And now for my next dangerous act...
Have you ever felt like you are walking across a tight rope made of razor wire. Trying to cross a immense chasm, and not knowing if you can make it. All the while someone is pinging at one end of the wire and watching to see if they can make you fall. That's how I feel most of the time.
Most the time I feel like I am being pulled in so many directions and can't fully give anything the true me anymore. Everyone needs me it seem, and there isn't enough of me left over by the end of the day to have some for myself or my husband. This little man in our lives now is such an energy monster and completely drains me. Now it's come to the point in school that either I go in and sit with him all day to keep him on task and from misbehaving or he gets sent home within an hour.
Well today was the one day I wasn't suppose to go in because the special ed director was coming to observe. So I agreed to help another nephew to a placement test in his virtual school forum. When I get a call from the teacher (who is truly trying so hard to help little man) that either she needs me to come in and sit today or come pick him up.
He refuses to sit and do work for her, runs from the classroom, and is physically violent towards her and sometimes other students. I have no clue how to help him with this. We have tried everything we can think of.
He has been diagnosed with ADHD & ODD. Which is a combo of nightmares anyway. They are working towards an iep and believe he may have a sensory disorder and an emotional disorder. He sees a psychologist and a psychiatrist every month.
The problem I'm having is his parents won't follow doctors orders. They said to limit his screen time to 30 minutes daily. They let him play 30 minutes of video games, and then a couple movies each day he is there.
Also this last time my husband went to pick him up he found him outside with some new neighbors. The three neighbor boys had a bb gun playing with it without any supervision. When I tried to tell his parents how upset this made me I got yelled at for being rude. Was told he was their kid and the gun wasn't loaded anyway. That their neighbors were good people and they would never let their kids out with little man around and the gun loaded. Mind you they have known these people less than a week. Little man told me they were shooting tomatoes with plastic bullets from the sniper gun.
I am so tired of life being so difficult all the time and it seems like their part of my family is an extra large poisonous thorn under the skin where you can't quite pull it out.
Do you have any advice for me...other than cut them out and move on. There is no way I can to do that to little man. I love him so much and can't do something that will hurt him. I am trying really hard to forgive his mom for her lies and move past that a bit.
I'm not a parent, so maybe take what I have with a grain of salt. But this is actually quite common - the special needs stuff is just the tip of the iceberg. There are a few things that I recommend, sorry if they are things you already are doing or have tried:
He's not getting love from his parents right now, and so he's testing EVERY adult within range to the MAX. Like saying, "You say you love me, but would you still love me if I did this?" and purposely disobeys. The trust is gone.
However, there do have to be consequences for his reactions at school. You having to come in is like a game to him, but if you tell him if you have to come in because he's being disobedient, then he loses his video game system for a week.
Obviously it's something that you have to be willing and able to enforce, and the parents don't seem to be cooperative at all. Unless you want to seek guardianship over him, you will have to expect that you will send him home to them in better shape than what he'll come back to you in.
Are you guys getting psychological help? He is, and that is great, but be sure you get it for you.
Is home-schooling an option? You're not getting anything done as it is, so possibly this again would help control the environment.
Lastly, as much as you can control it:
-No sugar, no sugar, no sugar!
-No wheat, no wheat, no wheat!
-Avoid any processed foods because they contain preservatives, food dyes, and other chemicals that can worsen his condition
-Think whole foods, and if at all possible, organic
Look up info on the ketogenic diet . This is the diet given to children at St. Jude's Hospital because studies showed that this diet help stop seizures in kids.
I know it's tough, but if he's fighting external pressures like family life, then his body needs to be given the best chance it can get.
Don't give up, even if you don't see positive results, you are a positive influence in his life. He can't really understand it now or change his own behavior, but someday he'll know just how good you were for him. :)
Thank you for that support, you are awesome. I know this means so very much to both of us. We're trying to do a good deal of that already, but financially it's tough to go all-in on something like the ketogenic diet, but we'll be looking into it.
We actually did the home school bit for awhile, but his psychologist says no home school b/c he needs the socialization. I can understand that, but I have a feeling with the way it's going, that it's going to turn the home school direction anyway.
Thank you.
Hey keep me posted. I know this has to be tough, but it's so worth it!
We will. Not sure which direction we'll end up taking yet... the direction of uncooperative support or the direction of finding ourselves more. Time will tell and hopefully nobody looks badly upon us if we show a bit of selfishness in this area. shrugs
Thank you so much. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond. I tried several times and I just couldn't find the words to thank you for the kind words. So thank you! I will definitely look into this diet. I hope it can help him. The problem there is his parents will not follow it on weekends. At least having it sometime will be beneficial I hope. I asked last year not to give him anything with red or yellow dye in it. They sent him with fruit snacks, puddings, lunchables, m&ms, and red juice a few weeks back. I really think at this point that they are doing it to try to make me upset and start an argument. So I just try to ignore them for the most part.
Ya, ignore them. You can't control their actions, and every little bit you can do will have an impact on him. At the very least you'll be cutting out these things by half in his overall diet. :)
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I don't have kids, and have dealt very little with special needs, so any advice I could give would be something you have already heard, but a little word of encourage sometimes goes a long way, so that's what I'll contribute.
I have had that feeling of walking on a tightrope, and what I have learned is in this life everything goes through seasons, some seasons are much longer that others but all seasons one day come to an end. Either seasons get better or you get stronger.
Cheering for you, your husband and the little one
@practicallyapro, kind words go so far in making us feel that we're doing the right thing, or at least that we're not failing. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much. I hope this season comes to an end soon. I know this in someway will teach me a lesson, and one day I will look back on it and be able to see it. I just need to learn to balance better for now.
Wife of mine, I hope that we find some solace and assistance for him. I would hate to give him back and basically destroy any bit of progress he's made. Unfortunately, if we're not getting the cooperation for his parents; and/or if his parents are not willing to put his needs above their own, then it may end with cutting the rope.
We'd still be for him, but we'd not stop our lives for it... we've already put aside the possibility of adoption and we've been paying their way far too long.
I know I sound a bit on the cruel side, but I've watched it destroy your excellent attitude and tear you apart. I don't want you to be that way.
Just know that whatever is decided, I am here for you and with you, standing at your side and holding your hand for all time (and 4 awhile). I love you more than anything else in this world and want only the best for you.
I love you more words can describe. You are the reason I strive to be a better person in life.
There is always someone to talk to when times get tough. We are building a community of parents to help support one another in good times and bad. Come join us on our Discord Channel, even if just to vent.
I think that is exactly what my wife needs. She needs a safe haven just to vent about everything without fear of retribution or extra drama being piled on top. I know she doesn't actually get on Steemit a whole lot, but she'll appreciate that as an option.
That's exactly why I joined this community. Eventually I will get into sharing my art with the world here, but right now I don't even have time to paint. This all consuming ball of energy next to me leaves me no time. Thank you for your support.
Oh - thank you for sharing. Many parents and 'foster' parents face these challenges. You and your husband, and nephew are are in my prayers.
Thank you for your support and prayers.
Thank you @globocop, and thank you for the respite that you were able to give me on Sunday with your show on MSP Waves. It was nice to hear your views and thoughts. Your prayers are quite welcome and appreciated.
It's a privilege to have you as a listener - and to know that the Word of God provides respite and comfort. If you have a prayer request, just let Jane or I know dear @dbzfan4awhile. :)
I read your husband's post on your nephew as well - I pray for you guys and I hope all the love will pay off in the end. Keep on going. You are stronger than what you think. Following and resteeming
Thank you for the support. Hopefully it will all turn out okay. I just don't know yet if we are or not. It may be short lived anyway. His parents could take him away anytime they choose to and we have no say in the matter.
I really hope and pray that everything works out - he is obviously better off with you
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