REPOST 1/10: Why I don't wear a wedding ring - philosophy and advice for my children
As I mentioned yesterday, I am nearing my Steemit birthday, and am blessed with many new friends (followers!) here. When I joined I wrote a few blogs in my first month when I probably only had about 50 followers, and I really would like to share them once again. I have selected 10 of my favourite blogs and will re-submit them, possibly slightly edited.
Central to "my life story", who I am, is my family and that all began when I met my husband in 1989. I know we are exceedingly privileged to share a love story like ours.
The term "other half" is an over-used cliche, except when it is not. This is not a love story, though there is a lot of love in the story.
I have been thinking about my own experience with romantic love as my teenage daughter enters the world of serious relationships. Having parents with a bond like ours is not easy for her, as how many people meet their soulmate at 18 years old and spend the rest of their lives together? When it comes to matters of the heart there are no rules though. I believe each of our souls have their own lessons to learn in our own human lifetimes, in our own skin suits.
I married in 1994, mainly for the reason white South Africans feared all hell would break loose after the first black government ( the ANC) came into power. We had vague plans to emigrate to Mauritius (my husband's birthplace) if the situation in the country got too bad. Well, we got Nelson Mandela and the rest is history.
Now I'm older though, I would not encourage my children to marry. (I also have two younger boys.) Why should there have to be a piece of paper to legitimise love. This also makes practical sense when considering the high divorce rate. If you are in a serious relationship and cohabit, draw up a legal contract to ensure fair financial terms, during, and for after the relationship, especially if children are involved. Stay together and revel in your love while you have it (it might well be forever). I don't suggest leave at the first sign of problems, every enduring love is regularly tested, and love, like a business, must be worked at.
Truthfully, I am never jealous. You only have to look around to realise most people don't stay together forever. I've been with my partner for over 28 years (gasp). I don't take it for granted he is "my property". He is free at any stage to make other life choices. He does not wear a wedding ring, neither do I. If I had to lose him I would be devastated, but I wish to be with someone who wants to be with me. We fear loss and grief, but they are undeniable facts of life. Jealousy is like feeling pain in advance of an event that might never happen.
What I do insist on: My daughter and my sons must be financially independent at all stages of their lives. Loss can happen in a heartbeat and only we can be responsible for our own paths, as well as be able to care for the children we create. My boys are young, but I constantly emphasise they should only date independent women. (Or men, if that were to be their preference). Any of my children may experience one love (unlikely), many loves, or even no love. The most important thing is that they are satisfied and secure where they find themselves at any given moment, and if this is no longer the case, they must have the freedom, and the guts to move on.
Weddings are ridiculously expensive and I do have an issue with costly weddings. Personally I regard them as an over the top act of consumerism, though if that is what you want and you have the money, it is your choice, and most definitely not up to me to judge. My problem with weddings is families often take on debt for an event which is held more to impress the rest of the family and friends, than anything else. My husband and I decided to get married in court, and held a small get together in our backyard. I have never felt cheated!
~*~ Our reason for existence is love, but love can only be felt. Never grasped.~*~
Thank you for reading! @onetree
Bonus picture of an already hideous car, even more hideously decorated!