Miss. Opinionated : Chivalry, where art thou?
Knights in shining armour are a myth
Similarly, we've seen the sexual revolution change perceptions on gender roles in society, a movement which has empowered women to take charge of their sexuality enabling them to seek more equality in society. It's not perfect, and we're not there yet, but it is a welcome movement.
On the back of this struggle for equal footing, it seems as though dating behaviours and expectations have also changed. Nowadays, a woman can be proud of her independence and build a relationship based on emotional compatibility.
A woman no longer expects the man to be her long term meal ticket. She's got that covered. But what about chivalrous gestures? Just because a woman can now have financial independence and equal place in society, it doesn't mean that's an excuse for men to be less gentlemanly, or is it?
Let's take a look at some examples of the fading acts of Chivalry.
"You don't need to buy me flowers"
So, it's valentines day, and the lady has kindly suggested not to buy flowers for her because they wither and die and it ends up being a waste of money. You might think that's really thoughtful, but you would be daft to believe what she says. Even though flowers are indeed a perishable good, the gesture is worth so much more than anything else money can buy. There is no woman in the world who won't accept her favourite bouquet of flowers. Even if they're not her favourite, she'll love them any way. Yes, woman can be infuriatingly confusing with their signals, but this one is a no-brainer. Learn once and never fault again! |
The foreboding first date. Who pays?
Paying for the woman can be traced back to earlier notions of chivalry which themselves are rooted on male economic and social power. By treating women with elaborate regard and politeness, chivalry masked the fact that men dominated the public sphere and had social and economic power over women. In modern times , splitting the bill or going dutch is touted as the behaviour of the modern man. A man wouldn't want the woman to feel as though he owns her just because he pays right? Except, on the first date, a man really should pay his dues and not be afraid of being archaic. It's better than coming across as being cheap. Of course, a woman can always insist on paying her fair share and that is admirable but find a way to pay without her knowing. She'll appreciate the gesture and even more so because you've kept her sense of "doing the right thing" intact. |
Taking the girl home
You don't need a car to take a lady home, walking with her home is a fantastic way to wind down after the exciting first date. Of course, if that's not an option, then calling an Uber or a cab is absolutely fine too! What's surprising is more and more people seem to think calling a cab and sending the girl off on her own is ok and even the "right" thing to do! If an uber must be called, then atleast make sure the lady gets to her doorstep safe. Who knows, she might even invite you upstairs! |
Chivalry has it's place
Even though Chivalry has patriarchal roots, the fact that women have a more equal footing in today's society shouldn't inhibit the code of being a gentlemen. And, for most cases, acting chivalrous comes down to tiny gestures that amount to no real burden on the man. Whether it's gifting flowers, pulling out chairs or holding the door, good habits of gentlemen will never go out of style in the eyes of a woman.
Mainstream media likes to glorify males who tend to mistreat women and yet pass on the chivalric ones that don't make headlines. Just because certain kinds of behaviour may seem out-dated or not cool by mainstream media standards, it doesn't mean that they're not correct by societal standards. Don't let today's social norms dictate your behaviour.
Being chivalrous and a gentlemen is timeless.
Is this called "having your cake and eating it too"? :-)
Haha, well it might seem that way, but actually I think there are many arguments for women empowering men because of their social and economical rise in equality. It's just a matter of taking a look at the bigger picture instead of in these 'first date' situations.
I'm going to come up with a bot for handling first dates. I'll get a billion downloads.
Seems like you have first dates down to a science..
No, not at all. I'm the one who needs the bot worst of all! I can take over manually after the first date, no problem. :-)
When I should have been dating and learning social skills as a teenager and young man, I was off traveling and living in remote areas among strange (to me) cultures. The results have been a trade-off, believe me!
great buddy ,Ive done the same ,its a trade-ff really,i still think that I've done the right thing
I would love for you to buy me dinner sometime! lol
I can tell you exactly why men don't do the traditional things to try and court women or be polite that they used to, but you're possibly not going to like the reason.
"Mainstream media likes to glorify males who tend to mistreat women and yet pass on the chivalric ones that don't make headlines."
I would disagree with you that the media glorifies males who treat women like crap, I think it's far worse than that and they actually make it out that men like that are the norm. Not only that, the ones who forget worshipping women and putting them on a pedestal, just treat them nicely are all grouped together as being some kind of manipulative menace that's purely out to score sex with them.
I do wonder, have you ever actually asked a guy about this? I'm single, never had a girlfriend and I can tell you now that in my country in the UK at least I would actually consider it dangerous to try and hit on girls nowadays. To quote Dave Chapelle, chivalry is dead and women killed it, much of what women are dealing with on the dating scene seems to actually be self-inflicted because they refuse to trust men or are terrified of them because of what they've been taught about men when they were young.
Unfortunately, feminism has been responsible for this, a rising wave of utterly misandrist crazies who control the universities, various 'equality' groups, political lobbying and so on and they seem to have the specific goal of making women completely terrified of men and blame the invisible 'patriarchy' for all their problems.
The reason I bring this up is because even though you're talking about chivalry being a good thing ( Which Is a thing I don't mind by the way ) you seem to be using an awful lot of feminist style buzzwords in this piece which makes me wonder how much you really know about the political group.
Well put. I really believe this is the root cause. This third wave feminism is truly vindictive and in the long run it is hurting the happiness of women AND men.
Interesting view.
First and foremost, I am not a feminist, so I don't identify with that political group.
I am however in a society still catching up to the west so my views might be skewed slightly. However I did actually spend most of my time after turning into an adult in UK, and that is also where my experience on dating comes from as well.
I wasn't really aware of the media making out misogyny to be the norm, even so, women do to some extent assume that men are always out to score sex with them. And part of the untold reasoning behind actions of both sexes is down to the true currency in a relationship which isn't money at all, but sex itself.
It isn't even a piece about problems, rather one about shifting norms in dating. No one is blaming patriarchy for their problems, only identifying the roots of where chivalry came from.
Oh well that's great then, don't buy into that bullshit and keep on thinking for yourself, but yes, a lot of left leaning websites in particular and news organisations here in the UK push this narrative against men constantly, I was just wondering how aware you were of it. What happens is that even if people may not necessarily identify as a feminist they tend to absorb these kinds of viewpoints from popular culture or media and it's in these places these sorts of viewpoints are thriving.
It's interesting you mention your dating experiences were mainly in the UK, this might indicate why you've experienced the things you've had, like I said, recently at least, dating for single men has become an absolute minefield in this country. It's not just an issue of men getting rejected anymore, because of how biased the courts and police are against men due to feminist lobbying a man can end up getting into huge trouble just on a woman's word where she accuses him of assault or rape that can be all it takes and it can be done to men for the most petty of reasons.
So in response to this men will simply cut off any intimate contact with women because it's just not worth the risk, it will vary from area to area and among individuals as you'd expect don't get me wrong, but that's the general trend, especially in the west.
As for the scoring sex part, of course men are out to score sex with women, it's our biological imperative. It doesn't mean however that every decent action we take towards women means it's all about that though.
I would actually consider it dangerous to try and hit on girls nowadays.
Bingo.
I got lucky twice... but ....
Women are dangerous...best thing to do is stay the hell away from them.
Well I'm going to go and visit another country where there will be hopefully less crazies out there, or at the very least the girls are more honest, that's going to be my personal cure for all of this. I think that's what other guys should do too if they're really desperate to socialise.
It's quite remarkable to me just even on the internet talking to different people how the attitudes towards sex and relationships are different and varied and then I look back at the UK and I'm like "Nope" :P Hell even in America as a western country at least there's a good variety and you can usually tell the crazies apart, also thanks to the state system experiences are going to be vastly different depending on where you decide to go.
Japan has an interesting idea......they're just the one's to develope the tech too. Then what will the feminists do?
This is a touchy subject, and I will probably come across as harsh.
Men used to make the money (work) and women used to make the home.
Of course he paid for any dates. He was the one who made the money.
Not that making a home was any less valuable.
Men during that time were also investing heavily in their future by wining and dining a woman. He wanted to attract the best woman he could to create a family. This was basically his retirement plan.
Both of those are now dead. Of America's youth, women make more than men. (hiring quotas) And there is little advantage to having children, except that feeling of wanting to be a father. Even if you put great money and effort into getting a woman to marry you to start a family, she can leave with the kids at any moment. (And with women, their is no built up, emotional equity. A woman's mind is such that its about what can you do for me now.)
Holding the door for a woman... sounds nice right up until a woman yells at your for doing so, or makes a scene, or the worst, just stands there, in the way, neither going in or going out.
Chivalry has its counterpart, that of the woman being a lady. So, when women gave up that part, chivalry becomes pretty hollow.
And the stab in the heart for a chivalrous guy like me is such:
One of the best indicators that I have a good woman worthy of girl friend (and more) status, is that she pays her half of the dates.
Gold diggers, those in it for just the money, never want to help pay. And thus, (until they learn this trick) if you get a woman that actively pays for half of the date, she is not a gold digger.
Also, a woman who pays for her half of the date is usually financially stable. And this is a good sign that she is also of a stable character.
OMG! Just fell in love with your first photograph! <3 and Great post as always!
Thanks! Quick read!!
nice post keep it up.....
@sweetsssj followed
thanks dylan, miss opinionated makes weekly appearances!
very interesting, I will always follow your posts
thank you, much appreciated.
Upvote, anything that helps explain women to men is helpful.
Idea for next topic: Fine - Is it fine that I go out drinking with my buddies? Or is it FINE?
@sweetsssj
maybe we just want more than just flowers when we say don't buy me flowers - they wither, try hermes hahahaha
There are still men who are exercise chivalry and I hope you meet one who'd pamper you some day..
I have always held doors open for ladies, whether I was dating them or not and same thing with opening their car doors. For most of my female friends or girls I date.
It always amazed me the looks I get from them, they are usually shocked, especially the car door thing. It is most often told to me nobody in their life does that for them and they never see it.
Can I ask you to support this post?? It is to help Nolan our 15 year old witness everyone knows as - @theprophet0 - who needs a bit of help. I hope you do not mind this here, it is hard to message people privately esp. if time is of the essence.
TYIA and keep up the good work!!
https://steemit.com/steemit/@barrydutton/help-we-need-to-support-our-steemit-member-here-theprophet0-and-here-is-how-you-can-do-that-this-week-quickly
And I mentioned this today to @tatianamoroz also
Amen sister!
(: