These last few days sure have been interesting!
Although, I initially felt very frustrated about my girls dad just turning up once again without warning, I have decided to just not let it bother me. Well I am trying my best, to not let it bother me.
I will always put my girls wishes first and I would never stop them from seeing their dad, even though I felt like telling him that he couldn't see them unless he started to respect me and my boundaries. But that would just result in my girls being punished. He usually only comes for a few days, so they really don't have much time with him.
This time round, my two eldest they had already planned to go for a sleep over with their friends and because he just turned up, there was no time to re arrange and they both really wanted to go. So off the went, the day after he arrived. I hope that he now realizes how important it is for them to know when he is coming, but only time will tell.
At the end of the day, I have no control over what he does,but I can control how I react, to what he does.
So for now, I chose to just be flippant with him, to not engage with him unless I need to and to just get on with my daily life as though he is not here. I know that some may think that I should just fire love at him,to be the bidder person. But to be honest I am not at that stage yet. There is still too much pain and anger inside of me, that I am dealing with and I am not going to pretend I am something, I am not!
He is staying next door to me at my neighbours, as my neighbour rents out one of his rooms on Airbnb. Again something I have no control over.He really is too close for my liking,but again what can I do, I just have to get on with it for now.
Like I said already, it is up to me how I react. I could get anger, but then I would just be using up all of my energy and for what? I am pretty exhausted by the end of each day anyway, I really don't need to exhaust myself even more.
I am aware that in the past, I would get upset and lose my temper and watch in dismay, as he walked away with a smug look on his face. Like that was exactly what he came for, now, now I am giving him nothing.
Why should I, he doesn't listen to me, he just gets defensive, as do I and those same old destructive patterns come into play. So instead I hold my own. I hold onto my energy,onto my power.
I am protecting myself and because of that, these last few days have been much less stressful. I choose to focus instead, on all the things in my life that I am grateful for. I have amazing children, I am living exactly as I want to. For sure there are some things I would like to improve on, lots of jobs that need to be done in my home and on the land.
But that's okay, they will happen when they happen. I am bringing my energy back into myself and giving myself the time I need to heal,the time I need to move forward.
I just completed my abundance challenge and it has shown me so much, it really shone a light into the parts of me that I had closed off. It has been so freeing to just let those thoughts come to the surface, to recognize how much I have been holding myself back.
But now, now I move forward with a more open heart, ready to embrace all the abundance that comes my way, because I deserve it. Just like everyone else does.
Both Images are mine, with the help of the Deep Dream Generator.
8 Pillars of TribeSteemUp
From what I can tell, you are doing the right thing for both your girls and yourself. You need time to heal, time to process and then you will be able to "smile and wave" lol. I have traveled that road too and Jude's father (my husband of 8 years) who walked out on us when Jude was 2 months old, also liked to randomly pop up like twice a year. This year, (10 years later).. he sent me some smug message about not wishing him happy birthday... I was like "and what of the first 9 birthdays your son had that you never bothered to call?" - He engages so seldom with Jude that Jude even forgets his name. I have NEVER prevented Jude from seeing him for the same reasons as you, but now, as a 10yr old little boy, Jude makes the decisions himself and when he does pop up, he normally opts for just a "day out" together and nothing more.
You just keep your focus on yourself and your girls!!! Children are far wiser than we give them credit... they will see the wood for the trees, if they haven't already and this will happen naturally. Be civil, adult and non-descript. It will all fall into place and I will put money on the fact that if he isn't already silently regretting (whatever happened) - he will one day.
...you just keep doing that!
xxx
thanks so much for this message @jaynie, it really means a lot and was what I needed to hear xxx Sorry to hear you are still having to deal with a very unreasonable ex. xx
So glad it helped love! Sometimes, just knowing that you are not alone, helps. As for my ex... meh! hahaha... life is good here, he can wallow in his corner of regret. lol
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Upvoted 👌 (Mana: 5/10 - need recharge?)
Yaaaay, so Happy you could take a new perspective on this episode. I think this attitude will surely guide you to better grounds. And no, you shouldn't spill love to him, just spill love on yourself and let the magics begin :)
Awesome pic by the way!
yes agreed on the pics! Reminds me quite a bit of @thereikiforest's work :)
thank you @fenngen for reaching out and yes you are right, I need to spill love on myself xxxx
@tipu curate
@giphy curate 100
A huge hug from @amico! 🤗
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Here's a hug to validate your efforts towards a better self.
thank you @lorreli xx
You're doing right. Ha, I have to swallow my anger towards him and I don't even know the guy! It's my Libran sense of JUSTICE that really gets tweaked here. But, as @jaynie so rightfully says, kids know what kids know. They'll honestly work it out for themselves. Look, firing love at some people is awesome, and compassion is needed, but even the gurus say that some people aren't worth spending time with - being more 'whatever' is probably the best thing for you right now - and then, you can fake not caring til you make it!
thank you beautiful, you have been such a huge support for me, I really do appreciate you a hell of a lot xxxx
I'm glad to see you've reached a form of equilibrium with this. I think you're taking the right approach. You can't control him and you've tried asking him to give you advance notice, hopefully now he realises why it's in his own best interest too. Sounds like you're also better off not giving him the satisfaction of you losing your cool at him.
thanks @minismallholding yeah I really do not what to give him any satisfaction what so ever xx
You’ve been visited by @porters on behalf of Natural Medicine. Congratulations on finishing your Abundance Challenge! I'm on Day 9 and it has been so beneficial. I think there will be another one in January put on through @NatrualMedicine. I'm glad you are moving on and not letting your ex effect you negatively so much - there is far too much living to do for that! Take care and keep letting that abundance flow! Love your beautiful pictures!
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thanks you @porters, yes you are right there is far too much living to be had xxx
A prayer for you to be brave and happy always. What (some) others want is not for us to be happy and come what may, if we try not to lose our cool, then they will be defeated. KArma will repay, trust me. God bless you
thanks so much @sayee xxxx
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