Attrition and Intuition: Gaslighting and Other Psychological Warfare/Mischief

I have found myself thinking a lot of power dynamics lately. I am not referring to the oppressive kinds of power we see within large corporate structures or national governments (although arguably they could also apply to this discussion) but more so, our own individual sense of power and how that plays out within our social relationships. More concretely this inquiry, in its simplest form, looks something like this: the way others attempt (intentionally or unintentionally) to rob us of our personal power and erode our sense of autonomy and well-being.

The word attrition comes to mind as I think about some past experiences and conflicts that I have been trying to work my way though, resolve and most importantly forgive. Attrition is defined as a gradual weakening of someone or something through continued attacks or pressure. What do we do when these situations, to spite our best efforts and intentions, persist? I am pointing to and alluding to a problem called gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a manipulation technique used to deny a person’s reality in order to make them doubt their own perception or mistrust their own mind and intuition. I didn’t realize this was an actual thing until I experienced it over and over again for myself. It is a rather insidious and highly disorientating tactic as it makes the person being manipulated doubt their own intuition, their own mind and perception of events. The thing that often happens with gaslighting is that it is commingled with positive reinforcement so it becomes confusing to separate the harm from the appearance of support. Somehow in these exchanges and situations everything ends up being reduced to your own inadequacies: overthinking, sensitivity and a lack of understanding. Needless to say, the deflection of constant blame makes you start to feel a little crazy and herein lies the damage to the self and your own individual intuition. (See the provided links below to learn more about gaslighting).

I am still working my way through all the confusion and mistrust that occurred. It has taken me a lot of time to see this situation objectively and I have placed enormous boundaries up because of it. I guess I am sharing this so others become aware of this and don’t beat themselves up needlessly trying to improve and get along in a situation that most likely can and never will be, adequately resolved. The more you know and the better equipped you are to handle situations directly affects your quality of life so I hope others ( that might be experiencing this) can get some perspective and start on a path of healing. Additionally, I hope others can learn to adjust and be better with their personal boundaries as to mediate the harm with relationships that are ongoing and ones that cannot be terminated for whatever reasons or circumstances. Keep smiling and steeming!

http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/gaslighting-definition-techniques-and-being-gaslighted/
http://www.health.com/relationships/gaslighting-signs-solutions