The Kwiksave Chronicles of Slobberchops - Part Nine

This is a candid recollection of my memories working at Kwiksave (the now defunct discount supermarket chain) as a ‘Stock Lad’.

I wasted over FOUR years of my life in this horrible dump, and still wake up with nightmare's occasionally thinking I'm still there.

Some of the names have been slightly changed simply to save my arse in case anyone takes offence at some of the details regarding my facts or opinions. Many of the people mentioned are now dead as this happened so long ago, but their siblings are not.

This will be a multi-part article as there is simply too much to tell in one sitting. I hope you find it as entertaining as I found recalling it from my brain.

Other articles in the series:
The Kwiksave Chronicles of Slobberchops - Part One
The Kwiksave Chronicles of Slobberchops - Part Two
The Kwiksave Chronicles of Slobberchops - Part Three
The Kwiksave Chronicles of Slobberchops - Part Four
The Kwiksave Chronicles of Slobberchops - Part Five
The Kwiksave Chronicles of Slobberchops - Part Six
The Kwiksave Chronicles of Slobberchops - Part Seven
The Kwiksave Chronicles of Slobberchops - Part Eight

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‘Some kids are best left to fend for themselves, and others were born to stack shelves’ – Steven Wilson

May 1983 – Is this Love?

In 1982 I bought a Sinclair ZX81, and by the end of that year had managed to get myself one of those new ZX Spectrum computers. I was intrigued with this device and unknown to me at the time my new hobby was forging my future career.

On the way to work I would generally pass a newsagent and buy C&VG (Computer and Video Games), a monthly dedicated to these new devices, and so the arrival of yet another female checkout operator passed me by.

During my lunch break I generally had my head buried in this magazine looking at the BASIC listings and contemplating typing them in order to play yet another terrible game.

Most of the time the listings had bugs which would result in the program not running, or even worse freezing your computer. If you hadn’t saved beforehand this was seriously bad news.

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The new girl would sometimes chat to me in the small canteen about abstract topics that I can’t recall. I talked back to her but really didn't think much of it. She seemed nice and was fresh from school but was otherwise unremarkable.

The next event I recall extremely well. It was a Tuesday and the store closed at 1pm that day, leaving everyone with the afternoons free. I was filling the freezers with solid bags of frozen chips and my hands were red with the cold.

A middle aged lady approached me and asked me if I knew the new checkout operator, Barbara.

‘Yes I know her’, was my response.
‘Well she is interested in you…, you get my meaning?’, and with a wink, walked away.

I was stunned, and I mean temporarily rooted to the spot in a daze for a few seconds. I didn’t get a chance to respond as the lady had vanished by the time I had regained my senses.

I took me the best part of an hour to approach a bored looking Barbara who was sitting at one of the checkouts. Tuesday was hardly a busy day, and half of the time the operators simply sat on their arses counting the seconds away.

‘Hi’, I said,

‘Hi’, she retorted with a shy smile,
(why had I never noticed that smile before)

‘Would you like to go to the pictures tonight with me?’, I stammered out, desperately trying to keep calm.

The ‘pictures’ was a slang word commonly used for the Cinema. I verified with my daughter that is in fact now extinct among the young.

‘OK’, she said in a timed voice.
(was that a blush I detected)

At this point I had to walk away as I was shaking like a leaf. This girl actually liked me, ME? I couldn’t believe my luck!

I still had to make some plans where we would meet, and at what time but one step at a time @slobberchops. I really needed to cool down and get a grip first.

That morning passed so slowly for me. All this had happened around 10am, and neither of us was due to leave until 1pm and what’s more, a load was due.

A ‘load’ was an articulated truck filled to the brim with pallets of food. It needed to be unloaded and stacked in the back shop ready for the next day. As usual myself, Welder and the truck driver did the work while Dire supervised, aka did bugger all.

1pm came and went, the load was a little late and we had to stick around until it was finished.

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Had I blown my chance with Barbara? I raced out of the back shop on to the shop floor at around 1.15pm, and there she was, waiting with that small smile I was about to fall in love with.

I immediately went tingly all over, approached her with tentative steps and enquired where she lived in a tentative voice.

I actually had an idea it was close to where I lived, as I had seen her on my bus several times but had kept my distance to date.

Sure enough, one stop further toward Rawtenstall AND in walking distance was her parents’ house. We made plans to meet at 6pm outside the motorcycle store, approximately 200 yards from her house and then duly separated.

I don’t know how I got home that day as we technically should have been on the same bus, but until things were a little more ‘official’ it didn’t seem right to catch the same one. Does that sound strange?

I may a feeling that I have snuck into Fitzpatrick’s Temperance bar, a small drinks store that sold non alcoholic beverages with names such as ‘Black Beer and Raisin’, ‘Blood Tonic’, and genuinely took you back to the 1930’ when entering while claiming to be ‘Britain's Last Temperance’, I just can’t remember.

A pint of Black Beer would have been enough time for me to 'miss the bus' and ensure I didn't see Barbara on the way home, that would have been plain awkward.

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The picture above is what it used to be like when I frequented it in the 1980's. It does still exist but has been modernised and in my opinion has lost its charm and flavour.

You can no longer buy ‘Black Beer and Raisin’ as they can no longer source it. A real shame as it was a unique drink.

To be continued...

All stock photographs I have used are filtered as ‘Labelled for reuse’ or 'Labelled for noncommercial reuse' and the sources have been cited.