Phenols
It had been a rough day.
The little boom has a cold and kept us up half the night. I left the house for work in a blizzard of tired confusedness.
I compensated for this by telling myself that tiredness is for the weak. and when I got to work I sat with a coffee, scowling at folk who came anywhere near my desk. It seemed to work a treat and my morning passed with few interruptions.
As lunchtime approached I realised that in the sleepless haze of leaving the house I had forgotten to bring anything edible in with me.
Fuck it. Junk food time!
I went to the cafe on the top floor and bought myself yet more coffee and a big junk food Cajun 'meat 'n spicy shit' burger and a bag of crisps. Then I found a nice quiet seat on a couch and sat with a contented sigh and stared at my food before wrapping my gums around it.
I was halfway through when an elephantine something plopped down beside me. Damn, I had let down the scowling guard! Who dared bother me when Junk feasting?
It was Steve, a chap in work of the larger variety. If we were whales he would definitely be of the spermy variety.
He gave me a jovial nod. I nodded back. That's fine, sit there and don't talk, that will be fine.
He looked at my burger, half-eaten and dripping with all kinds of delectable sauciness. His face fell.
Is that what you are having for your lunch?
There was a distinctly disapproving quality to his voice.
Yep, dead things and spicy sauce in a roll.
Have you any idea what things like that do to you? Inside?
I grabbed my burger and had another bite, in my head I was tearing at the neck of an Antelope and making growly wowly, gnarly warly noises.
He opened a paper wrapped package and then proceeded to pick at some fruity, leafy things inside it with a fork. Tucking into his odd leafy lunch he proceeded to lecture me on my dietary shortcomings. As my mouth was mostly full of spicy meat I could hardly defend myself.
I got to the end of my roll as he was wittering on about phenols.
Phenols.
I stated flatly.
Yeah, you want to eat more phenols, lots of fruits and berries.
I scowled at him like a rat's penis would at a pigeon.
You still doing the slimming club thing? How's that coming along?
His face beamed and he became all animated.
I am!! I actually lost two pounds this week!
I grinned back fiercely.
Well done! That's excellent. God, how many years have you been doing that now?
It's nearly three...
His voice tailed off and his face went pink, glistening like a sweaty cow's udder before he gave a mightily indignant harrumph and stomped off with his fruit and leaves.
Ahhh.
I sat back and started eating my crisps with a happy smile.
I bet the fat wanker has his lunch made for by his nagging wife and binge troffs like a truffle pig on weed when she's not around.
I know the type, thinks they can lose weight by adding a salad to every meal!
He probably does. He has been on a diet for an exceptionally long time!!!
As somebody told me a long time ago:
I am vegan and slim (too slim, according to my wife), so I have no temptations to eat "dead things and spicy sauce in a roll".
I think I would have started with being a grandfather too :0)
I have been a vegetarian at times in my life. Even now I don't eat a lot of dead things... But sometimes I cave!!
All times I cave - cave-woman, that is.
Sometimes your replies are better than your posts, "it comes in the dark"
"I like post toI like post too. The other day the mail man came with post and well" Ha ha ha love it.
Hehe, I like being nimble with my replies!! Sometimes I even consider a post with them lol!!
Haha of all the people you deflected it just had to be the preachy fellow that you failed to evade. Always great when someone bigger lectures you about your diet. Back when I was admittedly fitter than I am today, with all my blood chem and body fat ratio in tip-top shape, I always got lectured by people who had blood chem results that communists would be envy of and body fat ratio that are through the roof, that is if the roof is even considered the ceiling. I don't know why it is.
Having a cajun burger with crisps here and there is never a bad thing in my book!
It was frankly bizarre and odd not the first time it has happened either. A while ago I got a lecture for similar from someone who is obese. I am like glass towers man!
Could they just be projecting themselves on us? I often wonder that. A lot of times I'm accused of things that I haven't even done in my life, but I'm pretty sure the accuser identifies well with it.
hoo, amigo @meesterboom there is no worse thing than a sick child at night, no one in the family gets to sleep, the bad thing is for the father of the family who has to go to work, forget lunch as a result of fatigue, the mind can no longer coordinate and the worst is yet to come, having a person who talks to you about nutrition is the height of the day.
Excellent work dear friend, I have had a lot of fun with your hair, I want to imagine the face of the chubby when he put "his face turned pink, bright as the udder of a sweaty cow" with this I could not read any more, luckily I was at the end.
thank you very much dear friend, for another fun day
I wish you a good evening
PS: the second round of the collaborative art of our friend @everlove is already underway, if you wish I invite you to see my participation.
I saw @everlove's post. I have an idea for it!!
Yes, the no sleep can be a killer but a wise man did once say... Tiredness is for the weak ;0D
Resistance is futile. Steve will spout on you haha
In the end the Steve's well inherit the earth!! :0D
You wish there were more like him :-)
Lol, steady on old chap!! ;0)
is that the same came from that printer post? kinda sounds like him :D
Hehe, it is a different one. My place is full of tallywhackers!
I'm sorry, was the growly wowly snarly warly supposed to be intimidating? [pat pat pat so adorable] XD
That burger you didn't describe that well still manages to sound thoroughly delicious.
It was meant to be horribly intimidating and FIERCE!!
;0)
[squees at the horribly intimidating fierceness of it all] XD
I never understood the need people have to preach at others about such matters. It doesn't work for one thing, in fact it tends to inspire exactly what it inspired in you hahaha. I know I've told you before that I don't eat meat, but I also don't even use the term vegetarian. I feel once you put a label on something you're then stuck living up to it. And I like to have the freedom to change my mind, which could happen.
Like with smoking. I go back and forth, which is why I'm neither a smoker or a non smoker, I'm someone who sometimes smokes, and sometimes does not lol.
Hehe, that's how I like to see smoking. Although I don't just now I would hate to say that I wouldn't because I probably will lol!
And yeah, these people suck ass hehe!!
Well done, Boom. No need to coddle these preachy sods.
Exactly, what I stuff into this fine beast of a body of mine is mine own to choose :0)