Psychology Addict # 28 | Mindfulness - Acceptance, Awareness & Being Present
Mindfulness
There are three mental states which comprise the psychological process termed mindfulness, these are: acceptance,awareness and being present. In psychology, mindfulness is not a type of therapy per se. It is rather a way of approaching emotional struggles. Nowadays, humanistic psychologists and cognitive therapists are adopting it more and more, with the purpose of guiding clients through a different way of perceiving suffering.
This need - of changing people’s outlook on emotional-pain - emerged from the realisation that individuals in many societies (mainly in the west) live in an incessant search for happiness and emotional safety. Aspects that drive them towards an existence of craving what they don’t have, and grasping what they do have. Aspects that also propel people to seek approval, success and possessions; which in turn make them fear losing what they have and continuously compare themselves to others.
Origins
I trust that many of you know this realisation is not a new thing, as it was something Siddhārtha Gautama (the Buddha) became aware of when he, according to the story, left his sheltered, pampered life of a prince over 2,500 years ago. Outside the walls of the wealthy palace where he and his family lived in; as a young man, he saw for the first time things such as a woman crippled by old age and people incapacitated by bodily illnesses. After witnessing all this suffering he could no longer return to his old way of living. He then, through meditating 7 days under a tree, had an ‘awakening’ which brought him the understanding of the transitory nature of life, and of its inherit suffering.
Of course, the accuracy of this story may be called into question. Nonetheless, the message it conveys is one that addresses the very issues still seen nowadays: People try to protect themselves in their ‘palaces’ from the things they fear, where they also develop an ‘adoration’ for their achievements and a desire for more. This message also leads to the idea that lies at the core of the Buddha’s teachings, which is:
to live a life where we directly engage with suffering instead of trying to avoid itMindfulness delivers the means to this through its three main elements:
Acceptance
First of all, I would like you to recall the last time you felt sad or anxious. How did you approach that emotion? Did you try to distract yourself from it, or did you accepted it?
As I am writing this down I decided to embark on this moment of reflection with you: So, last time I felt low, I just went straight to my computer to get some work done while listening to some calming music. Not only that, whenever my frustration revisited my thoughts I criticized myself for feeling irritated.
Now, within the mindfulness mindset this only makes us feel worse. And the explanation as to why this is the case is a fascinating one, in my opinion. The logic behind this explains that whenever people are afflicted by anguish what they do is to focus on the gap that separates them from how they feel/are and how they would like to feel/be. This is a situation in which craving takes places: the craving for feeling (or being) the opposite of how they feel (or are).
How to address this
The way mindfulness addresses such distress is through acceptance. Using my case as an illustration (very easy in retrospect) this would have gone like this:
In order to not distract myself from my frustration, I would have taken a moment in which I fully acknowledged my stress : what caused it, how it made my body react and how it disrupted my emotions. From there I should have expanded my acknowledgment of that entire moment. How? By making a effort to tell myself that there was more to that moment than my anguish, by understanding that that moment was not defined only by my frustrations, but also by my breathing, my heart beat, the slight discomfort in my lower back, the moving trees that I could see through the window and so forth.
The idea behind this is that through accepting one’s difficult feelings and ‘giving’ them the space to exist as a component of the whole experience they don’t become overwhelming and one doesn’t feel entrapped by them.
Being Present
As I move on to the second element of mindfulness - being present – I realise that as I am typing these words, every now and then my thoughts drift away imagining what kind of images I am going to choose for this post “cartoon? Yes, I love using cartoons for my Steemit posts. It makes them less serious.” Also, I remembered that when I was making dinner yesterday I was also thinking of work. And now that I am reflecting on this, it feels as if I don’t spend much time fully in the present moment. Hum ...
Mindfulness, however, is a practice that requires us to bring ourselves to the present moment. But it doesn’t stop there, it also tells us why this alternative way of experiencing life has favourable outcomes. This is a notion that I find not only useful, but also quite smart; especially when dealing with sadness.
I have already pointed out the notion that people don’t always allow themselves to “feel their feelings” (the painful ones in particular). What they do instead is to elaborate stories to make sense of the feelings; with this, they inevitably bring a load of events from the past and even venture predicting the future. All that just to come up with an explanation that can help them to get rid of their pain.
I suppose a good example to illustrate this is the familiar scenario where a guy or girl is rejected by someone they have been dating for a while. You can imagine all the explanations they resort to in order to avoid the dilacerating rejection.
The way to deal with this
Mindfulness suggests an alternative way to this approach, and that is, ‘be with the pain’; because only through this one can fully comprehend it. Not the causes of it, but the pain itself: how it churns one’s stomach, how it makes one’s heart sink etc... in this way what once was a bitter sensation, becomes an unpleasant memory; which although still painful is something that you have faced and, therefore, is more familiar to you; which, in turn, makes it less frightening.
Awareness
The third element of mindfulness, awareness, enlightens us about the importance of returning to the present moment. As this is a notion that puts forward the concept that the more we fail to fully experience the present moment, the more we are carried out by those feelings that we suppress, by those automatic thoughts that keep coming back and sometimes drag us down to a path towards sadness and anxiety.
In other words, this tells us that through not attending to the present one can easily end up in a state of despair without quite knowing how one got there.
In short, it says that when people engage with whatever the present moment has to offer without attempting to avoid it, or get rid of it they ‘tune in’ and become ‘aware’ of themselves, and are, therefore, less carried away by damaging, negative thoughts.
Meditation
The aforementioned psychological processes (acceptance, being present and awareness) are not exactly easy for people to put into place. As it requires a certain level of alertness - about oneself as well as the present moment - that simply goes against the auto-pilot mode under which we function most of the time. Some psychologists, actually, consider this to be one of the limitations of mindfulness.
However, for those who actually are willing to apply the three elements of mindfulness to their lives; meditation delivers the means to make them a natural strategy for not only coping with difficult emotions, but also with fully engaging with those good moments in life that sometimes we are too distracted to notice.
My personal view of meditation, or mindfulness for that matter, is not aligned with any particular faith. Rather, I see it as a way to regulate the process of attention through focusing on something - either one’s breathing or a candle flame. But, there are several techniques’ available, and long-term practise meditation is associated with: less distress in the presence of pain, significant reductions in blood pressure and reduced levels of cortisol. This happens due to the change of activity in parts of the brain such as the pain matrix, the parasympathetic branch of the ANS (autonomic nervous system) and the pre-frontal cortex.
The more one practices meditation changes in connection patterns between neurons are expected to occur (this is an example of plasticity); also, less mental effort is involved. Therefore helping all the psychological processes we discussed before come more natural to us even in moments of frustration. Basically, helping them become our natural way of coping with emotional distress.
Criticism
Those who criticise mindfulness are mainly against the notion of acceptance. They argue that through encouraging people to remain in a given situation this idea stops them from fighting for change.
I disagree with this; particularly when I see this through the lens of mental-well being. Over and over again life throws at us situations that simply cannot be changed. For example, the loss of a loved one, or maybe even a break-up where there is no going back. What approach would you say is a healthier one for someone going through such experiences?
Personally, the only fight for change I would encourage here is that of how one deals with a particular kind of distress. Through the conscious effort of understanding that either sadness or fear is only part of one’s entire moment and existence, that pain becomes less overwhelming indeed.
[Original Content by Abigail Dantes - 2018]
Reference list:
Hayes, S. (2005) Get out of your mind and into your life, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.
Lutz, A., Slagter, H.A., Dunne, J.D. and Davidson, R.J (2008) ‘Cognitive-emotional interactions – attention regulation and monitoring in meditation’, Trends in Cognitive Science, vol. 12, pp 163-9.
Newberg, A.B. and Iversen, J. (2003) ‘The neural basis of the complex mental task of meditation: neurotransmitter and neurochemical considerations’, Medical Hipotheses, vol. 61, pp 282-91.
Schneider, R.H., Staggers, F., Alexander, C.N., Sherpard, W. Rainforth, M., Kondwani, K. Et al. (1995) ‘A randomized controlled trial of stress reduction for hypertension in older African Americans’, Hypertension, vol. 26, pp 820-7.
Dear Reader,
This week I have some homework for you 😊
I would like you to please time three minutes on your alarm clock, sit comfortably, close your eyes; then, try to focus on your breathing. Whenever your thoughts drift away bring them back to your breathing pattern. It is very likely that this will be what the whole three minutes will be about. But it will still be a good way of exercising focus.
Now, how would you describe that experience? Did the three minutes last forever? Or, were you so engrossed in the moment that, next thing, your alarm went off!?
I am really curious to hear how you did!
As always, thank you so much for reading my post. It means the world to me 💓
It is really nice to read clever post about mindfulness. It is very important in our life and it is always about balance! I do not like the bad PR that mindfulness has today- it is because of people who made product from it. They all miss the main point in the whole idea, I think. Returning to the present moment is for me the clue for human being. We usually forget about it. Thanks for posting this. It gives me hope that people will undestand someday how important topic it is!
I also agree with your statement about acceptace. Only acceptance can lead us to Change. We really need to know what we need to change. I do not like pushing People to change something. Sometimes healthy acceptance solves the problem.
From my perspective acceptance is the begining of the journey in diffrent cases. Recently, I wrote about Gender dysphoria and I see that acceptance of the state of affairs is the beginning for hormonal therapy and psychotherapy. Living in denial makes patient suffer, sometimes without knowing the reason for his suffering. Acceptance (very painful) brings a new beginning and allows to move in a new direction - it is important not only in mindfulness.
Nowadays, people try to convince themselves that they can do anything. For those less conscious, believing in this brings an unbounded amount of suffering. Accepting that you can not do everything, lets see how much you can. "everything" This is a vague, meaningless concept in this case.
I firstly encountered zen meditation then I learn about mindfulness which originates from it. There is also some critique of mindfulness from Buddhists community. Mainly that it's used often to "become happy" or "become a better worker" and that it's deprived of and, actually, sometimes used in a completely contradiction of the original source with it's ethics and morality. If someone uses mindfulness to be a mindful jerk or a mindful tyrannical boss - I don't want meditation to serve such goals. Another thing is that for example beeing present may be used as an escape of thinking about your problems "ok, I'll just focus on my breath/washing dishes/etc".
I personally don't know what to think about this. I think mindfulness could be great, but it should be thought pretty careful and by very well trained people. I also think that it should not be sold as "happiness pill" or anything like that. Even Buddhists say that meditation is not really for everyone and sometimes it can even cause mental problems (e.g. for schizophrenics). You can discover pretty nasty things about youself, life or world while meditating. If you meditate for 20 minutes a day and then you come back to work, wandering about useless stuff it's not enough. This business thing is also quite sleazy and seems to suffer many pathologies. "Evidence is also emerging of underqualified teachers presenting themselves as mindfulness experts", some of them may have even more life problems than the participants, but hey, they finished five-months paid course so they are "entitled" to teach mindfulness. I think that's a very bad way to spread meditation. In buddhist societies, you have to have a really balanced life & healthy, settled mind to become a teacher and it takes years to become one. It's also free in most zen societies to learn meditation and take part in meditating sessions (most of participants pay small donation, but they are usually volountary).
Despite doubts, I think it's still good that zen meditation somehow transplanted to western culture. You may even say that mindfulness is some kind of "novajana" since, buddhism transplanted to different cultures always merged with them, so that now it merged with western, rational and secular way of thinking.
Two comments. I was saying this earlier this week about Steve Jobs. Says he gained a lot from mindfulness but he used it for his own selfish purposes and was known to be an asshole. The second comment is that in terms of spreading the knowledge of these practices this is why I go to places that practice dhana which means "generosity" or "donation-based." I do not feel comfortable with all the boutique places that are springing up everywhere they are very exclusive. And don't even get me started on yoga :)
If I recall correctly, Mr. Jobs, upon his deathbed, lamented the fact that he had misused his talents and knowledge, and had missed the mark entirely. He regretted he had neglected the most important of all things: to love more fully.
Did you read this in a book or was it in the movie, or any other source you could point me to I would like to read/watch whatever. I didn't see the movie.
I caught it online one day, probably about a year ago. I'll see if I can find it. If so I'll bring it to your attention.
Well, apparently he didn't say those things. I just found it in snoops. Link attached. Bummer.https://www.snopes.com/steve-jobs-deathbed-speech/
Thank you for looking. In any case, got me curious to see the film now :)
You good coment
Thank you so much for this comment @smashedturtle :)
I was particularly drawn to the part you say people convince themselves they can do anything. I would love to hear more about what you have to say on this particular subject. Do you mean this is something stops people from accepting who they are?
I believe that there is a fine line on this sort of approach; and finding that balance between understanding our own limitations and accepting them without feeling down about them is definitely where the challenge is.
I really appreciate you taking the time to share your reflection with us. I will definitely check your post on gender dysphoria.
All the best!
What I mean is that people tell themselves that they can do anything because of ta i things.
That is why we have people in social media who post a lot of food, gym, free time. Sometimes The content shouts: look I do everything and everything is sooo special when I am doing this.
I think we ( humans ) should learn more about ourselves and accept it. Limitations give us shape! And it is very beautiful.
Thanks. I try to write about sexology more often. New post is coming. I find it necessary to talk about this. It helps to open mind in very diffrent ways
Oh! What a beautiful insight @smashedturtle :)
Thank you for taking the time to draw our attention to this. There is so much true in what you just said :)
I am following you.
Best.
This sounds exactly like what Thich Nhat Hanh says about investigating our pain so we can apply the correct remedy.
wow.. great article, thankyou
Thank you, Abby. My old friend would say, "This is real something". First of all, the way I am so aware of my feelings all the time, I often wonder if I am not a nut case. I am always watching my emotions very closely. Perhaps it is for that reason that I am always in a hurry to get back to happiness whenever I leave it even for a moment. But I was not always like that. When I was younger, I spent most of my life in a form of sleep, allowing events of my life just pass as a continuous collage without paying attention and without any exertion from myself. But losing a couple of loved ones seemed to wake me up. But that was not the kind of awakening I needed. My thoughts were completely sad. I am the kind of person that liked rationalizing things so this rationalization helped me to make peace with their loss.
When I achieved that, I deliberately replaced thoughts of sadness with thoughts of the incredible quality times I spent with them and how we could not have made better use of our time together like we did. With time, I was able to smile whenever I thought of them. This does not have anything to do with your post but the point is that I learned acceptance and the process never left me. Whenever I feel sad, I try to ascertain the reason I am sad. Did I mess up? Did someone else mess up? So why do I feel bad about it? Most times, what it takes is for me to take full responsibility for the events that led to my sadness, accept the sadness as a consequence of my actions and inaction, forgive the other party and let it go. This technique has worked wonders for me.
For instance, there was a time I had a bad breakup and there was nothing I could do to move on from the hurt I had received from the other person. I kept playing it over my mind how I did not deserve the way I had been treated and how I deserved more until I came across an article that said I was responsible for myself and my happiness, therefore if someone else made me sad, it was my fault and that I should swallow that bitter pill, take full responsibility and forgive myself, then forgive the other person and wish them well. As soon as I did these things, I felt much better than I had felt in months. It appears that I am determined to plague you with things that are unrelated to your post today but you are my friend and you have to take it.
As I said in a comment somewhere, true suffering is just immediate craving for things that we cannot have now. As you said, this craving is a disease that is endemic to modern life. There is constant craving for bigger cars, bigger houses, making good grades, getting a good job, meeting sales target, surpassing sales target. As Shawn Achor (Yes I love that guy) said,
In my opinion, this is the major reason why we find it difficult to be present. I like that your drifting mind is just because of little things like where to find cartoon for your steemit post. Most people are never in the present and their thoughts are on things they have no control over. I have difficulty in being present too. Attempt to do the meditation exercise you gave felt like forever and my mind kept drifting from my heartbeat to the stuff I need to write on steemit, to what I should eat for dinner and many other trivial things. I am certain that I need to improve on being present. I should have been better at it because my mom always told me.
Finally, let me just say that I agree with you that acceptance does not equate staying in one place. Acceptance, in my opinion would enable a person to move on from a painful experience.
I looked forward to your post and you did not disappoint. I can't guarantee that the thoughts in my comment will make any sense to you but they are my thoughts. Thanks, Abby.
I am not quite sure why you say that my dear @churchboy. Actually, I am very grateful that you have, once more, contributed for this debate with this topic. Lately, I have been approached by quite a few people who have both been through a break up and lost a loved one and are struggling to move on. You see, they just don't want to accept the situation!
What you said is so true. One just needs that moment of realization; but, I just feel that to get there one needs to step back from feeling so bitter about everything. Also like you said, one has to take responsibility for their own feelings. And one of the reasons I love your comment so much is because you are sharing with us your own experience while also being honest that it was not exactly easy, but that you were brave enough to go through the difficult phase in order to achieve peace.
Like when you said :
This is so realistic, and I am sure everyone reading your words can related to this state of mind. However, it is hopeful and you have kindly told others here that their pain is not going to last forever. Even when they decide to face it!
I am so grateful to you for taking the time to do the homework. That is something I try to engage with everyday. On days when I feel inspired I even try 5 minutes. Of course, those who are expert on meditation and adopt it as part of a faith would not say this is enough. However, from a neuropsychological point of view it is an invaluable exercise for the brain to practice focus and attention. I think this is also useful in life because it aids us to tune in also to the good moments. I see that when one is aware of the good moments when the bad ones come along they seem more manageable.
I am very glad to hear your opinion about acceptance. Because it is just like everything in life isn't it? It requires balance. Of course one can not just simply accept everything, but fighting against what can be changed can only be detrimental to one's psychological well-being.
Ohh ... I am so happy to hear you liked this post. Your support and opinion are truly important to me and I just hope you know that! I don't know if you saw my reply to your comment. But, just to let you know I post every Friday around midday Portugal time, ok??
Lots of love to you always my dear :)
Thank you, dear Abby for saying that what I narrated is related to the topic at hand. You see, I'm not an expert in this field so, when I read about certain concepts, I try to understand what it is about me and my struggles that relate to it and then make my contribution from that angle.
Yes, acceptance is hard but I think suffering is harder. Instead of suffering about something for which you have no control over, I think it is better to accept it and find a way to let the good things in ones life overflow and subdue the bad.
I appreciate your personal angle of looking at this issue. It is easy to tell that you are constantly in search of how best to help the people who come to you for help. I am sure it takes a lot of listening and patience to figure out how best to help them and you have plenty of those, my dear so I'm sure you're doing one hell of a job.
Oh yes, I did read your comment and it made me smile. I will be looking forward to your post every Friday. More than the contribution I make, it helps we put a searchlight on my own feelings and emotions about the difficult times in my life and what exactly I did or did not do to get out of them.
You're appreciated beyond the measure of words. Keep being you. Talk to you later. ❤️
❤️
It's been way too long since I've done anything like this or anything similar to really sit back and take time for - and focus on - myself.
And why am I commenting BEFORE I've done it?
Because I want to tell you that it shows. I've been looking for a reason for quite some time now, and yet you tell me it's been right in front of me all this time.
I've been having trouble sleeping lately - tumbling around in bed until 3 am or later, then waking up at 5:40 am, been feeling tired all the time, unsocial, .... .... basically I've been feeling down in just about every sense.
The funny thing is, if you take 10 minutes - hell, even if you take an hour and go for a relaxing walk (I prefer walking to sitting meditation) - you actually end up feeling like there are more hours left of the day, not less.
And not only do you "magically create more time out of thin air", you also feel more energized and focused when you do come back to "reality".
The more I type this the more I'm recognizing the importance myself - for the second time, hheh...
I've been stuck in a loop of endless procrastination for the past few weeks (which some may have ntoiced on my blog - no new content aside of 5 minute freewrites), where I wanted to be very productive, was feeling guilty for doing nothing, but at the same time couldn't muster enough energy to actually do anything, and so was/am stuck in this vicious cycle of ... self-loathing for doing nothing and at the same time trying to overdo everything... And so I end up feeling completely overwhelmed with even the simplest of tasks...
Before this turns into a too introspective comment, I'll conclude it by saying:
Please take your time to sit down and "have a talk" with yourself. Time you spend bettering yourself is never wasted time. And you should never feel bad for taking that time for yourself. You are your most important asset - and everything you've got at the end of the day.
It's something I need to tell myself everyday also.
Hopefully this comment also answers why I haven't posted what I told you I would, @abigail-dantes. Sorry about that. :|
Now if you'll excuse me.... I have some meditating to do. :D
Edit: my former edit just.. vanished? so I will reply to myself.
Ahahahahah - This is so honest & funny :) (Loved it!).
I am very fond of walks too @svashta. I got to a point in my life where I cannot go without it anymore. Specially because I have trouble sleeping - I have always had. Of course, I only go for light walks, which allows me to think things through and put things in order in my head. The way I truly meditated is doing Yoga, as I find myself completely engrossed with the flow and asanas. This way I find I turn off from the outside world even more than when I try to meditate in the traditional way - to be honest, I am not very good at that!
In the paragraph where you described you currently find yourself enclosed in this cycle of wanting to do things and not doing them reminds me of the concept that discusses those situations in life when we focus on the gap that separates us from how we fell and how we would like to feel. I suppose this is that moment when accepting one's current state of mind and facing it will inevitably set us in motion to move forward.
You always finish your comments in great style @svashta. I hope that (your) message has touched you in the same way it has touched me. Take your time and look after yourself! You are a very talented, clever person. I will be waiting for that post and read it eagerly whenever you are ready to get on with it. But, perhaps, maybe you need to put a few little things in order first :)
I am looking forward to hear how you got on with that breathing exercise! Today, I did mine in the morning. 3 minutes. I struggled a little. But, now, after reading your comment. I feel I should do it again in the evening.
All the best to you always :)
I, too, have become dependant on these long walks that - exactly as you said - allow me to put things in order. And also have never been very good at "traditional meditation".
Hmmm. I never tried yoga. But since all else you say about yourself I can easily identify myself in.... perhaps I should give it a shot. The worst that can happen is becoming more flexible :p
Yes. It is exactly that. And because I didn't face it - and didn't allow myself any me-time, I was struggling hard.
Thank you very much!
To be quite honest, I also try my best to, and I'm very happy to see it shows. :3
And also thank you very much for all the other kind words that made me feel all fuzzy inside.
And your understanding, of course. It means a lot to me.
And starting right now (actually already started 10 minutes ago. :p) I am doing something I've been dreading and postponing for a long time now. And honestly? It's not that bad once you get at it :P And if I do a tenth, or a fifth of it while also having fun, it still beats having done nothing and being stressed the entire time, right? :D So your words - and mine - did indeed touch me in all the right places :P
As mentioned in my reply to myself, my mind kept wandering to how I never truly commented on your post, because I only commented on the very end of it (the breathing exercise)... Then when I managed to isolate those thoughts, I kept feeling bad because I didn't deliver the post I've promised you. When I managed to get rid of that - a string of hope sprouted as I began to think what my post could be about. Then I began feeling uneasy, my left buttcheek was apparently feeling a little too crumpled, and so I kept thinking whether or not I should reposition myself or not... Before I could fully decide, the timer went off and the three minutes have past.
I will definitely be giving it another go today! Especially since I can't really go out for a walk in this weather. Hopefully you're luckier there and can have a walk yourself ;D If so, have a stretch for me also, please :P
Thanks for the well written post about mindfulness. I have used mindfulness as part of my own treatment and have found it quite effective at helping me to deal with anxiety and depression where other methods have failed.
When I first starting with the breathing exercises there was no way I could do it for three minutes because the thoughts were too intense. Furthermore, my brain would twist the breathing in a horrible manner so I would have to stop.
What I found helpful though is the idea of staying in the present. That is, focusing on what is and not what was or what will be. Overall I think mindfulness is a very useful treatment and I don't buy the criticism of the acceptance part because when you deal with intrusive thoughts you can't really change them. In fact the act of trying to change them often leads to them getting worse over time. I think it is important to accept them and the fact they can't be changed and then stay in the present by moving on with what is important. This is of course easier said than done.
Hello Tim :)
Yes, good point! Acceptance is also a means to deal with intrusive thoughts. I should have thought of that!
Thank you for taking the time to do the exercise and provide your feedback! I think so far I only read one comment saying they actually felt relaxed and peaceful. All the others, mainly reported anxious thoughts.
Although this is a focus exercise I make the effort to fit in in my daily schedule, I find that I can only truly turn off while doing my Yoga and, depending on the material, while studying. As for you, I believe that is when you play your instruments right?
I am glad to hear you liked the post.
All the best to you always.
I wish I could turn off while playing an instrument, but it just isn't the case. At one point I couldn't even play an instrument because I had too many thoughts about catastrophic things happening because of it. I have gotten to the point where I can play but some of the thoughts are still there. I just try to accept them now and continue on.
For me the most useful task is something that requires a lot of mental power to accomplish. Of course playing an instrument requires this but for some reason it has been a struggle. I have found that doing things such as writing music and working on complex mathematics work better for me. Although I have also had problems in the past with destroying things I have created and starting over because they aren't good enough or they have become contaminated by horrible thoughts.
I remember once you said you got rid of all your composition work because of your invasive thoughts (the equivalent of 5 years - if I am not mistaken).
I am definitely noting this down - the approach to accepting uninvited thoughts as a means to better live with them. Now, after your account, it makes sense to me.
Writing can be very engrossing indeed! And I am not even talking about writing music. Well, this is something I find truly beautiful and I also find you a very fine composer Tim.
Best :)
Yes, that is correct and it was some of my best work that I spent hundreds of hours on.
I am not good at accepting compliments because I am extremely perfectionistic and self critical. To me everything I have put on Steemit is garbage. But I am trying to work on that and not remove any of them. Thank you for all the support.
Keep going on the psychology posts. I find them very interesting and a good refresher of things I have learned while in therapy.
:)
I'm definitely acceptance-avoidant. One of the big ways I and probably many other people distract themselves from suffering is to eat. But the example you give from your own experience is helpful. Accepting the situation and the emotions that accompany it might help alleviate those food cravings, which might be a projection of the cravings you described (for what we don't have) onto food. Hm. A lot to think about, as usual Abigail! Great discussion!
Than you @geke :)
I am very pleased you liked this topic. Your input is invaluable and it means a lot to me! I agree with your view of projecting the craving onto food, shopping, drinking
Out of the three elements of mindfulness, acceptance is definitely the trickiest one! I can successfully apply it sometimes; but, other times ... oh, well ! Still, this is something I keep in mind whatever distress I am going trough. As I just love the idea of accepting the difficult emotion, but from there ... expanding your experience and understanding that the distress is just part of that entire moment. It has surely, helped me to put things into perspective in the past :)
All the best to you my dear.
Thank you @abigail-dantes for this insightful revelations.
First thing first, I wish to know if it's alright for me as a teacher to assess a new student coming into my class using the Three Mental States (Acceptance, Awareness and Being Present). Also, can I assess the students in my class at the end of the term or academy sesssion using the Three Mental States?
Secondly, what do you think about me incorporating the homework you gave as a routine after the class entrance rituals? The homework was really helpful to me, so I think my students and probably, the whole students in my school could as well benefit more by participating in this daily routine.
Thank you in anticipation of your quick response.
I am @isaaceko.
Hello @isaaceko,
Thank you for stopping b and taking the time to read and comment. I would like to let you know that I am by no means an expert in mindfulness, I even have trouble applying to my daily life myself! Even though, I don't think one should be "assessed"in the acceptance, awareness and being present. In my opinion, this would defeat the object of what this approach to life is all about. I would say that sharing this information with your students would be a great thing for you to do; but, as for assessing them on it ... perhaps not.
ps: I wish I had a teacher like you when I was younger! :)
As for the idea of incorporating the homework I shared here with all of you with your students - again, what a great, thoughtful teacher you are - I would apply it as a ritual, but rather as a daily exercise to improve their focus and attention. After all there are no side effects here. The worse it can happen is for them to follow asleep :D
A way to avoid this, though, would be for you to do together with them.
You would time the 3 minutes and would say:
"Everyone, now, close your eyes .... calmly inhale ... and exhale .... inhale ... in a nice calm voice."
This could be so much fun!! :D
These are truly lucky kids for having someone as mindful as you as their teacher!
All the best to you.
Thank you for the reply amidst the long lines of comments from your addict readers.
Guess what? I just joined them. I will always be the first to read your post. I wish there is an application that can alert me of your next post.
I made my family do the homework with me today and they won't stop talking about it.
I think of you as a great teacher @abigail-dantes
Cheers!
I am @isaaceko
That’s very nice to hear @isaaceko. You made my morning with your kind comment. I post every Friday. Just to let you know. Have a wonderful week and all the best to you and to your family :)
Great! I will be there to learn and to cheer you all along @abigail-dantes
As I have told you already, I'm a little late with reading and responding with all my attention... just imagine, you had published your post in a magazine or newspaper and now my (paper) letter finally gets into your mail box ;-)
When I saw your headline, I got really excited, because it looked like a very interesting subject and I knew you would present it in an eye opening and inspiring way.
As usual, my head was spinning a bit with all kinds of thoughts, some of them contradicting and a concern, that I might be dealing with things completely wrong...
As I read through the paragraph "Origins", memories are awakened. Of a night on a train, when my girlfriend had given me Hermann Hesse's book "Siddhartha" and I read it overnight. Just to learn later on in your text, that maybe the mind shouldn't be wandering like that...
Then when you ask your question,
I realized again, how very privileged I am. The things that may "bother" me are not even worth mentioning in the end. They can mostly be dealt with, with a decent amount of patience and the rest is the way it is.
And then it seems, my strategy of "stress relief" doesn't seem so good after all... but maybe only at first sight. I told you, how I'd do something simple and how it would help me feeling better. It all started, when my mother told me the supposedly Arabian saying: "When you feel bad, go do the dishes". Ok, I might choose to do something different and now that I think about it, its not so much to seek distraction, it must be something else.
In fact, that is something that seemed nonlogical to me so far about this method, but now it makes sense. With a simple task, the mind is not really distracted from the "problem"... I mean, of course, you can do the dishes and still have your thoughts focused on what makes you feel bad. But maybe it really is a kind of meditation and by just watching your hands do their job, it might work the same way as focusing on your breath, like you suggest in the end (?)
It helps me calm down and get a different perspective. So, the way I would like to describe the effect is, that its not so much about avoiding the "pain" but more or less dissolving it...
One reason, why I feel privileged is my job. The fact, that I can support myself as an artist and of course the kind of work I do and how I do it. I spend days going by in literally no time at all, when I'm in the flow of creating my artworks. You really are fully in the present at any given moment...
I know the results of your homework without even doing it now, because it is something I experience all the time. When I paint, I loose all track of time. I could set the alarm at one hour and still be surprised when it goes off. In aikido, we sit for several minutes before the training and it is pretty much the same thing. And when I want to consciously "empty" my mind, I simply focus on "what thought will come next?".
And now, with your words still floating through my mind, I'm going to go down to my favorite café, with a big smile on my face 😊
Hello my Dear :)
I am very glad that in this sentence you put "I might" , because this tells me you are evaluating your own coping strategies. I would not like to think that my readers think that what I present here is the right way of doing things :) Please always keep this is mind, this is a space where I deliver various psychological approaches to dealing with emotional distress; some people will identify more with a certain approach, others with another. Or even better, we all identify with some parts of each one! This is my case, by the way, I like and dislike all psychological approaches.
And to be honest, someone who has the sort of reflection that I am going to quote below, seems to have already in place the most effective way of dealing with their own stress:
But, of course, even though you have found your own efficient way of dealing with your daily stress you are also aware that we are all in the making, always learning. That is why you come here and dissect my content and raise many interesting questions :)
And of course, in psychology, meditation is all about focus and attention. So, yes, whether you are washing your hands, brushing your teeth or even eating; paying attention to, let's say, the running water, the movements of your hands etc ... that is meditation. You, I believe, meditate every time you embark on a project, I can only imaging how meditative your job is. This is one of the reasons why you are so full of gratitude, love and contentment :)
All the best to you and to your family.
I wish you all a wonderful week :)
I actually practice meditation. Only 10 min a day, but it's something. I also do it outside in the sun so as to get some vitamin D while I'm at it! Nothing better than passive multitasking lol!
The reason I started it - although I'm a skeptic about everything - is because of all the research coming out that it's healthy, and to me specifically the clincher was that it makes you 10% smarter! (among other things, like 10% happier etc.)
I'm also a long-time student of Buddhism, which I find the most fascinating religion in the world, the reason being that a large part of it is pure philosophy, with great insights. And I suspect Buddhism is only going to get bigger. I see more and more people discovering it and becoming fascinated with it. If it were a cryptocurrency, I'd definitely invest on it! :P
Ahahahah Aahahahah
I love the multitasking part AND the Buddah crypto!
Ahahahah
Now you made me think more seriously about it. I mean, so many worthless coins out there, why not one more?
What's gonna be our 3-letter symbol?
The blockchain BUDdha?
MEDitation coin?
NIRvana?
NOBle truth coin?
Is your husband a programmer? I only want 10% of the coin supply. I'm not a greedy person. In fact, according to Buddhism, I'm not a person period.
SELfless coin?
I like NOBle truth coin! He is going to start mining it and then we will offer an ICO :P
SELfless coin sounds good to me! :)
😃