I want people to like me. Do you?

I think I want people to like me. Is that bad?

To clarify, I read a lovely deep thinking article by @teneiced here. She told us how she rarely shares any deeper details with her readers because of her fear of being judged negatively; not only her readers but the friends she's accumulated over the years on Social Media. I get that, I really do, because there are things that I haven't shared, to anyone, because of the fear of being judged - I'm sure we all have those parts of our lives, each and every one of us. I am a reformed man, not someone that has lived a pristine life as you say!

I think everyone wants to be liked, or at least I think they do. Whenever we form bonds with anyone; over the internet, in person, or on the phone, it is our goal to be liked, or it is mine, anyway.

In the past I've read countless amounts of books from strong men telling us not to give a fuck about anything; that if someone doesn't like you then that's their problem and not mine, so let them deal with it. Their message stems from the idea that I should just do what I want and as I please within cultural boundaries and reason. Yet I disagree. It crushes me when I lose friends or people that I'm getting to know over something silly that can be easily worked out. I hate it when I get the feeling that someone in my close circle dislikes me, and I'd rather not talk to a crowd that really couldn't be bothered if I lived or died.

I'll be honest with you, I WANT to be liked. The world would be a shitty place for me if no-one enjoyed my company and I couldn't care less about it. That would be shit indeed. People in the past have told me that a confident man cares not about what others think in the slightest -- but to me that only portrays arrogance; if I shout aloud whatever I wanted with no mind to whomever else is present then I'm not going to make many positive connections. I like to be aware. I like to know my friends and my audience, and if I'm being a dick I'd rather learn from the criticism and check myself, than tell whoever dislikes it that I don't care. Not caring doesn't get me anywhere in this world I'm afraid. Not caring was how the Second World War happened; when Germany re-militarized the Rhineland and no-one did anything about it.

I have been accused in the past for being too nice, that my actions fall in line with what many would call a 'nice guy,' a man that walks around endlessly trying to please others whilst not looking after his own needs. I see nothing wrong with just being generally nice to people though; my needs are being thoroughly met. I no longer have long angry conversations in my head with someone and then as soon as I see them be horribly nice. I say what I want and act out how I feel but generally I'm always thinking well of people and good of myself. I have afforded myself a station in life where I'm not angry at the past anymore and I don't let situations in the present get out of hand. I deal with them then and there.

Wanting people to like me doesn't stem from a deep-seated fear of not being accepted, though, because if someone generally doesn't like me and if there's nothing I can do to change their way of thinking towards me then it isn't long before I let them go. I have had friends in the past who have outwardly spoken of their dislike of me and yet when I've tried to let them go they have clung onto me like a leech, sucking the life force out of me. There have been times when I've had to change my phone number just to rid myself of these people that make me feel bad about myself yet still want to be my friends.

Luckily, this is all gone now. My only friends now are kindred spirits; reinforcing my lust for life and empathy for others.

I'm not some happy-go-lucky person that wants to be liked by everyone though. I do understand that there are some personalities out there that I just don't connect with, and if I meet them, or get a sniff of them, I don't engage it further. Same with me, there have been some people that have got a hint of our disconnection and high tailed it before we got to know each other better -- which is fine, I totally respect that. Some people just aren't suitable for each other, even if we are both nice people. The only people I am interested in being liked by are my circle of friends and my regular readers; them, you guys, are important to me. I want to be liked by my friends and regular readers and I want to create an honest perception of myself, far more than you'd get on any social media account of mine.

I listen to most criticism though, even from randoms. You'll be surprised that it's sometimes harder for my friends to give me criticism than it is for me to hear it. Even the harshest criticism from anyone always had an element of truth to it, and I always try and change something about what I do when I hear it. Of course, there's not many places I can go with "stop writing you twat and die" but something more constructive is generally listened to.

So I think in conclusion to this I feel that it's OK to want to be liked by my friends and outer circles. People that know me to stop and say hi; there's nothing wrong with wanting to be liked by them because not only do we want to feel like we belong to something; a group of friends, a book club, a club of some sorts, but not being liked by them can cause problems in the group dynamic! Messy.

Anyway.

I want to be liked - thank you!

Please like me.. haha. Joke :)

Think I'm awesome? :)

Check out some of my previous posts!!

Support is necessary in a loving relationship
I'm human and I think you are too. Fuck labels. I'm tired of them.
A message for the survivor amongst us (If you're listening)
My vulnerability exposed
Sometimes I feel like a fraudster
How my autism affects being a Dad
So you're going to be a Dad?
I am aware of my privilege but I don't understand it

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