Ambition (Prose / Poem)
The Page, so small, so sharp. The Page cuts you.
The Knight and the Knife, both start silent.
Jack. Jack the deceiver. Jack the Giant Slayer; Jack the Father Killer.
The Queen of Hearts. Three swords She wields.
The King, so old. The King, he can climb no higher, only die can he.
And the Moon watches All.
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You're right, this image did flesh out the piece quite well! I wish I were better at poetry. I try to follow Moe's advice but I don't poetry well lol. I love "The Knight and the Knife, both start silent." What a clever and ominous double entendre :)
Well, seems to me like you'd make a perfect student for Impact Feedback for poetry, because how you feel about the piece, or how it made you feel, is probably more important once the piece is published than just technical analysis.
And thank you, as opposed to the Page one which I commented on with @geke, that's the one I feel cleverest about, heh. The piece's original name was "Evolution," but I decided "Ambition" just fits better :3
You should write a book for children,
While this post is not suitable for children,
But the shape of your writing is very appropriate.
You make a lot of descriptions and it's lovely.
Thank you, but if you take a look at my poetry, while it is all indeed full of imagery, I'm not quite sure any of it is really fitting for children. At least not if you ask their parents, though they might quite like it. I also need to work on longer fiction/prose, my longer pieces are all non-fiction essays.
@techslut noted that you've basically compared me to Neil Gaiman :D
I wrote that it was not for the children,
But it seems that you can write for children
Neil Gaiman, really? :)
Well, all my writing is this style.
And blame @techslut :P
Guy, you are so talented with the poetic verse.
<3
The world should see your poem tomorrow. Then I'll take the accolades.
<3
Oh my!
the page cuts you
nice, and too true
That's the reference that makes me feel silliest, talking about page cuts. But boy, do they sting.
Hello there! Thought i'd take a moment to drop by and provide some feedback on this piece.
It's definitely and interesting poem. The choppy nature lends itself to a brisk reading. While I see that you based this poem off of the image, I feel as though there's something missing. I understand that poetry is the art of being concise, but I'm afraid that it's too concise.
I'd like to see this expanded. You've already defined the characters rather well. It'd be interesting if you turned this into a clearer narrative and fleshed out the story behind your poem. That way readers could connect the dots.
The piece wasn't at all based off of that image. I added this image, and changed the piece's name from "Evolution" to "Ambition" for this post to help people understand both its theme and its numerous references.
Each line is an entire story. To tell that story is the novel's job. I feel you've missed the intent of this piece a tad, both thematically (the last line serves a purpose here), and in terms of structure. But I do appreciate that you'd like to read more of the story. You could write that story as well, and I'd love reading it :) I find that I lend myself more to shorter pieces and micro-fictions.
It would appear as though I certainly did! I think I was tricked by the continuity between the first and second stanzas that my brain created.
© Guy Shalev 2003.