Real Talk #1 - My Fear Of Failing As A Writer (and other stuff)

in #realtalk2 years ago (edited)

real talk.png

I don't know how to start with this other than to tell you guys that this is something that I've been wanting to talk about for a very long time. But before we go any further, I just wanna clear out that this is going to be a little personal, if it wasn't obvious enough already.

I have been on Steemit for more than eight months now and as much as I love being a part of this wonderful community and being able to make money by doing something that I love, I still do have my days when I get nervous that someday I might have to give this up for a stable job.

I know it might not sound like a big deal, but to me, it genuinely is because this is the first time that I am actually doing something I love for a potential career. If you have read some of my previous articles, you know that I've always had issues trying to decide what I really want to become in life.

That's why this is so important to me. I know for a fact that I won't be able to count on Steemit as my only source of income in the near future, as for us minnows, Steemit is more like a side hustle than a real life-sustaining job.

To be honest,

Even though I'm very happy and content with what I have accomplished till now in my blogging journey, thanks to all the supporters (especially @firepower), I still can't help but think about how this will not be enough in the coming years.

I am already a lot less consistent these days because of college, exams, learning how to be an adult, and all that kind of stuff, which leads to being less socially active on the platform which basically means that you won't be able to maintain your audience, let alone make new one.

And that, honestly, scares me a little bit. I keep overthinking that if no one is going to read my articles, what's the point of writing them in the first place. I mean, a writer without his readers is like a teacher without his students.

On top of all that, if I'm lucky enough to actually land a job in the next few months, I can't say for sure, but there are chances that I might give more time there than to Steemit. My priorities will change eventually, even if I might not want them to at this point.

The Real Problem

That's where my fear kicks in. What if I start losing interest in Steemit simply because I'll be making more money from a "real job"? I don't want money to become my bigger priority, but then again, I also want to be independent and have my freedom from an early age so I can work on myself as a person.

This.. what do I call it? Dilemma? Yeah, dilemma. This dilemma has kept me on the edge of my seat for God knows how long. The reason why I want my independence so bad is because I know I won't be able to develop into my own adult self until I'm free to make my own decisions and mistakes.

I know I have potential, but I'm not yet able to make full use out of it, and I won't be able to either unless I'm truly on my own. I'm the youngest in my family and that's why I never needed to perform any adult activities or take any major responsibilities, which led to me not knowing jack shit about how to operate in this corporate world.

I couldn't learn all these things because I simply never needed to. My parents and my elder brother were always there to do my chores for me, and though my past idiotic self loved not having to do anything, my present self thinks of my past self as a total dumbass.

So, what can I do?

Honestly, at this point, I have no idea. There's so many things happening and so many things that are about to happen and between all this mess, I haven't been able to come up with anything to help my case.

I don't know if I need to be patient and let things fall into place, or force my way into getting what I want. I can't choose. Both the options seem ugly to me. I've talked about this to some people and their responses are pretty much what you would expect - motivating, but impractical.

I'm still trying, though. I don't know what things will turn out to be in the near future, but I don't wanna fall in the guilt of not trying. I'm still looking for jobs, gathering the courage to open up to my parents about what I want in life, slowly learning how to be an adult, and all that stuff.

I know this is a very long post and majority of people stopped reading half way through, but if you made it till the end, I couldn't be more thankful. Honestly, you guys are one of the main reasons why I love writing. Thanks for sticking around. Peace!





Hey, you have to earn a living. You sound like me 30 years ago -- he he. Yeah, keep writing. No matter what else you do in life, writing will always be an anchor, whether you make money at it or not. If you can make money at it, even better.

Lots of luck, my friend. I hope all your dreams come true.

Thank you so much!

Somehow, your comments always put a smile on my face. Your encouraging and reassuring words have always been one of my favourite things to read in the comment sections haha. And you're right. Writing is one of my most important outlets. I don't ever wanna give that up.

I can partially relate to this post. I never wrote in here for the rewards, I did it because I am passionate about writing. Although I still write for my real job and started a new online business, I barely have the time to post here. I wish I could do it more often than once a week, but it is hard. I did not lose my interest in here, it's just that there are not enough hours within a day to do everything that I like.
I don't think you will lose your love for writing if you get a job. It will always be there. ;0)

Of course I'm passionate about writing and it's a way bigger priority for me than money, but as a broke teen who wants to travel and become independent and work on himself, money has to be a factor.

I'm not gonna leave the platform and even if I do, I'll come back eventually. It's been kinda hard to concentrate on Steemit between all the mess and the changes happening in my life. I'm sure you can relate for when you were a teen entering adulthood. You try to control how things go, but in time, you come to realize that you can't control everything and somethings are bound to happen even if you don't want them to. That's just how life is.

Thanks for the awesome comment! :)

Very brave of you to open up like this
I feel your pain, and I've just written this week about being forced to give up my old job on medical grounds
I'm embracing it, and I'm sure you will too
I'll support your work as much as I can on here, but see from your wallet that making a living here isn't an option yet
I'm working hard on getting my work on the Kindle, and praying that pays off soon
If I can help you in any way there, feel free to reach out
Resteemed your post to hopefully attract a bit more suppoert to you

Thank you sooo much!

It's reassuring to see when people support each other like you did for me.
And you're right. Steemit isn't an option yet to earn a stable living, except maybe for the elite Steemians out here.

Thanks again for the resteem. I truly appreciate it. I'll be checking out your work too. You seem like a genuinely nice person :) Hope to see you around again soon!

Dear @ayushjalan,

You are right. This is not a "bread and butter" thing but more of a supplemental income and, I commend your honesty.

As for deciding what you wanted, just do what you enjoy and eventually, you'll reap some profit from it. Perhaps you are great in writing, then maybe an editor or a publisher will discover your work and offer you a job. Or, you can run affiliate programs for supplemental income.

The possibilities are endless but in order for these possibilities to reach you, you have to do your part. You have to work for it. YOu have to show dedication and focus.

Kind regards


The possibilities are endless but in order for these possibilities to reach you, you have to do your part.

That's true. Thanks for the ideas. As far as "doing what you enjoy" goes, my will alone won't be enough. Parental support is just as important.

Congratulations! Your post has been selected as a daily Steemit truffle! It is listed on rank 18 of all contributions awarded today. You can find the TOP DAILY TRUFFLE PICKS HERE.

I upvoted your contribution because to my mind your post is at least 5 SBD worth and should receive 161 votes. It's now up to the lovely Steemit community to make this come true.

I am TrufflePig, an Artificial Intelligence Bot that helps minnows and content curators using Machine Learning. If you are curious how I select content, you can find an explanation here!

Have a nice day and sincerely yours,

5 SBD, you say?

flips table
The world is unfair!

I am working professional making pretty good money. I take part in steem as much for what I can give to others as the fun I can have here on it. Just cause your blog might change to more game or just fun post doesn't mean you cant still be a part of steem. That is my take.

Sounds interesting! Perhaps I should experiment and participate more often.

Hello @ayushjalan, thank you for sharing this creative work! We just stopped by to say that you've been upvoted by the @creativecrypto magazine. The Creative Crypto is all about art on the blockchain and learning from creatives like you. Looking forward to crossing paths again soon. Steem on!

Thank you :D

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There are many ways to continue here on the SteemVerse while you sort out Real Life. A man's got to do what a man's go to do. And though we want it all, sometimes we just need to take a step back and make hard choices.
Keep you presence here while using DApps like Actifit and write a post once or twice a week or something that works for you.
Then revisit to see how you feel about the situation.
All the best with your future and hope you find a solution that makes you happy

Thank you so much for the advice :)