Hello there! Thought i'd take a moment to drop by and provide some feedback on this piece.
It's definitely and interesting poem. The choppy nature lends itself to a brisk reading. While I see that you based this poem off of the image, I feel as though there's something missing. I understand that poetry is the art of being concise, but I'm afraid that it's too concise.
I'd like to see this expanded. You've already defined the characters rather well. It'd be interesting if you turned this into a clearer narrative and fleshed out the story behind your poem. That way readers could connect the dots.
The piece wasn't at all based off of that image. I added this image, and changed the piece's name from "Evolution" to "Ambition" for this post to help people understand both its theme and its numerous references.
Each line is an entire story. To tell that story is the novel's job. I feel you've missed the intent of this piece a tad, both thematically (the last line serves a purpose here), and in terms of structure. But I do appreciate that you'd like to read more of the story. You could write that story as well, and I'd love reading it :) I find that I lend myself more to shorter pieces and micro-fictions.
It would appear as though I certainly did! I think I was tricked by the continuity between the first and second stanzas that my brain created.