Heart Break (poemchallenge by @margaretwise)
is a bruise
caught with every beat
a tender ache
of sadness
pressed on by grief
is an absence
gasping in the air
something vital
missing
constantly aware
is a shadow
left by the eclipse
unexpected
coldness cast
by what no longer is
I have not been feeling the poetry i've written recently, I spent a lot of time thinking about how to describe this. I am still really not sure about this one, i feel like the first verse may be better on its own? Feedback welcome! I've not really expressed anything about how the cold is only cold by contrast to the warmth, so there may be another verse (if i don't decide it was better as just the first one), but then that's the fun of this friday challenge.
This is written for the poemchallenge by @margaretwise which is open every friday/saturday (depending on your relative time zone) and is a very friendly contest, so head over and check it out!
Photo Credit - Wikicommons - this is displayed in the Wellcome collection in London, which is free to visit, and well worth the stop, they update the exhibits on a regular basis, and have a beautiful library, and some truly astounding artwork and installations. Oh oh, keep your eye out for the figure who walks the ceiling ^^
Love and sparkle ~ Calluna
Is this one poem or three? First one is awesome. I think they all are. They all succinctly capture despair. I love the use of the word "eclipse" in the last.
Thank you so much <3 they are three parts to the same poem, although, I can't decide if the first bit has more power on it's own. Oh i love that you picked up on that word, I really felt it captured some of that feeling. Very much appreciate you stopping by <3
Also I noticed you write a little fiction as well as poetry, and wanted to mention the @bananafish to you, they hold two weekly contests, one for fiction and one for haiku's, I think the next fiction round is due out in a few days, but there is still time left to enter the haiku contest :)
this fit perfectly together ;) to form the echo
and a fourth verse would be more than welcome :D
Thank you <3 I shall have to see if life see fit to push me with that last bit of inspiration, hey look, upsides to everything ;)
The repitition of “Heart Break / is a(n)” the usage of (negative connotative version of) verbs in the third line, the fourth line bringing a sudden shift to one quality, fifth of something sad or evoking sadness and the last line an obscenity yet one that actualized and incoporated all that transpired. Though all were artsy on heart break, focused on each particular of such which compounds each other when these particulars are brought together. The first, relates to physical pain as a mere metaphor yet referential to Unconscious-Conscious pains with disconnection. The second, aphysixation a referential to the Unconscious-Conscious pains of memory that acts like phantom pain. The last, lack of love that refers to Lack/Desire that formulated with the recognition of the M(Other) after seeing the M(Other) infrequently visiting the baby (and presumably taken away from by the name-of-the-Father / Phalluce / Master-Signifier) and then searching for an Other that can make itself complete. But ever-coming to realize the tragedy that the Other as another Subject is incomplete as well and lacks/desires as well.
You perfectly identify the structure to the lines within each verse that I did not even realise I was doing. I was just thinking about what felt, this just blew me away <3 ;-; <3
I love reading the analysis of poetry, this was not so much what I put in there, well, in the most part it was. The first verse is about the actual physical pain felt within the heart, and came from trying to think of a way to describe it Tired of feeling your feelings, enter calluna patented 'describe it' mode, when you focus on whatever it is, not for what it is but from some nice detached, now how would i describe this for a poem or story angle, works wonders ;) , the second is indeed as you put it, and more about the memory of what isn't there than breathing. Hmm with the last one, I was more thinking along the lines of something glorious and wonderful, like a celestial body, seemingly gone, and the coldness and I guess maybe loneliness that comes after. But then again, when poetry comes out like this, I don't really know how it comes to be, the words just suddenly seem to fit together, and what you see if indeed there, ahhh the magic of poetry <3 thank you so very much for this, I sincerely appreciated your analysis and feedback <3
That’s what the Other is! (In reference to the awe in yer comment and the last poem.)
my world is naked
when you are gone ... the house is empty
and feels sorry for me
when it is stolen by a merciless time
My congratulations I am honored and I feel inspired with such a beautiful soul, which like a torrent of words makes this challenge even more wonderful :)
https://steemit.com/poemchallenge/@margaretwise/poemchallenge-results-by-margaretwise-poetry-my-world-is-naked-when-you-are-gone-a-sublime-corner-of-poetry-i-invite-you-next
Thank you so very much <3 I am so grateful to you for giving me the reason to write this, and so very glad you enjoyed it. This is one I will treasure - thank you <3