There is a huge influx of new users and there are many thousands of posts being created advising how to succeed on the Steemit platform. Most of these are being created by people who have been here ten minutes and are using vote bots to get into trending. Which made me think I would chip my two cents in.

The following is certified Steemit Gold.

Be wary those that follow the advice below. Pure unadulterated success will undoubtedly be yours for the taking and for the unprepared this can often smell like old men's farts and they may not be ready to take a deep sniff.

Are you ready? Yes? Then let us begin...

Trawl the hot tab and comment on all of the posts there, the higher the rep of the author the better. Do not bother reading or voting on any of them, just blabber something generic to get their attention. Something flattering like -

Wow, I can't believe I am only just finding you. Amazing post, so imaginative. Following you now for more of this.

Make sure to never vote or comment on anything they do ever again.

Some authors may have replied to your flattering comment from Advisement 1. Awesome! Engage them in idle chit-chat before hitting them with Ulfred's Hammer.

What? You aren't aware of Ulfred's Hammer? That is because I made it up. But that makes it no less valuable a weapon in your Steemit Gold arsenal.

Ulfred's Hammer is the term we shall use to describe when you ask a high rep author for help or support. For example:

@thingmybob, I need your support so I can help the platform grow.

Note, when you say help the platform grow what you actually mean is, Upvote me like a madman so I can horse all my SBD's and Steem out to Bittrex and remain a minnow forever.

Contact a high rep steemian in chat. Ask them if they can tell you how to obtain a Steem Power delegation. You need this because you want to support your local artists/countrymen/writers whatever with a higher vote.

Of course, what you actually mean is, so I can upvote myself and my two friends (one of which is also me) all day long and sod everyone else.

When the high rep Steemian points you toward Blocktrades or Minnowbooster be very careful not to laugh in their face.

Instead thank them profusely, before asking them if there are any other ways of getting it. They may need a little prodding. Ultimately what you want is for them to throw some of their hard earned Steem Power at you, for free.

After all, what could they possibly want with all of those thousands of Steem Power? It's not as if it's fair that they have so much when you have none, is it?

Make sure in any comment replies you write, to put your username, like so -

Wow, these pictures are amazing? Was this truly your Grandmothers funeral? @SpamFarmer. Feel free to check out my poetry @SpamFarmer

This is very important because Steemians who have been around for a while are entirely incapable of finding your profile without it. In fact, you might be best to get a gigantic banner and make that a hyperlink to your profile.

Don't worry, that doesn't piss anyone off.

Make sure you call these meal tickets high rep Steemians Sir or Madam at all times, even if they ask you not to. Soon your respect will wear them down to a tired old nub and they will be putty in your hands.

And that my friends is your Steemit Gold ticket to success! It cannot possibly fail. In fact, remember me when you are MASSIVE and helping the platform to grow!!!

_{Please note, this post is ever so slightly satirical and is not really to be followed.}