Can I really be myself? Am I free to do so?
The question might seem ridiculous at a first glimpse, but it’s not. The more our society develops, the more and more social norms are being established. The more social norms are rooted in us, the less free we are to express ourselves. How can we truly be ourselves if we cannot freely express who we are?
Where does this lead us? It often leads us to deviant fantasies and behavior, completely opposite to our natural needs. For example, various studies have shown that a high percentage of women have rape fantasies. One of the most common explanations is that forced sex (of course, forced in a way that suits the woman and by a person who suits the woman) is often fantasized by women because it sets them free from the social norm that women should not express their sexual desires. If she is forced into something, then she is completely irresponsible for what happens, and thus not to blame for her desires coming true.
Another simple yet effective example is smiling when alone in public. If you remember or think about something funny (and we all do that), it is only natural that you smile, regardless or whether you are alone or not. However, if you smile while you are "alone" in the public transportation, many people look at you like you are crazy, because you are breaking the socially desirable behavior of being serious when "alone" in public.
All of us have many feelings, desires, and opinions that we are inhibited from expressing. Too often, we don’t go where we wish, we don’t do what we want, we don’t say what we mean, we don’t show how we feel, we don’t spend time with who we like. As more and more needs and feelings are being stuck inside us instead of being released, we are falling into social anxiety, depression, anger, and deviant behavior. Is that life? Is that who we truly are? Are we living our lives or are our lives passing by while we are doing something else?
We need to start living, living free, as ourselves, creating, expressing, letting go, enjoying life. We have to take responsibility for what we feel, we have to face our fears, breaking the social norms when necessary. We don’t have to be afraid of how other people see us. We didn’t come to this world to fit in, we came here to stand out. We are unique individuals, full of lovely idiosyncratic flaws, and it is normal that some people will like us, while some won't. If everybody likes us, then something's wrong there. One of the common traits found in happy people is that they show compassion and love for themselves, including their flaws and imperfections. And now here comes my favorite quote: “Letting go of perfection is where the perfection begins”.
Can you give me an example of what you wanted to do, say, create, share, but didn't - due to social norms or similar inhibitors?
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Have a wonderful day, week, and life!
Once I saw a really cool and old but still perfect top hat on a second hand market. I thought about buying it and wearing it because I thought it would suit me.
The 2nd hand market was there three days and I looked at the hat on all three days and it didn't leave my mind, because if I bought it I knew I would wear it all the time, but with a top hat everyone sees you. You stand out so much that you can't swim in the mass anymore. That's why I haven't bought it at the end. It's a pity. I'm still thinking about it. I like top hats. They make you both representative and they are a sign of respect towards others who see it.
Thank you for the vivid example.
What I can tell you is that a top hat would go totally cool with a @doodlebear nickname! : )
Of all the hats of history the top-hat perhaps had the longest run. Abe Lincoln wore a top-hat and top-hats were still worn up until the 1920s. Fashion is meant to be fun. Strange how it takes on ominous groupthink overtones that prevent us from having that fun.
Yes, top-hat was Abraham Lincoln's trademark. : )
In my opinion, diversity and tolerance = fun and happiness.
The contradictory thing is that many things were previously simply forbidden by the State and then nobody did them, but now, many things are indirectly prohibited by the "group" or "society" in which you find yourself, and if you do, you risk being the omega male of the group and be set apart as an asocial individual.
I believe that these "prohibitions" or group pressure will never change, the best we can do is be ourselves and look for a different group that appreciates people like us.
As the society becomes more complex, there are more and more areas for new social norms. However, as @citizenzero pointed out well is his comment, the intensity of social norms may be decreasing over time.
I agree with you, we should be unique in our own way and look for a group that accepts as in that way.
Oh, when will I reach the time when my vote on comments will be worth at least $0.01? I feel a bit awkward when I upvote someone's comment and he gets nothing at all. : )
Your Steem Power is 9.078 Steem currently, when you reach 50 your vote will be $0.01, although I warn you that giving that is not very accommodating lol...
But with the pace and quality of your publications it will be quite easy for you to reach that number, probably this month, if you don't do Power Down before.
Edit: If you enter Steem Now you can know your voting power, if you click on the small calculator you can know how much you need to give a vote of X dollars.
Thank you very much for the explanation and the link! I would upvote your comment, but... :D
Do you happen to know does my current upvote give any value (for example $0.002) to the author, although it's too small to be shown in the two-digits format?
That is exactly what happens, as your vote is less than $0.01, then it is shown as $ 0.00, but it has a minimum value, that is, from $0.001 to $0.009.
In fact, Steemit delegates an SP of $ 27 to create the account, for some reason you have only $ 12,617, maybe someone gave you a flag? Well, adding that with your 9 you get to 21,696 SP, which is enough to give a vote of $ 0.01, but only if you let your voting power recharge at least between 95% and 100%, to 94% you can not anymore.
Currently you have a voting power of 58%, if you can get the SP 50 that I told you, then you will get a vote of $ 0.01 having a votying power less than 50%.
Thanks again for the clarification @vieira, much appreciated!
I'm also confused by not having +27 SP as most new people do. I don't remember anyone flagging my posts, their value never really went down (apart from the standard, very minor fluctuations).
It says "Your delegation amount can fluctuate" in the wallet, but I can find no explanation about the possible reasons. Alas, it is what it is. Cheers! : )
There are a lot of social experiments on this, the first one that comes to mind is the standing up experiment, it is really funny and I suggest you watch it. :)
I think "being yourself" highly depends on whether the person feels awkward or doesn't. I am highly awkward, I could never wear a top hat in person without feeling awkward, but if a friend would do it with me... heck yes.
Hi @jibspark,
I've seen the experiment, it's very interesting, clearly showing to what extent other people's behavior can influence our own.
I think that it's good to be awkward, but not good to feel awkward. : )
Cheers!
You are very wise for a young person.
While we still have problems with "groupthink," I believe society has evolved overall in its attitudes toward eccentricity. We don't burn witches at the stake, or stretch "heathens" on the rack, for instance. Trying to fit in is a very immature attitude that gradually (if one continues in their emotional development) wanes over time.
We've all seen old men in checkered pants, white sox and leather shoes toddling along on the street, perhaps wearing a forward-facing baseball cap. The idea of "fashion" has long since abandoned them. And it's acceptable, at least to the mature.
In my opinion, if we don't follow our own drummer, give in to being exactly who we are, we are creating needless stress in our lives, and in fact, we are wasting our precious uniqueness, that quality that gives life its flavor and spice.
Thank you for the compliment. : )
We most definitely have advanced! Thanks for reminding me.
There should be an "eccentricity day" in the year when everyone wears or does something eccentric. : )
In relation to the post by @stealthgoat.
@lifenbeauty you were ripped off.
Currently 1SBD = 7 Dollars
You could have sold 5 SBD @ 7 Dollars each for 35 Dollars
Your post needs to make more than this to make the purchase financially rewarding.
Hi @branhmusic,
Thanks for the suggestion!
However, "pending payout" value found on articles is actually in SBD, not USD.
Cheers!
This post has received a 2.85 % upvote from @drotto thanks to: @lifenbeauty.
When I was wild and young, it so happened that I got two hot girls in my bed. We started making out with the three of us and slowly but steadily this developed into something every man dreams of. They both let me play with their titties a little bit. It was really fun.
Then all of a sudden one of them realizes that she is in a relationship (but not with me )and leaves. Half of my fun was gone and since that they I have to live with the fact that I came this close to a threesome, but didn't do it. All because of these silly social norms like that a girl can't have sex with other persons than her boyfriend :(
Thank you for the very vivid example.
I'm sorry that you have to live with such a horrible burden. :)
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STOPI am playful in my behaviour to extent that i get familiar with strange people so easly but now i done dey reduce it because people say " this is madness" little did i know that i am seriously changing and no more becoming myself because of people opinion.i think i will go back and become myself for God's sake.
Go for it! People who tell you "this is madness" are obviously not the right people for you, don't act in order to get them to like you, find the ones who like the real you. I'm glad if my article encouraged that decision at least a little bit. : )