Clawing out of the abyss and into life: A personal account

Have you ever wondered what makes your relationship work; I mean the relationship you have with your significant other. I've often wondered why we were attracted to each other, how we got through the early stages of getting to know, and understand, each other, then the ensuing journey of life with that person in general...Which is still rolling out I'm pleased to say.

To be honest I don't really know what has made our relationship work. Honesty? Yes for sure. Trust? Definitely. Passion, sense of humour, spirit of adventure, understanding, respect, courtesy and manners? of course! Chivalry? Yep, I do that too. The ability to grow as individuals as part of a whole? Most assuredly...But still, all of those things don't necessarily mean a relationship will survive does it? Ours has though, for 32 years now.

This is an image of my wife I took around 2014. I'm no photographer so don't critique it too much. At this point we'd been together for 27 years, since 1987 in fact.

At the time we had just finalised one of the most terrible times of our lives together in which we had lost almost everything we owned due to the actions of a business partner gone rogue. We lost seven figures in cash money and had to sell the large house we were living in, vehicles and other high-value items to make ends meet. We moved into the first house I ever bought and started to rebuild: Our financial position, my business, our lives as a unit and importantly myself as an individual. It was an unpleasant time and one that almost ended me as a functional human. [Although I am from another planet...So maybe I should say a functional alien pretending to be human].

On the day I took this photo we were in the botanical gardens near the city taking a walk. It was free entertainment. We had literally just signed off on the previous 12 months of hell and we thought a walk, the time to actually stop and breathe, would be nice. We also took the time to chat about the future because we could finally see we had one. Yes, we splurged on a cup of coffee each too, although it cost more than we could afford.

You probably won't see it in the photo, but my wife is sad. You see, she knew what the last 12 months had done to me and wasn't sure how to fix me. She hated the person for what they had done me and wondered if I would ever be the same version of me she was in love with. The loss of a million dollars and more wasn't even on her radar at that stage; I was, she was and we were though. Of course, I didn't know all that at the time.

Anyway, here we are after 32 years, still together, still strong, despite being different people than the kids we were when we met back in 1987. We are tougher, softer, more understanding, and less trusting. We are both fiercely independent yet need and want each other above all else. We are more generous but also covetous of the most valuable commodity we have, each other. We are kinder and yet would go to war with others to protect the other, our lives and relationship; Seriously, to war, gladly. That's the passionate side of our natures coming out. We stand side by side, back to back.

My wife and I have seen adversity in our lives; Lost people, lost ourselves and more material things like money and things. However we have never lost sight of what carries the most weight in life, for us anyway. Is it the diamonds my wife sold, the prestige cars I disposed of, the national award-winning home we lived in and so on? No, that is like dust on the wind. What carries the most weight is our relationship, the other person and our individual-self. Without those things nothing else matters.

My wife and I clawed our way from the abyss, emotionally and financially and have ourselves to thank. We are both non-religious so don't find our strength through imaginary friends; We find it within ourselves and within each other. We do not make apologies for being successful in our relationship or financially or for having a great life furnished with the things and experiences we desire. Why would we apologise for applying the hard work, effort and ownership that one must deploy to gain such things? We also don't thrust it in other people's faces. We just live our lives and enjoy what we have before we die. What else is there?

So...Phew. What makes a relationship work? I don't really know so I'm sorry I can't write a list of the secrets to a successful relationship. I mean what even is a successful relationship? What I think it is may be different for others and so what we all have with our significant others is simply a relationship and the only way forward is to deploy it in the best way we know how, minute by minute, with the intention of creating the best version of it at any given point.

You may note the blog signature I use at the end of my posts. It's not a simple catchphrase to us, it's an important reminder, a part of our individual, and relationship, ethos and a deeply personal mantra that has helped us through some of the toughest times of our lives and reminds us of the way forward. I don't write it to try and imprint it on other's...More to reinforce it to myself. It may resonate with some or not, it simply doesn't matter. Each man and woman on the planet must decide what's right for themselves and act accordingly.

Oh, if you're wondering how one keeps the excitement, passion and interest in a relationship for over 32 years...Only you can know the answer to that. I know it, but only in my own relationship. There's no right or wrong in life...Just life.

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Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default and aim small, miss small.
Discord: @galenkp#9209 🇦🇺