Lessons Half Learned #2: Let 'Em Dance (and my first DTube Video)!

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I am blessed to have four daughters (and even one son now). I take my role as their dad very seriously.

And while I have a lot of really good father-daughter relationships to aspire towards, I have also seen countless times when that connection all but entirely dissolves.

A few years ago, my wife and I started seeing some of our friends participating in various daddy-daughter dances. Mine were too young at the time, but it became something I looked forward to doing.

Last year was our first. I took the older two together because they wanted it that way, and frankly, most of the other dances in our area had already passed. Lyla was almost 5 and Marlowe was three and a half.

It was an absolute blast. The dance was Tinkerbelle themed. For $10 each, we got snacks, dancing, and dessert.

Plus, we got to meet TINKERBELLE!!!

My girls and I have been talking about that day pretty regularly over the past year. They were pretty geeked for this year. For some reason, we went to a different dance this year. It was different, and honestly way more "done-up" than I am comfortable with. We still had a blast, but may choose to look around again next year.

For us, these occasions are a nice tradition that where we can build some memories around a consistent theme. They supplement the time I try to spend with each of my kids; ideally one-on-one time. They are not the meat of the relationship.

I put together little "highlight reel"/mashup from last year. This is my first DTube video, and actually my first anything video. My apologies for the low quality, inconsistent volume, differing aspect ratios, and all that great novice stuff. Hope you enjoy.

Go watch the video if you haven't yet!

Well wasn't that just adorable!?

Sometime last year, my wife and I came across this article that heavily criticizes the dad-daughter "date culture" that these events help facilitate.

It is a bit hyperbolic, but does raise questions that I feel deserve to be met with honest thought.

For one, why do we call these occasions dates? Is this romanticizing, even sexualizing, a parent-child relationship? In what ways does this dynamic perpetuate an oppressive or inappropriate patriarchal worldview?

Is it honestly a healthy goal for our girls to be "treated like princesses?" The article points out how that "would actually involve being married off at the age of 12 to a man you've never met to secure a political alliance."

Why would we want to reinforce the idea that being a woman means "getting pretty" for a man so that you can get some treats later?

What about when this school district turned away a single mom who wanted to take her daughter to the dance that her friends were going to?

The article then moves into one of its best points in my opinion.

Why are dad's treated like secondary parents?

I cannot tell you how many times I get asked if I am "babysitting" the kids if I am out with them but without my wife.
The answer is emphatically no. I do not babysit my kids. I parent them.
Why do we give out gold stars when dads show up?

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not saying don't celebrate dads engaging with their kids. Parenting is hard enough and everybody deserves encouragement. But how about we be more intentional in celebrating engagement of the more non-glamorous verities as well. Including those done by moms.

Lastly, where does my son fit into this?
We just had a boy three months ago, so this is the first time that we have really had to wrestle with this idea. I hope it is obvious that Vanessa and I both plan on spending set-aside time with him, like we do with his sisters.

Here's the thing though.

Access to my emotions is as much his birthright as it is my daughters'

Let me say it again for the folks in the back: It is not okay for me to treat my daughters as if they deserve something that my son does not. I am not sure what that will look like going forward, but I am determined to see this through.

"Lessons Half Learned" is a series that I have started in which I explore topics that I have done some pondering about. It mostly focuses on parenting related topics, but will explore other areas of general adulting. The idea of a half learned lesson is not to imply a haphazard effort, but rather a recognition that I am still just starting out on this journey through life. I have some opinions, and I am pretty confident in a few of them, but I want to keep myself open to the possibility that I am oh so very wrong.

That's all I have for now. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic so go ahead and drop those comments done below.

Be blessed,

Sam

Image Sources: Empty Room, Boat, Breastfeeding

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