One Tiny Comment Can Change a Life
Six years ago, somebody made a snide comment toward me and my art. I didn't realize it at the time, in fact I didn't realize it until years later—that comment changed my life.
Six Years Ago...
I was at a retreat in Colorado with my then-girlfriend (now wife). I had brought along my sketchbook. Most of my drawings were of subjects I knew I could pull off with ease like landscapes, rocks and trees.
Portraiture has always been my biggest weakest. Actually, I've never been very comfortable with the human form in general, which is really bad for an animator... But that week, six years ago, I decided to break out of my comfort zone and draw some portraits. I would never improve if I didn't practice.
Like I said, the human form is not my forte.
These drawings aren't terrible (well, maybe some of them are), but they certainly aren't anything I would put into a portfolio... (or share in anything other than a blog post about how I'm not very good at drawing humans)
After a bit of practice with mixed results, I tried to sketch a portrait of my girlfriend, Jessica.
It's pretty mediocre right? Whatever, it was just practice.
Later that day, some friends that I had made at this camp were asking to look at my sketchbook. Soon after, a small crowd had formed. That made me a little uncomfortable. I don't usually show off my sketchbook because there isn't much in there that I'm really proud of. It's mostly planning sketches for larger pieces and practice drawings.
When we got to the sketch of of my girlfriend, someone asked, "Who's that?"
"My girlfriend, Jessica," I replied.
Then some girl who I had never even met before blurted out, "Wow, I'm glad I'm not your girlfriend."
Her group chucked a bit at that.
Thanks a lot. That was a really nice joke.
Honestly, I didn't think much of it. People say things without thinking. People are always trying to impress their friends. I'm sure that girl hadn't considered how mean her statement really was.
I didn't think about that comment again for a long time. I had moved on... or so I thought.
The Present...
It wasn't until years later that I remembered that moment and I realized that I hadn't drawn a single portrait since that moment. Not even one attempt. That one little comment that I thought hadn't phased me had actually seeped into my subconscious.
I found myself suddenly angry at a person and an event that I hadn't thought about in ages.
That girl had made me feel as if I was an unworthy boyfriend because I made a bad sketch of my girlfriend.
Maybe I stopped drawing faces because I didn't want her to be right. Or maybe I just didn't want to feel the shame again of having some unknown jerk insult me and my lack of skill. I don't really know. I never made a conscious choice to never draw another portrait. It just happened.
One tiny comment can influence a person in profound ways, sometimes without them ever realizing, as was the case with me. It's not like she set my life on a totally different course, but she did cause a change in me. And now that I look back and realize how she impacted my mind I can't believe I ever let the cruel words of some unknown girl influence my life.
So now I'm taking it back, and I want Steemit to play a part in my reclamation of portraiture.
That's the end of my story. You can see my next post to learn about and get involved in my new portrait project.
Thank you for reading.
~Seth
Banner Image Source: Huffington Post (edited and re-uploaded by me)
My reply is James Passala..., my evil but benign English teacher in High School who for college prep gave me a 'D'. Why did I get a 'D' I asked. "For that time when you and Hunt were freshmen and you and the rest of the class held me paranoid...no, it was because I realized if I did this, actually critiqued you, you would write much better for the rest of your life.
English is a lot like football - it is living and dying every day and you can get your head shoved up your ass so fast.
In life, and I have found this to be true, write anything, even a little children's book, let alone the truth or the 'Hollywood' version of what happened as you exited that top secret portal to 'who knows where' and people will castigate you for it out of jealousy, greed, envy and in the example one just mentioned, because you cost a billionaire or more like a group of them a lot.
To be in the arts, you have to be tough. To be in the public you have to have stone skin because there are nuts out there who will kill you.
Here is another example - I will write a lot about religion and the re-enactment of how to do miracles, contact God, and so on. There are all kinds, many different sects and I live in the middle of one that is not my own. I get death threats, been shot at, and well, I could take pictures of what the little bastards are up to from time to time - there are no perils in life but what happened to John Lennon?
So take the comments as a punch in the face of worse to come if you make it. Not that the worse will actually come, but it could and, "Why Artists and Public Figures Should Be Experts at Martial Arts."
Yes, art can be like football and you get to the top from surviving the hits
It is incredibly sad how true this is and often this happens. I was weighing 52kg in high school and felt like I was obese because I was unfortunate as a women to inherit very muscular legs from my dad, and making it worse by doing sport and dancing. The reason for me thinking I was huge was due to my brother always joking, saying I can go kick start jumbo jets at Atlas (An aeronautic company in South Africa). I had no confidence because of this. Only now, in my forties do I realize how sporty and nice I actually looked back then. If only we can turn back time.
sometimes adverse comments make you bitter, but rarely better. I'd always try to find something positive to say when grading student papers. In art, it's different. You're always going to be held to a higher standard, so even if you don't agree, grit your teeth, carry on and try to get better. Some criticism can be like encountering bumps along the path on the long road upwards, but remember, the bumps are what you climb on :)
Oh my gosh, @sethlinson - this is so in line with what my podcast partner and I were talking about. Exactly in line! Would you mind if I linked to your post in my show notes once it's posted?
Go right ahead!
You have a great attitude, to seek improvement through practice. Don't worry about how long that one remark held you back, we are forever exploring and learning new things. The pity falls on her and her remark, it's a portal to her inner self and her projection had nothing to do with you, she was either setting such high standards that whatever she did be overshadowed by them, or maybe she had such low esteem that it poisoned her from even trying something challenging, you on the other hand have talent and it seems you harvested it and take up the challenges.
I too used to draw exclusively landscapes and trees, I was really good at it and still am probably, but I remember we were sketching on large blue paper with black pastel a fellow student, at the time I didn't know that my work was worthy of prizes but unbeknownst to me my teacher submitted that sketch to some event, and I placed 2nd in a competition, something about the school commission board or something like that. It nudged me ever so slightly to consider my mentality which always was "not good enough". I didn't channel that into drawing though, but it definitely improved my self esteem, enough that I was confident in trying new things and learning a lot more, and today I couldn't thank that teacher enough for what she did, it was only when I was about to graduate that she told me I had placed 1st in one competition for some painting and 2nd in that other one. To me it seems that people that know how hard it is to art, have an appreciation for talent and the encouragement I received from that art teacher and the ones before her has always stuck with me, and helped me try new things like web and graphic design and 3D modeling, it paid of too, so much so that I atribute it to getting recognized by a recruiter at Pittsburgh Art Institute and invited for a meething, simply because of what I thought to be a mediocre website and some snazzy theme and UI I had done, which apparently blew him away, but being 16 at the time and with the circumstances of my mom passing away earlier that year, it overshadowed the encouraging gesture and didn't persuade me to follow that path, but had I not received the past encouragement from my art teachers for what then too I thought was mediocre, which looking back with a more healthy attitude was actually good if not great, I couldn't have explored design, web and 3D work, leading me to make all kinds of strides in those directions.
Art is not for everyone and I want to express that those sketches you shared aren't mediocre at all, you have a talent, and you have invested a lot of effort as it shows, don't be dishearten and too self critical, trust me, your work is great, not potentially great either, great great :)! I will follow to see how you're doing on your path and offer any help I can, thank you for sharing your story and your art, they are great!
Hope ITs tiny enough 4 U to grow Ur SelfSTeem