Self Voting Orgy! Who is guilty?

steemit-enquirer (39)in #news • 7 years ago (edited)

We are Winners, at Steemit and at life!

@the50, the exclusive SWINGERS CLUB of the Steemit elite, passed out chocolate wearable crowns at their latest we-are-so-awesome board meeting. Rumor has it that everyone took their turn RUNNING AROUND NAKED in a big circle, high-fiving each other to the music of RICK ASTLEY. Witnesses on location also allege SPANDEX was present in large quantities.

Our sources can confirm the self-votes were flying!

Exclusive Garden Party hosted by the Wizard of Oz

A Steemit HIGH ROLLERS party was hosted by the @wizardofoz in his magical kingdom of Oz. There were a varity of human ( @jasonrussell, @rebeccabe, @alfonso1003) animals ( @goatgarden, @clickinchicken), plant life ( @fungusmonk, @pappa-pepper, @reedracer) and even a movie ( @pierrefilms) and even some music ( @melodyrussell) present to talk over life sized CHEESE SCULPTURES.

Yes folks it was a SUREALIST orgy of votes. Dali was even there with the Rothschilds wearing traditional ILLUMINATI dress style. We wish them the best on their plan of WORLD CONQUEST!

To mark the occasion, the great Oz cut a chunk of the country up with a GIANT LASER in a perfect rectangle and named the new land KANSAS, levitating the PERFECTLY PANCAKE FLAT LAND several feet in the air for 2 and a half hours. One delighted onlooker was heard saying "oooh, I wonder what he's like in the sack".

I'm not your @pal buddy! Self voting shame

Friend to everyone and all round buddy @pal answered their own question in an assembly of the COUNCIL OF ELDERS, stating that voting for yourself was "fine, whatever".

However @pal was RUDELY asked to leave when they were accused of farting by @randomshite, though everyone knew it was actually the smell of SHITE.

@noganoo breaks vow of SILENCE with message from God!

Japanese Shinto monk @noganoo spoke for the first time in 100 years this week to reveal a message from God. The message took the form of an INCOHERENT rap.

Our correspondent on the scene transcribed this excerpt ON TOILET PAPER:

"It was a clear black night, a clear Steem mooning
Noga G is on the streets, trying to consume
Some votes for the eve, so I can shake some @pfunk
Just rollin' in my blog, chillin forever alone

So I hooks a left on the 21 to Vitalik Buterin
Some brothas shootin comments so I said "let's blow this shit up"
I jumped out the ride, and said "expose the truth"
Some brothas pulled some flags so I said "I got proof""

We presume this went on for several hours but no one was left to confirm.

Vitalik Buterin was unavailable for comment from his SPACE LAB in SPACE.

Ref

Mob rule on the horizon! Prediction

@calamus056, jack of all trades (master of one - predictions) is reported to have consulted the aquious soothsayer OCTOPUSSY, a rather "friendly" octopod who moonlights as a predictor, giving Augur a serious run for their crypto.

The a prepared statement read from the steps of the courthouse (there for unrelated charges of beastiality), @calamus056 stated asked all the fat slobs of Steemit to "Get out and vote! Vote down! FLAG! Ye are as to GODS NOW!"