Placing my cart before the horse.

It's something I do, and I sabotage myself in the process.

When it became evident that I could no longer go out to work due to ill-health, I put my mind to work, determined to discover something I could do at home.

I was so focused on working, and working out what that would be posthaste, I skipped the part where I take time to get better and take the time for the creative discovery process.

I just wanted to get on with things.

But things are different, and I avoided facing just how different in my pursuit of occupational engagement.

I am different and I need to give myself time.

I have been unwell for quite some time.

In that time I tried my hand at a mountain of things to occupy myself. But I took them on not with a sense of now, but rather a notion of how can I turn this into something worthy.

In doing so I already declared in my mind that the days accomplishment was not worthy.

That it in fact fell short of an accomplishment no matter it's quality, because it was not part of my imagined potential pipe dreamed money spinner, that would return me my sense of worth, of financial and social contribution.

This week I decided to make a quilt.

Not a conventional quilt, but a mishmash of all the half creations that I have piled up.

I call it my recovery / memory quilt. I am making one and I'm making it for me.

This is the start of the first panel.

I have a lot of content to potentially add.

I don't know how long it will take. I have no time frame or expectation.

It is time to let go of these things in more than just this area of my life.

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