Oh did you think that was empathy?
When you share with a friend about a new dish you made, which would you rather hear in response? With which response do you feel most heard?
(1) "Ew yuck I don't like mushrooms."
(2) "That reminds me of a meal I made last week. Let me tell you about it..."
(3) "Were you excited to come up with something that is dairy free and that you love the taste of?"
"Wait? I thought this was going to be about parenting!?"
OK here's another example:
A child is afraid of something.
(1) "There's nothing to be afraid of."
(2) "I remember being afraid of what might come into my room at night."
(3) "Is it scary to imagine someone you don't know coming through that window and hurting you?"
The first response is almost purely evaluative and dismissive of the person's experience. The second is sympathetic. In both, the listener is running your story through their filters, judging, and evaluating. In terms of connection, (2) is better than (1) and (1) is certainly better than a punch in the face.
Sadly, most people confuse sympathy for empathy.
Why is empathy (3) best of all? Because real empathy is letting go of our own perspective, filters, and agenda so that we can fully see from the other person's perspective. This is the path most likely to lead to greater understanding. And bonus, this can also create a deeper connection.
"I want to take my time: to come from an energy I choose rather than one I've been programmed to come from." - Marshall B. Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication, A Language of Life.
A few other articles I've written here on peaceful parenting and the important ingredient called empathy:
https://steemit.com/parenting/@scottermonkey/how-often-do-children-really-need-to-be-told-what-to-do
https://steemit.com/parenting/@scottermonkey/tantrums-aren-t-what-you-think-they-are
https://steemit.com/parenting/@scottermonkey/punished-by-rewards
https://steemit.com/emotionalintelligence/@scottermonkey/is-your-positivity-causing-harm
Also, I've created a site full of resources on topics like empathy, nonviolent communication (NVC), mediation, relationships, peaceful parenting, unschooling, and voluntaryism: https://ClearSay.net
Good post. That's called walking a mile in their shoes.
Thanks. Yeah, that's one way to describe empathy :-)
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