Love in marriage

This is the sixth chapter of the marriage redefined which I started few weeks ago. To see previous series, please follow below link's.

series 1

series 2

series 3

series 4

series 5

This series shall focus on what I called "Love in Marriage".

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; Charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoice not in iniquity, but rejoice in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hope all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth...

      1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love needs and object towards which it may directs its attention, care and resources. Love gives and is therefore rewarded; the man is rewarded with a helpmate, the woman with someone to love her and provide her with security.

There are three types of love that must be practiced in Marriage. All three types are important for a happy marriage:

• Agape

• Phileo

• Eros

AGAPE

Behold, what mannaer of love the father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the son of God : therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.

              Roman's 5:8

Husbands, love your wife, even as Christ also love the Church, and gave himself for it.

              Ephesians 5:25

• "Agape" is normally described as the God-kind of love, which says, "I love you in spite of this issue". It is a willingness to accept the other person for who he or she is without expecting a change into "the ideal spouse" in shape, form, size, or intellect. This means that even if your spouse never reduces/increases in size or becomes better at any other area, you're still prepared to walk in love.

• It is unconditional. It does not love on the condition that then other partner is well-behaved. That is, the husband does not say that, "I will love her if she submits to me". Nor should the wife say, *"I will love and submit to him if only he can be a bit more loving according to the Bible.

• One must decide to love only and one's spouse and no other person.

• Agape love is sacrificial and therefore will go the extra mile to give time, attention gifts etc.

• This type of love has to be a conscious decision. You walk in love because the word of God commands you to love your spouse.

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

            Colossians 3:19

The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness... that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children.

                   Titus 2:3-4

• This type of love covers a multitude of sins and does not refer to a person's past sins and mistakes.

Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.

              Proverbs 10:12

• He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth separateth friends.

                 Proverbs 17:9
  

• The "Agape" kind of love trusts ("....believeth all things) and therefore is not suspicious of the other spouse's every move and associations. Your love must move you to a position of trust so that you do not relate to your spouse with suspicion; questioning motives and prejudging his/her actions in relation to the opposite sex.

PHILEO

Let brotherly continue.

              Hebrew 13:1

• This has to do with brotherly love. It is the sort of love that binds siblings.

• Brotherly love must also continue in Marriage.

• This aspect of love which provides friendship and respect must be present in the marriage.

• You must be able to chat with each other, play together, tease each other, etc

• Talk about your interests, eg. politics, etc.

• Be supportive of each other.

• Defend each other.

EROS

Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant toe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

           Proverb 5:19

• "Eros" is sexual love.

• Romance must be present in every marriage. It is not only for beloveds or newly weds per se. You must continue with things like having lunch/dinner together, taking walks, visiting people, etc.

Note that these three types of love must be present and working together all the time. One or two without the other(s) is incomplete and impracticable. They're mutually reinforcing.

• Marriage without AGAPE is chaotic and selfish and is usually full of quarrels.

• Marriage without PHILEO leads to a wicked husband or an unkind wife.

• Marriage with only EROS love usually has short-lived happiness.

• Marriage without EROS usually strains the relationship and leads to adultery.

All images are free to use from shutterstock.com

Thank you for taking time out to read this post.

Stay tuned for the next series.

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      Reference : Dag Heward