How My Autism Affects Being A Dad

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m on the autistic spectrum recently through my son. My son was diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder at the age of three. It’s been through watching him, and observing his behavior and patterns that I’ve come to realize that perhaps I’m autistic and on the spectrum, too.

It makes sense. It’s why when everything I’ve done throughout my life I’ve always wanted to be the best at. Golf, football, writing, compassion, you name it, I’ve tried to be better than everyone else. And not through just “wanting to be” but through trying every day and giving it my best.

And the obsessional thinking. I spent my younger years thinking that it was completely normal to have an idea in your head SO strongly that you can’t eat or sleep until you’ve done it, or completed the task. Apparently not. Or so other people are telling me now.

It’s also a good reason why I became an alcoholic and why it has been so hard for me to give up. Yet I can’t blame autism fully on that, just that it helped a great deal.

So now I’m discovering that I’m an 80’s child who was pegged as slightly different and a bit weird, that was laughed at, and even consultant doctors couldn’t get their head around me. The system had failed me. I fell through the cracks. Because no-one knew how to deal with me.

But we’re far more aware of autism now. Far more aware. Because brain sciences have advanced further than ever, and as we progress through our advancements we become more aware of what we’ve missed. And the people that have been left behind are standing up to be counted. Me, for example.

My Son has Autism and so have I. This has definitely raised tough challenges over the years of me being a Dad.

Alex, when he first started to show signs of becoming a difficult eater was the first challenge for me. Because I’ve always enjoyed a hearty meal full of meat and vegetables. Always. It’s the way I’ve always done it so my son should too, right?

Finding a happy medium for us both was hard. Because I was the one making meal times stressful, always getting stressed when Alex wouldn’t eat properly, until, I of course learned to let go of that control, and come to a happy medium. If he eats, then that is good. It doesn’t matter what he eats. Just that he’s getting sustenance in his body.

And then there are times when we both have different ideas. I’ve had to train myself really hard to pick my battles. As a man that has constantly had it his own way for most of his life. And done it in a certain order, and then Alex comes along and wants to do it “his” way, but can’t see the sense in my way. It has caused a good few battles since.

I have had to learn to let go of the grip of control over my son at times. If he’s doing it his way, and it works, and he isn’t being naughty or causing anyone trouble, then it’s fine. Even if I find it completely ludicrous and it’s like nails on a chalkboard I have to let him have his way. Two hours of arguing? Or five minutes of peace? I choose five minutes of peace.

Then there’s our competitive sports and gaming. The hardest part for me is learning to lose constantly at games that I love and I’m really good at. If I thrash my son at these constantly he’s going to lose interest. I need to make it interesting for him. I find this hard. Sometimes I find myself battling constantly over the will to win with that all too familiar sad face on my son when he loses. It’s hard.

I love my son, with all my heart. Our lives have been intertwined since the moment he was born. But there are times when he drives me up the wall. And, there have been times where I’ve gone off the rails with him. What I find beautiful though is that Alex is learning through example. There are times that I have been disproportionately mad towards what he had done that angered me. I’ve always apologised for my actions, gave him a hug and a kiss.

Now he does the same to me if he thinks he was out of order. And 80% of the time he has it right.

My Son is awesome.

And through these lessons, I have learned much about myself, and the way in which I interact with others. Although dealing with Alex has been on the extreme end of emotion, I have learned to deal with others efficiently on an emotionally smaller scale.

I think my son's Autism is a blessing. He's high functioning, and no-one could tell me that it’s a burden on him. It’s just a different way of thinking. And, our obsessional attributes, if focussed in the right direction can have us pioneers of our trades.