3 Tips for Taking Care of Love
Giving and receiving love can be low-level, easy and automatic to the point we stop paying attention. Love thrives under a tender gaze, but withers when it goes unseen. Why? Being loved and feeling loved are different. One happens unconsciously, without effort, and often in spite of our intentions. Feeling loved happens when we witness the giving over of love and it matches our need to receive it.
Feeling loved happens when we witness the giving over of love AND it matches our need to receive it.
Photo by Alejandra Quiroz on Unsplash
For example, when I see my husband do chores around the house, I feel very loved. My love language is receiving acts of service. Having tasks taken care of for me, whether I've asked or not, makes me feel safe, warm and cared for. It's like a hug or a mug of hot chocolate and a fire on a cold Winter's day.
My husband, however, is best able to see that he is being loved when he is given gifts. And not just random gifts; gifts that demonstrate knowledge of who he is, what he values and needs. For Christmas, I got him a leather jacket. A new Winter coat was long overdue. He appreciated the research I put in to finding the right coat for his body type. He also loved that I sent a note to his family suggesting they go in on a Lego set he'd been eyeing for a few months. He got that set and it told him that those around him who say they care about him are paying attention to who he is. It was a two-way witnessing that demonstrated he is loved.
Photo by grafxart photo on Unsplash
To prevent love going unseen and withering, try:
1. Asking your beloved what their love language is. You can find out more about love languages here.
2. Learning your own love language, and don't be afraid to share it.
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
3. Creating a reminder for yourself to do something to meet your partner's love language need weekly if not daily.
Remember, acts of kindness, service, gifts and so on need not be big. They only need to show you are paying attention to your beloved.
Oh! Don't forget to let your beloved know you see their acts of love and appreciate them. Being witnessed giving love is just as important as being witnessed receiving it. Keep the good feelings flowing.
Happy loving!
What is your love language?
Your post is very interesting and useful!
Hopefully the next post more interesting.
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
The greatest feeling comes from loving and bring loved, sometimes we are over weighed and sail away with anxieties of life that we tend to forget little ways to express love for our partners.
We should and always now and as long as we live show love to our partners. Its all abput give and take but we should also clamp down on our expectations
That's true about expectations. We have to communicate what we want, and that's a piece of setting expectations. We can't receive love if we don't even know how we need it (and therefore don't tell our partner what we need).
Which is why i seriously explained this in my article understanding your mate and also the advent of side chicks. Because most married people dont, they loose their partners to side chicks(male/female) who might understand better.
You could check it out later on my blog
I read those pieces! I think your ideas are interesting. It is so important to have an active, maintained bond with your partner.
Thanks so much i appreciate all of your work i have come across
The best way to prove our love and appreciation towards others is to make actions.
There are a lot of people who think saying things is enough, but if we want to sustain a relationship, taking proper action is key.
And if those actions aren’t based on what the other person likes, much better, just as you said.
I believe one big misstep people make is giving (through action) what they would like to receive. I may write on that next.
On one hand, I'm not a fan of the terminology "love language." Sounds too hippie for me.
On the other, it's probably one of the most important relationship factors that most aren't familiar with. There is nothing more frustrating to show love and not have the other person receive it (because they feel love differently than how you show it). It can often end up a dealbreaker in relationship and most people don't realize it.
I am actually also not the biggest fan of the terminology, but like you're saying, once the idea was introduced into my relationship I was much better able to understand why certain overtures weren't as satisfying as others.
Being loved is awesome. Love makes the world go round
It most certainly does! The deeper we love, the more love we create, in my opinion. There is a lot to be said for learning someone else's language.
The love languages changed my relationships with my children, especially, so much. It really helped to shift my thinking on a lot of parenting things for the better.
My husband and I still struggle with this at times, because his language is acts of service... and mine is more quality time/words. So his love language is my weakest area and mine is HIS weakest area.
We are still fine and all that, but man, it is easy to get complacent as we've been together for nearly 25 years. That's a lot of years to get into ruts as far as how we communicate with each other. And there is a whole new level now as we deal with a nearly empty nest and all of the relationship dynamics change yet again!
Great post!!!
That's really hard--when you have to stretch so far to speak your lover's language. Knowing this has also helped me with my children. It allows for much deeper connecting with all the beloveds in our life. I'm grateful to have this knowledge.
I'm glad to at least know why we struggle with it. It makes it easier to work on, whereas before, I would just tend to think that it was impossible and we weren't compatible at all.
LOVE, AMOR, AMOUR!!! in any language that you can say, it's awesome! thanks for your post!!!