The Kwiksave Chronicles of Slobberchops - Part Four

This is a candid recollection of my memories working at Kwiksave (the now defunct discount supermarket chain) as a ‘Stock Lad’.

I wasted over FOUR years of my life in this horrible dump, and still wake up with nightmare's occasionally thinking I'm still there.

Some of the names have been slightly changed simply to save my arse in case anyone takes offence at some of the details regarding my facts or opinions. Many of the people mentioned are now dead as this happened so long ago, but their siblings are not.

This will be a multi-part article as there is simply too much to tell in one sitting. I hope you find it as entertaining as I found recalling it from my brain.

Other articles in the series:
The Kwiksave Chronicles of Slobberchops - Part One
The Kwiksave Chronicles of Slobberchops - Part Two
The Kwiksave Chronicles of Slobberchops - Part Three

Source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:KwikSave,Church_Lane-geograph.org.uk-_350688.jpg

‘Some kids are best left to fend for themselves, and others were born to stack shelves’ – Steven Wilson

Around June 1981 on another of my many monotonous working days, I was using my stock knife to cut away the tops of boxes of Lurpack butter. This ALWAYS resulted in the top butters’ getting slashed and thus many items being added to the damages box.

Did I care? Not really. Nothing was ever said and my motivation for not slashing them open was next to zero. I was close to becoming a zombie with no human interaction for close to four months.

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lurpak#/media/File:Lurpak_Butter_250g_unsalted_UK_market. Jpg

A red-faced Mort came storming down one of the aisle’s making a beeline for me. The store was not busy but there were customers about.

‘Why didn’t you tell me you had a criminal record’, He demanded loudly enough for some heads to turn.

So much for subtlety, that was the Mort style.

After explaining in my most sincere voice about Carrot, the interview and application form, he looked suspiciously at me. I was telling the truth but he didn’t seem to buy it.

‘Well we will have to keep you because your trained up now’, he stated gruffly after a long moment and then added, ‘Ill be calling Carrot to verify your story’

With that he waltzed off back to the office most likely to put his feet up and read the morning newspaper.

He couldn’t get rid of me and knew it. He would have to do some work then and that just wouldn’t do would it? He never mentioned this again.

Mort’s wife and kid used to visit sometimes. I think the kid was around 1.5-2 years old and like any father he was insanely proud of his son. ‘Big lad isn’t he’, he would say.

I don’t know how many times he said, ‘Big lad’, but its somehow got stuck in my mind.

In response I would generally give a grunt and look completely bored, but he just didn’t notice.

The Graham ‘Naggy’ period.

In a rather short period of time, Mort figured that ME doing the shelf filling whilst HE sat in the office with his feet up was not really working out to well, so he informed me one day that another stock lad would be joining us shortly.

Sure enough this did happen. I was duly introduced to Graham, a big lad over 6 feet tall and rather acne ridden on his cheeks. Graham told me he was recently out of school and on the YOP scheme.

Let me explain what the Youth Opportunity Program is. When Margaret Thatcher came to power in 1979, the country was in a big mess. Unemployment was high, bins were not being emptied, rats scurried around the streets, there’s lots more to tell but not in this story.

Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/brizzlebornandbred/37213034732

The Youth Opportunity Program (YOP) was formed by the government in order to create jobs for young people and subdue mass unemployment for the young.

The scheme was ran by the Manpower Services Commission, a government funded body that paid employers to take young people as apprentices at zero cost. Now maybe this happened at some respectable employers but I never saw it.

What the YOP scheme was really for, was employers to exploit young people to work for them cost free and to make them dogsbodies. YOP employees generally worked the same hours and did the same job for around £20 per week, yes per WEEK!

At the same time Graham started, I was earning around £35 per week at Kwiksave to Graham’s £20. So now I had a co-worker and conversation.

Graham was a good lad and we gelled quite well. We also had some common interests outside work such as Space Invaders and those Fruit machines at the local arcades. We both played Chess, a game which I took great delight in beating him at, time after time.

Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/raapofficial/15901245695

He always seemed to have a stupid grin on his face and was immediately likeable. I guess the grin was due to that fact that he was in fact, a little dim. However to be able to play rudimentary chess he must have had something else up there besides sawdust.

During our many visits to Rawtenstall’s Bank street arcade, Graham introduced me to his friend, a bloke whose name I can’t recall.

Graham’s ‘friend’ referred to him as ‘Naggy’, a longstanding nickname I would come to realise. I did think ‘Naggy’ was rather appropriate, as Graham did have a nodding lolling head, and with the endless grin, he could possibly be mistaken for a human horse if you had drunk a few pints beforehand. I didn’t personally call him by this name as I felt it a little mean.

Source: Source: https://pixabay.com/en/shopping-cart-man-woman-running-3225130/

To be continued...

All stock photographs I have used are filtered as ‘Labelled for reuse’ or 'Labelled for noncommercial reuse' and the sources have been cited.