Kiwis vs AussiessteemCreated with Sketch.

in life •  last year

As a Kiwi here on Steemit, sometimes I am horrified to be mistaken for an Aussie. Usually by Americans.

So now I’m going to explain some key differences between Kiwis and Aussies.

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People in other countries often assume that because we are neighbours, we are just like each other, and great mates as well. But nothing could be further from the truth. We are more like North and South Korea, Serbia and Croatia, or England and Ireland.

First the big issue, the elephant in the closet. Aussies shag Kangaroos. It is a bizarre obsession, and they do it constantly. In a desperate attempt to cover up this national embarrassment they have even made up a story that Kiwis shag sheep. So despite the fact that this has never happened, they always refer to us as “sheep shaggers”

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And the next big one is that they can’t speak English properly. So again they have made up a story to cover up the embarrassing truth. Because there are some vowels they can’t pronounce, they claim that they have no issues with their own speech, and it’s Kiwis that are wrong.

The most famous example is “fish and chips” Aussies can’t pronounce either of these words so they say “feesh and cheeps”. Although anyone who can speak English properly can hear this obvious balls up, as a cover story they accuse Kiwis of saying “fush and chups”

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Then there is the whole Rugby thing. Aussies are obsessed with Rugby, it’s their national sport, but they are not very good at it. In fact every time there is a NZ vs Aus test match they get totally spanked by the All Blacks, and have their arses handed to them on a plate.

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So in typical Aussie fashion they have invented their own version of Rugby that no other country plays. It’s even called “Aussie Rules”. Odd looking men in tight shorts wrestle about in a homoerotic fashion in front of stadiums filled with drunken Aussies fantasizing that they are watching some public roo shagging.

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Another issue of great contention is the Pavlova theft. Australia was originally set up by the English as a penal colony – a place to ship all their criminals to, and get rid of them once and for all. So Aussies, in between shagging kangaroos, like to steal things. It’s in their blood.

At some point they decided to steal our national pudding, claim they invented it, and then to add insult to injury, they now claim we stole it from them.

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An area that Australia really is world famous for, is feminism. NZ was the first country in the world to give women the vote, and New Zealand is ranked number 4 behind Iceland, Norway and Sweden on the Women in Work Index.

Australia meanwhile, is just famous for its angry militant feminists.

Currently, Clementine Ford is making headlines for saying “Have you killed any men today? - If not, why not?” And the scary thing is that she is not a stand up comedienne taking the piss out of femnazis. She is a regular Aussie femnazi!

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While these things are some of the more critical issues for any Kiwi to keep in mind, I suppose I had better add in another key fact for overseas readers. Australia is a vast desert with hardly any people in it, just millions of dingos and kangaroos. They have the most poisonous spiders and snakes of any country, their rivers are filled with crocodiles and the surrounding sea is filled with sharks.

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New Zealand has no dangerous or poisonous animals. None at all. We just have millions of sheep and soft cuddly possums. Australia has possums too, but theirs are really ugly looking things. And that is an analogy for the whole NZ vs Aus thing. Yes we have similarities, but in every case NZ is totally superior.

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Image - A NZ possum – we have over 30 million of these cute animals, and they are treated like a national treasure

Australia has more than 30 creatures that can kill someone in less than the time it takes to post a Tweeter status update “I’ve been swimming with some friendly jellyfeesh but now I feel a bit sheet so I’m going to…”

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Both countries are well aware of these underlying truths, but only one has dedicated the past century to making up ever more deranged stories in a desperate attempt to disguise the fact that they can’t say “chips”

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Very good stuff mates! This was possibly the best part of my day... :S. Today, I have been... mad at hardware, trying to make it work by supernatural means... but there is no more hope, they sent me a f....ed... board! Dammn... AMAZON!!!

Sorry for the throwout.

Anyways...
Well done! @sift666 =) love this kind of wars! Hey... since I am attending a meetup in Wellington soon (11 July), I though... is there any Steemit meetups already? Anyone promoting it? We can just join over these blockchain meetups and then disseminate all over... anyone joining, just check my feed, there is post somewhere already at #teamnewzealand with that information! - If not ask there.

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Well I don't know of anything but I'm a professional recluse

Where about in NZ are you from?

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About that one you just posted. =)

NZ comedy musical duo Flight of the Conchords don't like being confused with Aussies either

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It's a horrible moment - like being mistaken for a homicidal axe murderer!

2funny @sift666! This wraps up what I've learned today
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That picture is out of an Aussie textbook on how to interact socially...

This is from chapter 2!

Your'e such a dagg @sift666. I love the way you write, I had a great laugh. Thanks for that

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Ha! Even if I hadn't already known you were a kiwi, saying "dagg" would have given it away. My post from when John Clarke passed away - RIP Kiwi comedian John Clarke aka Fred Dagg complete with the gumboot song

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Just looked...awesome you did that...so iconic.

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Glad you enjoyed it - I couldn't help myself, but I've probably shot myself in the foot because the Aussies on Steemit have heaps of money, while the Kiwis are still all dirt poor.

And Aussies have no sense of humour so they will probably all mute me!

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We'll support you !!! One good thing about being dirt poor...when it all hits the fan, we wont even realise !!! Business as usual for us!

Very interesting, as my niece is living in Australia. But I perfer New Zealand as it is more far away from Europe. But it has similar landscapes.
I like the European landscapes, but dislike European politics.

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What's wrong with European politics? :)

I will be SURE to reference you as a Kiwi from now on! I could have gone without seeing the Aussie in tight shorts though

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Just for you!

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Ok that just about burned my eyeballs out!

@sift666 Funny as crap ... Made me laugh. Have my up vote. Re-steemed as well.

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Thanks for that!

Wow you post most nice

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Thanks, us Kiwis are all pretty awesome!

As an Asian I cannot or even care about the differences LOL.
But Australians have that distinct accent that is very familiar for most people. @ssift666

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Bloody Aussies...

Bonito post y buenas tradiciones

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Yes exactly - that is what I was trying to say!

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Esta foto es seguro de Mexico. Cuando miras la gente atras te das cuenta

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I don't think my translation tool is working very well...

In the work on the plantations, there is a risk of getting sick, because a lot of them are used. But it is a job where money is earned as% C3% AD that despite the risk Carmen trabnia in the plant% C3% B3n six days a week, and in seasons like February 14, they are required to work seven days a week and to miss classes. I thought that my life was so different in California. I was full of tech toys: cell phone. The computer, the iPod and the digital camera. When it was not. Studying at school, I'm probably resting laughing with my friends or playing video games. Carmen did not stay long with me. She told me that her mom was very strict and that if she took too long to get home, she was going to have problems. I said goodbye to her, but first I asked her to let me take some pictures of her. A little embarrassed I accepted% C3% B3. I realized that I accepted% C3% B3 because it felt obligatory. She was like. As% C3% AD. Out of respect, I decided to just take a picture of her in California. When I said goodbye

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los telefonos mobiles esclavizan

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That is one brilliant photo. Man nature crazy!

Great post mate. You've got some spot on comparisons. For example; the All Blacks are a much superior Rugby team; not only was your national dessert stolen from you guys, it was also given a Russian name, Pavlova:)
On a third point I must correct you though. In Australia, there are 10% of the worlds sheep population, that equates to more than 110 million sheep. So you could argue that Australians are the true sheep-fuckers.
And how would one fuck a Kangaroo?😂

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It's a little known secret that Australia has more sheep than we do, but we have more sheep per person in NZ, so there is more of them to fuck!

And for the kangaroo thing, there is even a song about how to do that! - "tie me kangaroo down sport"

But Rolf got into a bit of trouble for being a pervert and is in jail these days:)

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You could be on to something there. But in Rolf Harris' case, I believe 'kangaroo' was a euphemism for 'young boy'.

I missed landing on your blog sooner, but I'm here now and enjoyed learning some differences between your 2 countries. NZ looks good to me no poisonous critters.

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Yes that is a spectacular contrast - despite being neighbours, NZ has the safest wildlife of any country while Aus has the most dangerous.

I used to enjoy watching Steve Irwin the Aussie crocodile hunter on TV, until he got killed !

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Loved Steve, funny, entertaining so enthusiastic it was catching and he loved all life.