Random Thoughts on a Monday January 8, 2018

in personal •  last month

I'm just going to share some random thoughts that have been rambling through my head today.

What do you mean it's Monday?

There is a part of me that is quite frustrated that I never know what day it is.
I mean... it's so hard to look at the little calendar on the bottom right of my monitor but the time and date mean nothing to me unless I'm going somewhere or working on a project other than my own. I'm deadline-oriented but cannot seem to give myself a strict one.

What's up with that?

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HAHA! I love SnapChat filters

Finding your path

It's hard to get plugged back in after the December Funk. It feels like I'm coming out of a long hibernation and still getting acclimated to familiar surroundings. When I read @macksby's poem Finding Your Path..., it resonated with me and made me ask some questions.

Am I searching for greatness? Nope. I just want to live a good life.

What does "live a good life" mean? I'm still figuring that out.
Before a good life meant making sure my kids grew up healthy and happy.
Before a good life meant finding a way to be comfortable in my own skin and accepting my imperfections.
Before a good life meant turning a house into a home.

I have those things now. My kids are grown. I am comfortable being me. I finally have a house that I'm slowly turning into a home. It's a different kind of home than before because the family that I once had is nothing but a memory. I guess a part of me is kind of homesick and yet, the other part of me is grateful for this new dynamic.

And then there's another part of me wondering....

Is this it? Is this enough? Do I want more? What do I want more of?

Who do I want to be when I grow up?

Am I enough? I like me now. Will I like future me? Will future me look back and like now me? Does now me like past me? uhh... Fine. Moment of truth: Now me accepts past me which does not mean now me likes past me. Does past me include young me?

Is it any wonder I have a migraine right now?

If I've got no roots then how can I be a tree?

I read @denmarkguy's post Memories and "Good Old Days" - We Go Forward, Because We Can't Go Back!

He wrote about going home but there is no going back. We can visit our old haunts, stroll through memorable neighborhoods, even walk through the house we grew up in -- but it's not the same. Its time has passed.

Thinking about my lack of roots often makes me sad but my practical side just says, "Meredith, this is your existence make the most of it. Find your joy before death finds you."

What does joy feel like?

The first time I had an orgasm I cried from the sheer beauty of it. I was amazed how my body felt so alive and how giving someone had to be to my needs in order to reach that peak. It was scary and it was gone too soon. Does that make sex any other time mundane?

Does joy feel like that?

What now?

I think the safest thing to do is write... or go to sleep.

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Excellent post. Personally I feel as if we spend much our lives trying to do the best we can with the information we are presented with. We make plans and set goals that are in line with our dreams. Then because of age, knowledge or something happening in our lives that devastate us, we start to see so much more truth and are basically in shock to find out that so much of what have learned was lies.
Then for years we live in shock and try to adjust to our new situations and hopefully come to grips with the delusion and then try to "move forward". I think this is what is called a "mid life crises". We tend to look internally to know who we are and what we should do, instead of formally looking externally to see who we "should" be.

I hope when you look in the mirror, you will see what most of us see in you. A wonderful person ! For those that don't see that, they are in that "delusional" mode, and have absolutely nothing to do with who you "really are".
Thank You for being a small part in my life.

With Much Respect ! /salute /hugs
Your Friend and Fan, JTS

No mention of the Viva scam you helped participate in? Please don't pretend like it didn't happen.

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@neoxian, this isn't the place for it. I worked my ass off for a year and was paid solely in VIVA. Hell, I even took side jobs and accepted VIVA as payment. By all means call me a fool if you wish. I basically volunteered time and talent for an entire year. That being said, I will mention more when I have actual news and not participate (edit) in the mud slinging. BTW, my Steemit power downs paid for my moving bills and both boys Marine Corps graduation travel plans when TQ put my BTC, ETH and LTC in pending in perpetuity.

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Ok, you dont have to do it right way, but I do think you owe Steemit a post on the subject sometime.

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+100%

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Oh no! This doesnt sound good.

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I truly would love to know more about this from somebody who worked from the inside.

I soooooo resonate with what you've written here @mere99 and can't wait to read more of your posts.

I turned 60 last week and I really can't believe it. I cannot connect to being that age. And, like you, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. How did that happen?

I had pretty much created all my dreams by the time I was 30 and since then have been wandering around wondering what I do from here. Trying this and that and finding that isn't "it".

Thanks for sharing the link to The Path poem. Very evocative. I'm not sure I'm actually looking for a path anymore. This is the path. I am on it and have always been on it.

What's different now from when I was younger is that, in all my years of searching, I thought I needed to know where the path was leading. I thought I needed to choose my path.

Now it's more a case of practising simply being on the path I'm on and living it to the fullest and letting it unfold without trying to force it in the direction I think it needs to go.

Easier said than done but I think (hope) I'm ready for it now! 💜

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Happy Belated Birthday, @gillianpearce!

I'm so glad you left a comment! You sound like a cosmic sister.

I kind of achieved my dreams by the time I was 40 and I've been wandering and wondering what to do with myself. Granted, after I passed 40 I lost just about everything and got a huge dose of reality that material goods are meaningless, some friends are closer than family, and I can survive just about anything.

So I'm with you 100% to say my goal is being on a path - any kind of path - even if I have to yank the weeds and make my own way.

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Thank you @merej99!

I was super excited to find you here. Sometimes I feel way out on the edge in the way at I look at life and am tempted to write for the popular vote. But I'm so weary of censoring myself so as not to come across as weird or upset people.

I left a comment on someone's post a couple of days ago and was tempted to make it more main stream but I decided to leave it. I got a very defensive reply and that person stopped following me.

So when I find people who resonate with what I want to say and vice versa, it is a huge blessing to me! 😍

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Steemit has been the one place where I don't feel like I need to censor my writing or responses. Of course I try to be diplomatic when there are disagreements, and I never resort to name calling but most of the time I feel like this

If I said, WRITE YOU I bet you would totally get that -- and don't worry about the mainstream. Most of them are still on Facebook. LOL

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😁 😁 😁 😁 😁

excellent post dear friend @ merej99, invites a great reflection and see for yourself, I believe that the vast majority happens this, I think it may be in our nature, always seek happiness, maybe we are focusing badly, my ancestors They suggested that man's happiness is in simple things, which seem secondary but are not, such as waking up every day, seeing the sun rise or falling, or the sound of water from a waterfall, in short, as I said it requires a great analysis
I admire how you write, thank you very much for sharing these thoughts.
I wish you a great day

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YES @jlufer. Everything you said here is true. I love being in nature and to focus on the good. I've learned that the simple things are usually the best things because everything else can disappear in a day. Finding peace in me and around me is all I really want.

That Snapchat filter captures your conundrum, alright! I don't have any advice. Just appreciation of your situation. It's nice you are settling into your new home. I hope you can find some focus and enthusiasm. And maybe you won't be a tree -- I pulled a lot of blackberry vines today, and they keep moving and running and rooting where ever they touch down. And they are pretty successful - and provide a lot of good for people and other creatures, even though they are troublesome, too, lol. Glad to see you back here on Steemit!

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I was just about to sign out but I had to say that your comment brought the biggest smile to my face. EUREKA I don't have to be a tree! I can be a blackberry vine...or bamboo shoots. Those are nearly impossible to get rid of. :D
XOXOX

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Just don't be a mushroom -- because then we won't see you very often! ; ) You would be good as bamboo! They don't quit for anything!

Ahhhh THE questions of life and happiness right there! And as you seem to have forfilled your primary goals (food shelter roof), you went to the next ones: self acceptance, nurturing.

You can be proud already to have reached this level in the triangle :)

Its difficult to actually be happy I guess, I think in the end for all of us we want and 'need' more.

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YES! I'm a huge fan of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
I think there's only one point in my life where I feel like I'm "self-actualized" and that's accepting and liking myself with all the imperfections. Everything else is a work in progress. :P

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Imperfection is also beauty! As long as we are cool with it right!

Thanks for the mention @merej99... and I'm afraid I don't have any easy answers.

There is this, though: WHY are we looking backwards? WHAT is it that we miss? And why isn't it HERE, now?

Last couple of years I have been forcing myself to spend more in a state of gratitude. What I really mean there is... being in a state of remembering and focusing on what is good and right, rather than obsessing over what is "missing." Life really IS pretty good!

That said, the while "What is the good life?" might be a really good writing exercise.

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I think I look backwards because there is a certain amount of security there. It's a notch on the growth chart. It might not be a comfortable place but it's familiar.
@onceuponatime mentioned in his #fivefacts post that he'd lost everything 3 times. I've lost, or felt like I'd lost everything at least twice. Looking back on in I wonder how I made it through but on the flip side, if it happened in the here and now I know I would survive it -- and the suck would be like an old, familiar blanket.

wow, it is an amazing post. life is the name of ups and down. sometime it will bring sorrows and sometime it will keep you happy. so try to handle everything in a better way. keep smiling. and enjoy. :) peace

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Let's just hope there are way more ups than there are downs. Basically November thru December are my down months. That means 10 out of 12 are relatively good! :)

I like me now. Will I like future me? Will future me look back and like now me? Does now me like past me?

I ask questions like this all the time and think I am crazy, glad to know I am not the only crazy one!

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Embrace the crazy @dadview 'cause normal is boring. LOL

What Now?
Keep on floating.....
I’ve been up and down and all I remember is to hold on tight.
I refuse to give in.

a very funny post i like with your post @merej99

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Thank you @putra-arjun - if we cannot poke fun at ourselves and see humor through the chaos then what's the point, right?

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yes with like this we can enjoy life with cheerful

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Many thanks.

This picture just funny one...Thanks for sharing...
Best of luck...

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Snapchat is awesome and those filters can be very addicting. :)

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Yes dear..I agree with you....

All I can say is I think looking forward is more profitable than looking back...albeit I am as guilty as anyone for doing it.

Thoughts like these are a surefire way to not fall asleep haha! I do like the philosophical conundrum. I often think too far ahead, but I think that's mainly because I'm not satisfied at what I've accomplished so far. For me, it's a bit easier because if I only lived in the now, things would be less complicated. Instead of planning ten steps ahead, I could just plan two or three steps ahead, and just focus on dealing with things one step at a time. I don't know what I would do if I was in your shoes, though I do wish that one day I would get to reach that point in my life.

This is the best advice i have received this year

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Hey there @christinb. Welcome to Steemit. :) How are you liking it so far?

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I love it my friend,please upvote me

wow! so it is a nice post.every people have a personal matter. well and owe turns by turns... but it is changed by rambling...best forever our side.

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I'm trying to find some consistency in writing again. Sometimes just free writing and rambling thoughts help get the creative juices going. Welcome to Steemit!

Excellent post @merej99 . I've been down lately, and this was perfect enough to brighten me up. Life can be messy at times, but it's best we stay positive, strive and look forward to a better tomorrow.

I love what you've done with your hair....err face!! rofl!!!!!!!! I've never used snapchap - what am I missing????

My brain hurts after reading this. I have enough thoughts going round and round that more thoughts wouldn't have space for me to see them. There's too much competition in there.

I'm still me in a 62 year old body. What does grow up mean any way? What is an adult? If I jump on my bed like a monkey is that a bad thing?

Will I have to go to my room? Oh wait, that would be my room.

So, there is no going back like @demarkguy said. There are memories and they are fun to visit - some maybe less than others but you know what I mean.

Let's skip to my Lou my darling and all will be so wonderful :)