha! And I see someone named @cheekah was among the winners! Reminds me of the name @cheetah, but I can see that that isn't intentional. What a happy coincidence!

I'm guessing more than a few people are going to be confused when she comments and they see the notification come in, and then brace themselves to defend their honor before sighing in relief. :)

@malloryblythe Right?!? Or maybe she'll become super famous in a very quick amount of time.

You have created a fascinating world here. I am so impressed and intrigued to learn more. Very good freewrite.

Thank you for reading!

Thank you so much! I'm having a lot of fun with these. :) And hearing so much enthusiasm for this universe has definitely gotten my brain going on where I could take it.

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