From a slave to a master, chapter # 9 - The Dualistic Structure of relationships, part I

A Memoir

Excerpt: I have already written that on my path I used relationships as my compass. Some people use money or health but I wanted my relationships to serve me, as it was the fastest way I was aware of. Early on I came to realize that there is a great dichotomy between enlightenment and relationships, as they are being practiced nowadays. The duality was undeniable and crystal clear.
In the next series of articles I will discuss the structure of contemporary relationships and by that will prepare the ground for the “tool-box for the True Love creator” that will be discussed in due time.

Credit: gifer.com

The Important question in relationships

Most of the relationships nowadays, either in liberal societies or traditional ones, end with marriages or contractual agreements. In either case, the spouses’ agreement to live together is based on the mutual desire to share life with each other. This wish is not wrong unto itself but the important question should be addressed, i.e., what was the meaning, the intention, behind that romantic encounter and which ideas or perspectives have led the individuals to bond themselves to each other, to marry and perhaps even have children.

The courting procedure

In orthodox-religious societies, and to some extent in traditional-secular societies as well, it is acceptable and expected that the man is courting and pursuing after the woman. During his courting-journey he is expected to conquerher heart, win her parent’s consent and ask her to marry him. The woman’s part in this scenario remains passive and it is to fulfill the role she is given in this courting game. The meeting between the two can occur arbitrarily, just-like-that, in a street corner, at a mall, at the cinema theatre, at friends' on Saturday night or, perhaps, through a set-up. This last mean – the matchmaking – is more acceptable in religious societies and it intensifies the man’s position in the courting process.

Credit: gifer.com

It is not really important where and under which circumstances the man first noticed the woman because after all, he is the one that is expected to take the initiative. If he slightly hesitates then the woman makes a move, hinting at him about the step he is expected to take. This indication from the woman’s part can be either gentle, like an ambiguous eye contact, or rather rude and invasive like a sexual abrupt behavior. However, whatever the differences may be the old-ages principle remains the same: the man must take the first move and the woman should remain passive. Indeed, there are some exceptions like women who choose to rebel against the structure and take an active initiative but those women are an exception to the rule and will be discussed hereinafter.

Right after the first moment occurred, in which the man showed his initial interest, a very interesting change happens: the ball moves to the woman’s court and now she is expected to respond affirmatively.

It is worth mentioning that I discuss a situation in which both parties share the common desire for relationship and not a situation in which the woman is not interested at all. (If the man was not interested he would never have made his move.)

Due to the fact that in religious societies the courting takes place through the parents or with the help of the matchmaker, a negative response from the woman would lop the chance for the desired relationship. Therefore, a wise woman knows that when a man approaches her through a third party she must never refuse (again, providing she is interested).

The situation is different when the approach is a direct one. In such case, the woman’s response depends on other parameters such as the nature of the encounter. If, for instance, the man spots the woman at a café and approaches her to ask for her phone number, the woman - who is interested - process the following consideration in her mind: the man is a total stranger so if she says “No” she will definitely miss the opportunity to get to know a person that might be her True Love; therefore, if she is interested and wise she will always respond affirmatively to the man’s courting.

Things get more complicated when the man and the woman are not total strangers to each other, like in their workplace or a family event. In such circumstances, the woman knows that the pursuing man is traceable i.e., even if she refuses him NOW he will still be reached whenever she wants and she will still be able to detect him and hint that she will have changed her mind and really is interested. Then, another try on his behalf would likely to bear positive outcomes.

Credit: gifer.com

The interesting question remains why in the first place would the woman refuses a man she is interested in?

The answer brings us back to the opening position regarding the courting structure between the species: the man as the initiator and the woman as the responding party. In this structure, the woman knows that as long as she refuses the man she is in control, she holds the reins and grabs the power. This “hard to get” game, enables the woman to keep the competence, in a society that praises the battle of sexes. This perspective is founded on solid beliefs regarding the relations between the sexes, the inferior status of the woman to the man and the struggle between opposing forces in general. The factual situation is that many women, especially in the western world, are imprisoned in the all-encompassing of battles, fights, combats and inter-sexes imbalance.

It should be noted that there are women that do not participate consciously in the aforementioned social game and in the above-described situation would indeed accept with open arms the first courting act of the man they are interested in. Such a mature and powerful behavior should be praised; being the way of a master.

A prolonged dualistic process

The courting game, that is the man’s hunting after the woman, can easily last for a long period of time depending on the level of maturity of the persons. This festivity, like a child play, comprises in it the virtue of amusement between rival sides. While the man insists, pushes and passionately courting – being loyal to his part in the romantic game – the woman must take the stance of the “uninterested”, of the allegedly indifferent. The woman thinks that she must remain faithful to her moral values and her seemingly high prestige, and at the same time, she should remain sensitive and alert enough to the man’s gestures in order to react to his communications in order to encourage his courting.

If all that seems to you tedious, archaic and boring, you are correct.

In Part II, I will describe more elements of the courting game.

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