MY FOSTER SON - TWISTED DARK ROOTS

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This is a difficult piece for me to post. It is very dark. But one thing I have learned is that at times great Light can come out of the darkest nights of soul. I know too that many of us speed read through posts because of limited time and energy. I invite you to snuggle down in your seat and read this with great intent.

Leland came into my life just before his 9th birthday. He and I both agree it must have been fated, it must have been divine intervention because not only did I save his life but I changed what would have been a grim and evil future for him and for those he most assuredly would have destroyed. I won't go into the details of how I became his foster dad because I want to jump right into the story of his early years, but I assure you it was a most miraculous story, one I'll share sometime soon. I have changed his name and those of his family. I have changed, also, the events of his early years, but only slightly. In many ways reality was much more terrible than what I will relate here. You may wonder if this story is for real. I assure you it is. I can hardly revisit these roots of one I have grown to love, of one whom I now consider a son without weeping since even after all these years I am torn by the ferocity of evil that ate into his young heart and nearly destroyed him. It was a very close thing.

I must share that miracles do happen. They happened to young Leland and his family. I was the instrument of those miracles though I must step aside and give thanks and recognition to a greater power, to God, to Source, whatever you might call such a Presence, for it is from that Ocean of Love that I was called to do what I did. And what I did was very simply love another as myself. I suppose that even to have the capacity to do that is a miracle, for I too had dark roots, though not nearly as twisted as Lelands. But from the genesis of my own beginnings came compassion and a willingness to serve.

This story begins when Leland is 6 years old. He doesn't talk much about the years prior to that. He holds those times shuttered in his heart, in a dark prison he has not given anyone the key to. Over the years I have been able to piece together some things though: he suffered intense neglect and was treated more poorly than a back yard dog chained to a stake in the ground and otherwise forgotten. He was also regularly beaten by his mothers boyfriends and otherwise abused. Perhaps the dark cell of those early years will never be opened, but I think one day it will. Perhaps a young maiden, also sent by God, will come and unlock the doors and finally free Leland from those terrors that still haunt him like mists of a distant nightmare.

So I invite you to take a journey into what was and what could have been had I not stepped forward when I did. Leland and I have talked about what could have been, what terrors would have erupted from his tortured life had we not met. He assures me he'd either be dead by now or in prison. I believe him. You will too. I have employed creative license from the time of his 9th birthday and will show you a possible future that was prevented. As you read this story please remember that after his 9th birthday everything is fiction... what might have been. Indeed Leland and I came to a path in the forest of life and we chose the one less traveled by: he let me into his heart and I took him into mine, and that has made all the difference. For both of us. It was a close thing that choice of path. It nearly was not taken. But that is another story. Come with me now and meet Leland Gross.

(Please excuse, if you will, a very little bit of crude language, but sometimes the use of vulgarity gives weight, depth and tone to that which calls for such intensity.)

TWISTED ROOTS

Leland was 7 years old when the last of Eileen Grosses five children was born, all from different men. None of these could be called a father, but all could be called fucking idiots for having had sex with the fat, ugly, heart-wounded bitch that was Eileen Gross. Eileen knew who the sperm donors were for all of her children except the twins which thing nearly drove her wild because she hated missing out on the potential child support she would have received had the man been discovered. In fact she had gotten court orders to have two of the most likely men DNA tested to prove paternity but to her vast frustration neither came back positive. She did collect child support from the other "fathers" - well, not exactly, only one of the lot had a real job that paid consistently. He paid his $500 faithfully every month, the others were hit and miss. Mostly miss. Much to the credit of the man who paid his monthly $500 he did attempt at one time to negotiate with Eileen for the child who was his. He even tempted her by agreeing to continue paying her the $500 per month after he took the child home with him. But Eileen was no fool, she didn't trust the man. She figured he'd stop paying once the child was gone. So she kept the kid. Such is the terrible hand of fate.

Eileen had the system down to a science. Between food stamps, a little child support, Rural Housing subsidies, church charities ( even though she never attended) welfare payments and Social Security income for the one very handicapped child who was born with fetal alcohol syndrome, she got by. Eileen still had vestiges of innocence and childishness, for of all the seasons of the year she loved Christmas, and during the weeks leading up to Christmas she wore her favorite sweat shirts come from Disneyland. Minnie Mouse and other Disney characters were her favorite companions. Her bed was covered with stuffed Disney creatures when not otherwise in use. Like I was saying, Christmas was special and Eileen made special efforts to enlist the generosity of every volunteer service in town to shower her kids with Christmas presents. She knew the system, but to her credit it truly was the one best thing she did for her kids, she gave them a Merry Christmas.

Eileen loved to dance and found most of her "boyfriends" on the dance floor, at least in her younger years. By the time she was 30 she was quite overweight and dissipated. She was no longer the once, sweet little dance room flower she had been. Well, that's perhaps a bit too generous, Eileen had left the image of "sweet" and "little" behind long before. The children got used to a constant flow of men coming through the door. Eileen was a whore and greedily opened her legs to any man foolish enough to share a bed with her under the fixed gaze of Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse. One of Eileens good friends quipped one night when they were both stoned, and otherwise unemployed, that there were so many men coming and going it was sort of like the game of "musical chairs", only she called it "musical men".

Eileen was not selective in her choice of boyfriends. As long as they had a couple of bucks and a penis it was good. Some of these men were really lower on the scale of disgusting creatures than Eileen. Word got around that there were children in the house and that Eileen was not against bringing them into her bed when men wanted that perversion. The two little girls were introduced to sex before they learned to count or say their ABC's.

Eileen kept the living room fairly clean, even though there was a constant stink from dirty diapers and animal feces in the air. But the rest of the house... not so good. Trash and filth were in every room and covered nearly every square inch of carpet. Dog and cat shit was squished into the carpet, cat boxes overflowed and reeked. Bird droppings piled up in cages. Dirty, unwashed clothing littered every room, every piece of furniture, and was frequently stuffed into large black garbage bags and flung into the garage, a garage that was packed with every conceivable piece of junk and litter, from broken bikes to rotted food. Closets were stuffed with similar crap that flowed like some broken dam when doors were opened. All the doors in the house were damaged in one way or the other. Kicked in, hanging off broken hinges, filthy. Walls were covered with hand prints, colorings, bugers, food, and a ubiquitous grime. The kitchen? How can one describe the chaos, the filth, the rotting food, the flies and mouse droppings on the kitchen counter and in the drawers. It was very bad.

The day before Leland's 7th birthday Eileen got married. This was not a church affair to be sure. Warren Hollis and Eileen were married in a cheap wedding chapel next to a hole-in-the-wall casino a few blocks from downtown Reno where prostitutes and the homeless patroled the streets. Eileen and Warren were both too hung over the next morning to think, or even remember birthday gifts for young Leland so the boy climbed up on the kitchen counter and took a small pack of birthday candles from above the stove and went out into the garage and celebrated with two of the other children by starting a small fire. But a small fire was not enough, so Leland piled some trash together and got a good blaze going. Soon smoke detectors started screeching and Leland and the two siblings fled back into the house and hid under their beds. Warren and Eileen were in bed in a stoned induced sleep. They heard nothing. A passing neighbor heard the alarms and saw smoke coming from the garage and called 911, no doubt saving the unfortunate souls under Eileen's roof.

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By the time the fire department arrived Eileen had found her senses and had managed to hustle all the children, six cats, and three dogs outside. The children were huddled in Warren's piece of crap car which was covered with the children's finger wipings and dog snot all over the inside windows. The exterior was covered with dried bird crap and tree sap on the oxidized paint.

The kids thought the fire truck and the firemen and all the commotion was awesome. Of course there was an investigation. The detective sent out from the fire department could not conclusively determine the cause of the blaze even though he had his suspicions, but Warren and Eileen knew it was Leland who did it. One of the kids told. For Lelands 7th birthday he received his first beating from his new father, the first of many. But it was the verbal abuse, emotional abuse and other forms of violence against Lelands young soul that he received from Warren for the next two years that set him on his path of destruction. Leland learned violence and how to hate because of Warren, and had much earlier learned to lie and be cunning from his mother, all highly valuable skills he would hone to sharp cutting madness in the future.

Warren Hollis lasted nearly two years which was a record for Eileen, but his departure was no big deal to anyone. The constant flow of men began once again. It's just the way things were. Young Leland was pretty much like a wild dog by his ninth year. He came and went as he chose. His mother had long ago given up on him. To her he was just a "a little fuck-shit". She truly could not comprehend she had anything to do with his rapidly deteriorating behaviors.

Young Leland spent a great deal of time out in the fields behind the house playing by himself. His favorite place was called Big Mountain and had once been home to dens of rattlesnakes. It was not really a mountain and the snakes had long ago been exterminated. It was a 200 ft. tall remnant of ancient volcanic activity with lots of fallen boulders and caverns and tunnels to explore and hide in. At it's base was a nice little stream with white bass and catfish in it along with water snakes and frogs and other wildlife. Perhaps it was this place of refuge that gave Leland just enough groundedness to save his life. I think think so at least.

Shortly after Leland's 9th birthday Eileen had him arrested for the first time. He had refused to go to school. He was failing every subject, not because he was dumb but because he was angry and lost and wounded. Eileen had been letting him stay home from school most of the time. It was easier for her to do that instead of making him go. But the school district threatened her with visits by the CPS and possible jail time if she didn't get him to school, so on this particular day she tried to force him to go. Didn't work. He went berserk and started breaking things and even threatening Eileen with a knife. So she called the police. From this point Leland's behavior rapidly deteriorated. He started lighting more fires and he also killed Eileens favorite little Chihuahua though she could not prove it. He became violent with the other children and was known to torture small animals down by the creek, and of course he was being held back in school. Finally, he was removed from the home and was placed in foster care when he was 11 years old. But his internal demons had been unleashed. It was too late for Leland. He was out of control and the hidden fangs of a monster had begun to show.

Leland was placed in a state-run institution in Vegas and stayed there until he turned 18. Actually it was not so bad for him. There was structure, regular meals, clean clothing, and books. Leland discovered he loved to read. He also found out he was quite bright. Not only did he recover from the years of non-education but rapidly developed a brilliant mind. For the first two years of his incarceration he received birthday cards, and an occasional phone call and even Christmas cards from his mother, but no visits. Gradually that little contact stopped. Leland was alone, and preferred it that way. he had no real friends and no adults were able to penetrate his barriers in a meaningful way.

Two weeks after his release on his 18th birthday Eileen Gross was found with her throat slit lying upon her bed. Mickey and Minnie were torn to shreds and their various pieces were found immersed in Eileens blood. Birthday candle wax was found melted all over her face and a large dull butcher knife had been repeatedly shoved up her vagina and still protruded from her when the police came. Of course Leland was the primary suspect but he had an iron clad alibi. He had been at work as a server in a small casino cafe in Vegas.

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Ten days later Warren Hollis was found among the rubble of his trailer house that had burnt down around him. There was no candle wax found in his burnt out eyes but the coroner discovered the fried remains of Warrens genitals stuffed in his mouth. Having been a meth dealer the police assumed the fire to be some sort of retaliation from white trash meth freaks. The desultory investigation into the fire and murder lasted a couple of days and then was shelved. Case closed.

Meanwhile Leland applied to the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. He would major in biology and chemistry as an undergrad.

NOTE: I am highly reluctant to involve any state agency in ones life, especially CPS. But in the case of Leland I did call CPS and had them investigate Eileens activities. And it was a good call. Things took a remarkable turn for the better. Now, many years later, one would never know the horrors that once had been.

(To be continued....)