Should relationships be built on pity?

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Sincerely no, in fact a thousand times No.

Love is such a beautiful thing that everyone wants it. We could be blinded by the illusion of pity and then mistake it for love. While it is very okay to show empathy or compassion toward others, it is very easy to mistake this for love. love is enduring and patient. Everyone wants someone who would be there for them through the thick and through the thin. We believe that one who will not leave us in our darkest moments will stick with us forever. Sometimes we want to reciprocate what they've done for us by getting into relationship with them or maybe into marriage only to find out that we've set a trap for them and for ourselves.

It's very okay to show pity to someone. It still shows you have humanity left in you. But don't go to the extent of paying with your life. That they were of help to you in the past when no one else was is no indication that it was born of love. It could just be pity. We pity people because we assume that could be us. Putting ourselves in their shoes, we know how they feel, maybe we've been there before and so can relate well with their situation. Maybe we just can't help it because we would love others to reach out to us too if the table happens to have been turned. But I tell you my dear friend. Don't do this without a balance. Some people help others out of pity without anything else attached but the recipient of the help may mistake it for love. Love with your heart but take your head along.

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Pity should not be a basis for a relationship whether you are the one receiving or on the giving side. A few years from now, you will feel trapped. You or your partner will feel suffocated and irritated by little things that never did matter to you about the person. Then the person will take it that you have changed and stopped loving them. They will become a burden such that you will begin to endure instead of enjoying your relationship with them.

Now, look at the bigger picture. Do you know how many years there are in forever? Marriage is supposed to be till death do you part, that is if you are already married to the person. How do you intend to live through the day, every day, every week, wishing that things would change and you could have your freedom or maybe at least see or hear them die so you could be relieved of your burden. For sentimental reasons, we do have Pity or compassion on people. This shouldn't be to your own detriment. Don't tango with them. Otherwise, the good you intend doing now will be interpreted as bad tomorrow.

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Few years ago, I met someone. I truly was attracted to him until we got close. Close enough that he shared his heartaches with me. His eyes were streaming tears as he shared his story. Maybe he didn't know that I did notice that. I felt totally sorry for him. Sorry for what he was going through especially because he was much older than myself. He just couldn't help it. His heart has been heavy for long and he's been looking for an opportunity to unburden himself. You know what it feels like when you're going through so much that it looks like the world was closing in on you and nobody to share with. I tried my best to comfort him with words.

In my quiet time, I would pray for him. Few months down the line, I was in a relationship with him. I never thought I would because prior to this time, he had asked me out but I refused. His tears changed the game. I thought it was love until about a year later. Each time I decide to quit, he'll bring in tears and I'll change my mind. There were times we even cried together. I felt bad for him. My sister told me clearly that I wasn't in love with him. I only felt pity for him because of his situation and by the time reality dawns on me, it might be too late. Not like I haven't seen that for myself but I wasn't willing to admit. The scales eventually fell off my eyes and I took the exit door. I don't want someone feeling like they owe me their life simply because I was of help to them. That isn't love. I don't want to stay in the relationship simply because I had pity for him. That's not love either.

Humans are very skilled at deception. That's why we have movies. They act it out so well that you could even mistake it for reality. Some people know that that is the only way to get you. That's the only weapon with which they can assess your heart. Others will deploy every arsenal within their reach just to make sure you do their biddings. In the story I shared above, it was so bad that I was almost losing myself because I wanted to help.

Some people like to play victim because they love the attention it brings them. Thus releasing them of their responsibilities and putting it on someone else. What a cheap way to attract attention. For some others, it validates or justifies their tears and other reaction, making it seem like it isn't their fault, thus taking the blames off them. Don't let people drain you with their personal burdens and then get you trapped into thinking it is love. Soon the desire will fizzle out when you realize that you are not compatible at other levels. If you make a mistake of dragging them or having them drag you into marriage, they will begin to resent you. They will hate you for this.