Dr. TLK _ My Journey with Depression _ The Lights Outside the BlackHole
"My depression & anxiety is slowly killing me. From the inside. Life is killing me."
Was the first sentence of a post I just read...
So I wrote this post as a reply to that person, so it may sound personalized a bit, but I thought sharing it would probably help someone else who is going through rough times in their life with anxiety and depression.
Someone else who is not speaking up and just holding everything inside of them.
Been there and done that...
Dear Friend,
I hope you will believe me when I say that I have had anxiety, severe depression and panic attacks for a long time. I have literally zero support from my family. I have even seen a therapist for few years and I still take antidepressants for my depression to keep it from over-blowing.
However, none of that helped me to move on in my life and stop that killer cycle. At least not until I decided not to indulge in it and stop making it the center of my life that eats me from within.
The minute I decided that I want to live a happy life was truly what made a difference for me. It was not easy and I still struggle sometimes keeping my head above water, but whenever I dive deep in depression, I remind myself not to stay there for long and pick myself up as fast as I can.
"To be perfectly honest, I should probably have given up already. - I don't even know why or what it is that fuels my engine to continue."
I am glad you didn't give up. Your fuel is your desire to be happy and live a life free from depression. You just need to acknowledge that and set it as your most important goal.
"Perhaps it is the long awaited desire to finally accomplish something good. Something to be genuinely proud of. To prove for those around me that I truly am a winner..."
"Or at least prove that I'm not a loser without goals in life."
I had the exact same feelings before. I wanted to prove to my family that I am not the loser they told me that I am. But I found that trying to satisfy or convince others never works in the long run because:
- They will always find something to criticize. It is in human nature to look for the negative than to see the positive.
- You will never be satisfied no matter how successful you become (at least I wasn't even after finishing a PhD in a foreign country all by myself and with zero help or support from my family, neither psychologically or monetary). The reason I was not satisfied was because those I was trying to prove myself to were not satisfied. Ever.
- You simply need to accept yourself the way you are, with your mistakes and qualities, before other people accept you. After that, work in improving yourself for your own sake not for anyone else.
"I have 99 problems and whenever I solve one of them, I get 2 more.
That's my life. In a nutshell. Solve one problem and get even more in return."
From my experience, I learned that any problem I get on my way is meant to teach me something important for my future journey. If I solve the problem in the wrong way, they will keep increasing and repeating themselves endlessly.
So I stopped resisting these problems or trying to solve them the usual way. Instead I started trying to understand what the Universe wants me to learn and figure out what have I been lacking in my solutions so far. Then I try to be creative about it, change the way I approach it, solve it, or look at it. Many problems disappeared after that, but of course other new problems appeared because I am far from perfect and I still need to learn and grow.
"The worst part of my life right now, is that I have to do everything by myself. I can't rely on anyone else besides myself because most people around me doesn't care or doesn't understand what I'm going through. It doesn't matter how many times I'm trying to explain it."
I know how it feels to be lonely and alone. But if you keep your heart open, you will find people that support you. Maybe with little words or gestures. Just like you said, you wrote your post for steemians to read because you feel they support you.
I support you even if I don't know who you are and what you are going through. I still want to support you as much and as long as I can, with whatever I can.
"I have all the motivation in the world but I just can't do everything by myself. I lack energy to do everything by myself... But the annoying thing is that I am the one who have to do all these things..."
Living with depression and anxiety takes a lot of energy. It is like having a black hole inside ourselves that suck all the light away from us.
"I sent an application to study. I want to work with mental illness and help others who are suffering from mental illness."
I wanted to do that as well and got rejected. Now I am building myself as a life coach to support people like you and me to have better life by helping them achieve self satisfaction and acceptance and achieve their life mile stones.
Having a degree is not everything, sometimes a word of support or a smile can make a big difference in someone's life (Could save their life even). You are not excluded from this word of support and smile to yourself.
"I will, somehow, survive and manage to do this. I will study, learn and help others around me. I will work with people who suffers from mental illness. I will and I have to. It's my passion and it feels kind of like my destiny. Even though I don't really believe in such things."
I am sure you will succeed in your passion, one way or another.
"I just wish that life would deal me a good hand and help me win this battle."
Please believe me when I say, the hand life gave you is great. You just need to look at it differently and make the best out of it.It is not easy but it is doable.
I did it and I am sure you can do it as well.
Sorry for the long comment! But I hope you know now that you have one more person that cares about you and wants to support you. So don't hesitate to ask for help and I will do what is in my ability for you :)
Take care and best of luck with your deadlines/life.
Dr. TLK :D
Logo is by @orcheva
Hi TLK. Sorry to drop in off-topic, but my recent post was inspired by you. You might want to check it out (Code Is Law).
https://steemit.com/steem/@lexiconical/code-is-law-only-when-i-want-otherwise-it-s-abuse-the-shaming-syndicate-of-steemit-our-own-brand-of-sjws-and-social-repression
Thank you very much my dear @lexiconical for the note.
I am touched to know that I inspired writing one of your posts.
By the way, you are welcome to drop in any time (on or off topic) :)
img credz: pixabay.com
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Very well said, @theleapingkoala
Perhaps everyone has passed through difficult times and overcome the problems one way or the other.
When the problems deepen, the feeling is like you are falling in a hole and there is no exit. But there is always.
Little words and gestures can do miracles. Unexpected helping hand can give you hope and encouragement.
Thank you very much for your kind words and support, as usual, my dear :)
Very well written. Sometimes we just have no control over what happens, but what we do have control over is perspective. With that, we can determine how we react to situations.
This post is definitely a light in the darkness of many people's lives.
Thank you very much for your kind words and your support @alvinauh.
Hope others will feel the same as well :D
Internalized anger is never good, (anxiety depression, self pity, etc.) .
I have found getting into a fight (martial arts), or vigorous exercise is the most therapeutic catharsis to getting out of the victim hood hole/role.
Change the negative into positive, by action, not self introspection.
This just leads to more 'inner looking' perspectives,- which ultimately is the one of the main causes of the problem.
(imo)
Until meeting you here, on steemit, I wasn't even aware the 'life coaching' industry existed, tbh.
After our great discussions, I have been talking to another 11 or 12 'life coaches' on line, and came to some very interesting conclusions.. (I know 11/12 'life coaches' is not empiricism, but very v. interesting none the less).
I'll be posting later, and would love your input/comments.
We have some very similar objectives, with completely different maps! lol
Hi @lucylin,
Thank you for sharing your experience and suggestion.
My comment is based on my experience as well. Martial arts and exercises don't work for me. Introspection works.
People are different, what works with someone may or may not work with the other.
I will try my best to read your post and give a useful comment as much as possible. However, I find myself not desiring to read many negative thoughts or criticisms that, I feel, are not very constructive or trying to emphasize the validity of a certain point of view over others no matter what.
Thanks again!
Very true indeed.
My post is somewhat of a 'survey'.
Truthful objective data is only that - it's neither negative or positive - that's would only be in the interpretation of data.
Obviously I will give my personal interpretations to the data, and would really value/appreciate yours.
Can you recommend/link any good life coaching websites? (in regard to teaching life coaching skills) cheers
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