My Suicide Note - I Wonder Why

in #poem7 years ago (edited)

I sit alone and wonder why
I wonder why I always cry
I listen to my sobs and I wipe away my tears
I hate myself for where I am after all these years

The tears flow so effortlessly
As if it is so natural

This world is full of hate
Nothing seems to give
"God please hear my prayers. God what is my fate?
God please give me answer as to why I should still live"

I listen to my heartbeat and I wipe away my tears

God doesn't give me answers
Why do I think he would?
I sit alone and wonder why my life is never good
What is the point in living?
What is the point in trying?
Everyday that i'm still living, I wish that I was dying

Something's gotta give
Something's gotta change

I sit alone and wonder why
I wonder why I always cry

I listen to my heartbeat and it starts to race
I listen to my sobs, start to pick up pace
I sit alone in this room
The room starts to spin
No matter what I do
I will never win

I listen for my heartbeat
That's when I find I'm heartless

Finally...

Here comes the darkness

This poem was written by me during my darkest times


According to Anxiety and Depression Association of America, major depressive disorder affects more than 16.1 million American adults each year. Persistent depressive disorder affects about 3.3 million American adults. This particular depression usually continues for at least 2 years. That means 3.3 million Americans more than likely struggle to get out of bed every single day. Not because they are tired, not because of anything other than depression. That means 3.3 million Americans struggle to find a reason to smile even when they have the world to live for. 3.3 million Americans place their social mask on and tell the world that they are fine. At times, it can be extremely difficult to tell that a person suffers from depression. Almost 75% of people with mental disorders remain untreated in developing countries with almost 1 million people taking their lives each year. 25.1% of children between 13 and 18 years old suffer from anxiety disorder.

I've suffered with depression for majority of my life. I don't think I will ever know what life without depression is like. At thirteen years old, I thought that self mutilation was my only way to cope. I continued with that demented thought process for almost 10 years. I found a way to hide these sick thoughts of mine. I found a way to tell the world that I am fine even when I wasn't. The thought of suicide crossed my mind several times once I was about 19 or 20 years old. It wasn't until after I had my daughter that I finally surrendered to this illness and started taking medication.

Did you know that suicide is the second leading cause of death in children aged 10-24?

There is an average of 3,470 suicide attempts each day in our nation by children in grades 9-12. More teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and chronic lung disease, COMBINED.

Even though it sure as hell feels like it, depression doesn't have to take over our lives. I think that we as humans sometimes feel the need to power through these kind of things. If we ask for help, we feel that is a sign of weakness. Only 61.7% of adults in America receive treatment each year. That means that the rest of those people, try to power through like I did. Unfortunately for some of those people, depression becomes overwhelming for them and they feel that suicide is the only way out. This is far from the truth though. Depression can be managed, it won't always erase itself but we can learn to live with it.


At some point there is always a little sunshine after the rain.

No matter what the situation is, we need to always find some kind of good in it. If we feed our negativity with negativity than we will shit out nothing but negativity. We do have all the power in the world to change any negative thoughts or feelings into something positive. If you ever feel like giving up, don't do it.The only thing that will do is stop any chance you ever had left of finding that happiness that each and everyone of us have deep down inside. Find something that makes you happy and stick with it whenever you need to get your mind off of things.

Here are just a few quick suggestions -

  • go for a walk
  • listen to music
  • talk to someone
  • use an adult coloring book
  • read a book
  • write a poem
  • write in a journel
  • meditate
  • pray

Whatever you do, never ever give up!


If you or someone you love is suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts please visit the National Suicide Prevention website or by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

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Here are a few of my recent blogs-

* My Supernatural Experience! Creature In The Woods - Part 1 *

* Cute Baby Bunnies Born This Morning *

* I seen GREEN today! *

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Very deep and authentic words - I could feel your pain.
The statistics are frightening and I dont know if there is a simple answer.
Your recommendations are good, just take some type of action, move/ do something - no matter how small to help get out of that head space.
Thank you for sharing x

Yes, they are frightening. That's why I wanted to share a little piece of my story so that way I can hopefully show at least one person that life does get better. Thank you for stopping by :)

use an adult coloring book

I never heard of this one before. Sounds like it could be very fun.

They are super relaxing.

The pages typically look something like this -

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Yes. I did this before.

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I think I know everything you're talking about, it's not easy, but when you can keep positive thinking you can get past it. Some of my lyrics are relatively dark too. Because at certain moments of my life, I could write my feelings. This has been very important to me.

That is very true! Writing is a really good way to release those feelings. No matter how dark the writing may seem, it can definitely help.

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