Start Building Up WALLS In Your Marriage Today!
Wait a minute? Aren't we supposed to be tearing down walls in our marriage? Some yes. Some No.
There are two types of walls that impact marriages.
- Walls that should be torn down
- Walls that should be built up/fortified
We will talk about both in this post. This post is intended for anyone who is married, plans to be married soon, or knows someone who is married. I think we just covered everyone! As always I look forward to hearing from you. Be sure to leave a comment.
Tear Down The Inside Walls
We tend to talk about tearing down walls (i.e. emotional, spiritual, and physical barriers) between our spouse or significant other.
Tearing down walls in a relationship is similar to the demolition work you see on home improvement shows. The host is always talking about taking out a wall to create an open concept.
Demolition is hard (and often painful) work, especially in the context of marriage. But the openness it can create is valuable.
Imagine if your relationship with your spouse or significant other was ...
- Filled with patience towards one another
- Expressed with love that spoke to each other's needs
- Mutually respectful and encouraging
- Open and honest about future dreams, how to use money, and raising children.
Admittedly, this is a lot easier said than done, but what if you removed the walls of ...
- suspicion
- bitterness/anger
- retaliation/revenge
- making the other person "pay"
The goal of tearing down inside walls is to remove any barriers that prevent communication, intimacy, and growth as a couple. But more often we give the cold shoulder or make the other person pay when we feel hurt.
There are some walls that you need to tear down, but there are other walls that you need to build up.
Build Up The Outside Walls
The outside walls of a house are intended to protect the inhabitants from invasion and the elements. We can take this illustration another step by comparing our marriage to castles walls. The walls of a castle are built to protect the inhabitants from the enemy.
Sometimes it is easy to identify the enemy, but other times the enemy is cleverly disguised.
We must carefully protect the walls of our relationships and guard the entrance so that people, addictions, work, hobbies, etc do not storm the castle and take over.
Again communication is key. One of weakest points of a marriage wall is lack of communication and lack of connection.
When you are not communicating with your spouse or significant other, I guarantee that someone else is. We all naturally try to fill voids in our lives. We want to feel connected, respected, important and loved. When we do NOT feel loved or respected by our spouse, the attention of another person seems to meet a personal need.
Not only should we remove barriers that exist between ourselves and our spouse, we also need to fortify our relationship so that no one has a chance to invade our castle.
The building up of outside walls is an ongoing process. It is not a one-and-done event. The outside enemy is persistent. He or she is patiently developing a plan that exploits our personal weaknesses. And in the right moment, the enemy will attack.
The enemy does not care about how a relationship is ravaged or about the collateral damage left behind. It is our job is keep the walls strong. It is our job to protect those who are inside the walls.
Final Thoughts
My wife and I attended an event last night about building strong marriages. We have been married for over 16 years, but we still desire to learn more about how to grow together emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
The information I shared with you today is information that was shared with me and my wife (along with about 20 other couples). I am blessed to be married to the most beautiful and kind woman I know. I am blessed with an incredible marriage. But I cannot become complacent. Marriage is hard work and a labor of love. Marriage can bring out the best in people, but it can also bring out the worst.
I hope that this post will encourage you to tear down the inside walls and build up the outside walls of your marriage. Both are worthy investments into your life and lives of future generations.
Let's continue the conversation.
- Does the picture of the inside walls and outside walls connect with you?
- What steps do you take to tear down the inside walls?
- What steps do you take to build up the outside walls?
Thanks for stopping by and adding to the conversation!
@sumatranate
Image Source: https://pixabay.com/en/noble-castle-hofburg-imperial-palace-789501/
My wife and I strengthen our perimeter walls and try to prevent any interior walls from going up. Simply saying what we mean and receiving words at face value, rather than reading into them and being offended, helps keep the 'interior walls' from forming. @ironshield
@ironshield, your advice is wise. I am excited that you have grown your marriage in such a way where you do not read into what is being said. That is a great place to be!
I love this post! I wrote one previously about safeguarding your marriage on Steemit (or any social media). This day and age, it's hard for some people to figure that out.
Oh man, that there is the TRUTH! It is so crazy how we will neglect the most important relationship in our lives and then wonder why it falls apart. We have to keep investing in our spouse in order to keep the marriage alive and thriving. Thanks for a great post!
Thanks for the kind words. I fully believe that we must continue to work on our marriage. It is a worthwhile investment that is meant to last "till death do us part." Keep working on keeping your marriage strong. I will keep doing the same.
"So long as we both shall live" sounds so much nicer at a ceremony. ;) Ha. Yes, it is a lot of work but worth it to not have the fallout of a divorce...especially if kids are involved.
Ha! You are correct. Your way sounds nicer, but it seems like people do not take either seriously. I appreciate your contributions to this conversation.
This is a great post and should be made into a book/module for couples who are going to get married. Too often, the walls that should be torn down are fortified. It's unfortunate and it leads to either a miserable life or divorce.
Thanks for the kind words. I would love to create a book or online course about marriage (but unfortunately I don't have a lot of time right now). I completely agree that is unfortunate how so many people get divorced because of outside attacks on their marriages.
Thanks for stopping by!
I agree with the idea of knocking down walls, but it must do both partners. Then it will lead to mutual respect, understanding, trust. Otherwise, the demolition of the walls will not give result.
Yes, yes, yes! Both sides have to come to the table and be ready to commit to knocking down the interior walls. One person can be the catalyst, but both people need to be on board.
@sumatranate, as long as my husband acknowledges that I'm right and he's wrong, we have a great marriage. LOL. On a serious note, the picture of walls doesn't connect with me and marriage. I give my husband complete credit for not allowing either of us to stack enough bricks to build a wall in the first place... and it's not for lack of trying on my part to build them at one time...(I just finally gave up.) As for walls that should be fortified, we have worked together to deliberately focus on what we want to achieve together rather than what we want to avoid. It's by running after a common dream and supporting the unique dreams we each have, that tends to keeps the crap at bay...
Glad that you both have work on/ struggled through the process of not letting walls build up. The idea may start with one person but it does not take place unless both people agree.
Understanding how two individuals live together in unity is key to buiding up the outside walls.
Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by sumatranate from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, someguy123, neoxian, followbtcnews, and netuoso. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows. Please find us at the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.
If you would like to delegate to the Minnow Support Project you can do so by clicking on the following links: 50SP, 100SP, 250SP, 500SP, 1000SP, 5000SP.
Be sure to leave at least 50SP undelegated on your account.
Hey guys I am new to steemit and just uploaded my first post, please check it out and let me know what you think? thankshttps://steemit.com/relationships/@chickenburger/the-truth-about-why-relationships-fail
Congratulations! This post has been chosen as one of the daily Whistle Stops for The STEEM Engine!
You can see your post's place along the track here: The Daily Whistle Stops, Issue # 64 (3/5/18)
The STEEM Engine is an initiative dedicated to promoting meaningful engagement across Steemit. Find out more about us and join us today!